I sure hope Juliet's boobs survived the explosion.

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Whatever Happened to WAAAAAAALT!?” Edition 1

Hello, insufferable Lost fans! I’m sure you’re letting your geek flags fly this weekend in anticipation of the most highly-anticipated season of television since- Well, ever, probably. WILL the hydrogen bomb stop Flight 815 from ever crashing? WHY did Jacob run around touching little children? WHEN did Locke grow bigger boobs than Kate? HOW did a hottie like Eloise ever give birth to a geek like Faraday? WHO will finally convince Kate to wash her hair? All these questions and more will be answered starting Tuesday. Roundup tips, as always, can be sent here. For them, I thank thee.

  • What if 24 wasn’t terrible now? Well, it would be Lost. (HT: TDubbs)
  • This is at Wrigley Field, isn’t it? God, you people are embarrassing.
  • In former Cub news, collie molester Jim Edmonds is a Brewer, and bedwetter Rich Hill is a Cardinal.
  • One of the questions that will certainly be asked in this final season of Lost is HOW?
  • Even Kayak.com is getting in on the Lost hype.
  • John Cleese explains the workings of your brain.
  • Now is the best time to get your ass to Mars.
  • Ukulele Springsteen covers? Where do I sign up…for earplugs?
  • The Science Channel has gone as low as it can go. Read a book, dummies! Seriously, though, I can’t wait for the premiere of Punkin Chunkin.
  • Food Court Lunch gives us some famous last words to live by. (HT: CT) Or die by, I guess.
  • Have you ever wondered what would happen if you pissed off Mark Twain? Well, you’d be treated to a goldmine of insults, you 33rd-degree idiot.
  • You’ll never look at old artwork (NSFWish) the same way again. Oh, who am I kidding? You don’t look at it now, you heathens.
  • Hell, I don’t even know these people, yet I saved the date.
  • Why couldn’t Mr. Burns’ All-Stars make the softball game?
  • Since I’m sure you dopes drink alone more often than not, these tips should help you. (HT: Luis)
  • Sweep the leg, Johnny. (HT: John)
  • Nightmare fuel has a new name. And its name is Roxxxy the sex robot. NSFW, not safe for home, not safe for your soul.
  • Not enough nightmare fuel for you? Well, say hello to the Helicoprion. Trust me. There’s a reason HELL appeared twice in that last sentence.
  • Okay, one more. I suspect this is only a nightmare if it’s your kid.
  • SITE OF THE WEEK: How (Not) to Date Online. (HT: Santo10) It’s funny, AND informative for you dorks.

That’s it for me, Others-lovers. Enjoy your final weekend of peace and quiet before every office conversation revolves around Jacob and the Man in Black.

-Sweet Uncle Lou

  • TDubbs

    Holy boners