Hire Jim Essian

Oh, happy day! Today is the first official day of the rest of your 2010 Cubs season. Why are we celebrating that? I don’t know. Will this season be as difficult to watch as last season? Probably. Are our hopes at least down, meaning tickets will be easier to find? Hopefully. If you tied a rope around a churro, could you lead Carlos Silva all the way from the Cubs’ camp to the Cardinals’ camp? Most definitely. If you’re into pitchers and catchers reporting, here are some things to watch for in the next couple of days.

Can Geovany Soto pick Ryan Theriot off first base before Theriot’s plane even lands in Arizona?
How is Ryan Dempster’s Snooki impression?
WHO IS GOING TO WRITE THE CUBS BLOG THIS YEAR???
Why is Rudy Jaramillo already here? Seriously.
Now that Aaron Heilman is gone, who is going to explain last night’s Lost to Larry Rothschild?
How many different articles will underappreciate and undervalue Carlos Zambrano?
Where the heck is Chad Fox?
I THINK DEMPSTER SHOULD WRITE THE CUBS BLOG, BECAUSE HE’S FUNNY.
Can God create a burrito so big that Carlos Silva won’t swallow it whole?
How can we figure out a way to blame this season on Milton Bradley? I’m going with, “They had to trade him for Carlos Silva.”
MAYBE SILVA SHOULD BE THE NEW CUBS BLOGGER, SINCE HE HOPEFULLY WON’T BE PITCHING THAT OFTEN.
How many dopes expected the Cubs to move down to Florida and preemptively bought condos down there?
Can Greg Maddux fill in for Ted Lilly while Ted is rehabbing his shoulder?
HOW ABOUT GREG MADDUX? HE NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO BE A CUB BLOGGER, THANKS TO LARRY FUCKING HIMES!

Happy Pitchers and Catchers Reporting Day!

http://thundermatt.com Jake

The few blurry shots of Carlos with the mustache add to its legend. Like a grainy photo of Sasquatch.
Dumb 35 year old secretary with a hunky fireman calendar in her cubicle

Mark DeRosa should be the Cubs blogger again! He’s sexy.
Sloth

AN HE SO SEXY
Santo10

Mustache ride: 5 cents
Poon

That pic of Z makes me crave an El Famous Burrito. Must have one on trip back to Chicago this weekend.
Moon

EAMUS CATULI!!! This is the year, I’m sure of it.

The Cubs have the zen in 2010!!
Tom Trebelhorn

How about Theriot for the Cubs blog? I’d love to hear how to get to half as many ground balls as a normal shortstop would.

I would also be interested in what, exactly, COULD stop “The Riot”. My guess is Starlin Castro…soon.
paintersix

Cubs Spring Training news:

Ryan Theriot is nervous about his arbitration hearing this weekend because he thinks Jim Hendry will bring up the fact that he was thrown out during thanksgiving dinner when he tried to move from area where the kids were sitting to the adults table. When asked about the incident Theriot (who was hanging from a chin-up bar like Bobby Brady in a futile attempt to get taller) said: “I didn’t get a very good jump- I had race around the chair where Carlos Silva was sitting and there was gravy all over the floor. So I slipped.” When the Cleveland Indiands groundskeepers form the movie ‘Major League’ were contacted for their opinions they said: “He’s Shitty!!”
Jim Nelson

Fox isn’t in camp this year because Hendry finally went to Celebrity Chad Fox Rehab with Dr. Drew. This year’s cast also includes Jeff Conway, Gary Busey, and Amber Smith, all of whom will also be vying to fill Ted Lilly’s spot in the rotation until he returns.

Pitchers, Catchers, Carlos Silva Report to Camp

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