Sosa Urges Banks to Come Clean
Posted by Bad Kermit on Thu, Jan 28, 2010
Earlier this week, Ernie Banks urged Sammy Sosa to come clean about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Rather than take the advice of the Cub Hall of Famer, Sosa instead urged Banks to reveal that he is moonlighting as annoying, self-appointed Cub mascot, Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers.
The evidence, according to Sosa, is overwhelming. “Have you ever seen Ronnie Woo Woo and Ernie Banks in the same alley behind the same restaurant fighting over a ham bone? No,” Sosa said. “What did Bad Kermit buy Ernie Banks when he met him? A bottle of wine. And what does Ronnie Woo Woo always smell like? I mean, other than feces? Wine.”
Sosa found it suspicious that Wickers’ arrival on the scene coincided with Banks’ best professional season. “Ronnie allegedly showed up at Wrigley in 1958, the same year that Ernie led the league in home runs and RBIs,” Sosa stated. “That is a berry, berry big coincidence, don’t you think?”
Sosa claims that the evidence is physical. “Have you seen Ernie’s teeth?” Sosa asked. “They’re perfect. They’re the kind of teeth you might be able to purchase if you had they were funded by the people of Wrigleyville.”
When told of Sosa’s comments, Banks said, “No. Woo! Comment. Woo!”
BigFlax
StPatrick
PenFoe
CT
bocaj
January 28th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
If he would just admit it then I could say I met Cubs legend Ernie Banks instead of I had to take a long shower after Ronnie Woo Woo showed up.
January 28th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Is this suppsed to be funny? My 4 year-old is funnier.
January 28th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
@Brandon parker – Nope. It’s completely serious, like everything on HJE.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Brandon, yank the stick out yer ass
January 28th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I bet my 3 year old is funnier than Brandon’s 4 year old.
January 28th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Why would we joke about something as serious as this?
January 28th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
@Santo10 – When I first read your post I thought you said you had to shower with Ronnie Woo Woo. Glad I read it a second time.
January 28th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
@ChrisD – I don’t think Ronnie Woo Woo takes showers
January 28th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
@Brandon parker – You might be the worst at life. Worse at life than even Aaron Miles, Mark Prior and Sammy Sosa. I wish your dad was strong enough to beat a sense of humor into you 4 year olds dad.
January 28th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
@Brandon parker – Brandon, you sent your question to the wrong website. This question should have been sent to the Muskbox.
January 28th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
This site is unfunny trash. Keep it in the suburbs, suburbanite. Have fun being a 2nd rate blogger.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
wait, is this the “yelling at Kermit” blog? sweet deal.
kermit, your posts require too much reading. In fact, there are too many paragraphs in this post, please eliminate three.
Sincerely
Ryan Beariot.
PS I am not a crackpot.
January 29th, 2010 at 9:38 am
I hate your writing so much I check it out several times a week just to benchmark what lousy looks like. I never laugh at it at all. I laugh at my 4-year-old when he trips and falls on the way to the fridge to get me a Zima.
January 29th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
As long as we’re unloading, I think you should make it a point to say nice things about Ron Santo at least twice a week. Also, why don’t you write more about why we need to get Mark Derosa back when it’s obvious we’ll never be able to be good without him? And stop making fun of Carrie! She’s a real Cubs fan, not like you potty-mouthed jerks who think that performance and ability is more important than spunkiness, scrappiness, and adorable stubble.
January 30th, 2010 at 2:34 am
to add onto what JerBear said; you really need to be more sensitive to our Albinos.
Its bad enough they cant go anywhere without getting pelted with cloves of garlic, pouches of mustard seeds or vials of holy water. Your replaying their near death experiences at the hands of pitchfork yielding mobs takes it too far.