Hire Jim Essian

With each passing day that doesn't end with Kevin Millar getting sewn into a burlap sack and tossed into a reservoir, I get more and more nervous that he is going to end up making this team. There is absolutely no logical reason for this. Millar is terrible, he is offensive to at least four of my senses, ... Read More

Well, you can tell it's almost spring. Guzman is already hurt, I've already mistaken Theriot for the batboy, and Dempster and Millar are already annoying the shit out of me. I guess it's nice to be back, but if they change this clown suits we have to wear in the spring one more time, so help me God, ... Read More

At long last, social networking has paid off. Ozzie Guillen has a Twitter feed. It's just as enlightening as you could expect it to be with tweets like, "what I saw on the field today was a lot of grass..." But what truly amazed me was that Guillen actually truly doesn't understand English. I always assumed ... Read More

I apologize for the tardiness of the Muskbox. I was under the weather yesterday and reading this week's Muskbox could have only made matters worse. Why? Well, because it spends a significant amount of time fretting about the hurt feelings of Ryan Theriot. And that's- That's- Excuse me. /runs to bathroom With Ryan Theriot having gone ... Read More

I'm sure new Cub suit Jahaan Blake is a nice young lady and a fine human being. I'm sure she's good at her job, and that she works hard every day. But when her job title is a very made-up sounding, "director of fan experiences," that has to make one ponder what, exactly, does Jahaan's job description entail? Bruce ... Read More

Happy belated Mardi Gras, dough boys! I'm sure you enjoyed the one time of year you might actually see breasts other than your own. As always, SHOW YOUR TIPS! Thanks to those who already have. On three. Ready? One. Two. Three. DOOOOOOOM!!!! No, seriously. DOOM. If you're interested in following Spring Training more closely, ... Read More

Oh, happy day! Today is the first official day of the rest of your 2010 Cubs season. Why are we celebrating that? I don't know. Will this season be as difficult to watch as last season? Probably. Are our hopes at least down, meaning tickets will be easier to find? Hopefully. If ... Read More

This week's Muskbox has done something so amazingly meta, that it's hard to believe it's not on purpose. It's a Muskbox about a blog. Now, are you ready for this? Here's where it gets even funkier. You're about to read another blog mock the Muskbox about being about a blog. Take a few deep breaths ... Read More

If you recall last year, the fine folks at Razzball allowed us to borrow their anti-fantasy rules for the Neifiball League, to great success. At the time, I told you that you are all a bunch of stupid jerks if you don't immediately put Razzball into your feed readers and bookmarks. I don't endorse a lot of sites, ... Read More

Happy Valentine's Day weekend, virgins! The only thing sadder than getting shot down by desperate cougars at your local taverns tomorrow night is- Well, nothing. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. May your failure at the bars be as epically hilarious as a Ryan Dempster Game One playoff start. Each tip you leave me ... Read More