Get ready for a bunch of amazingly stupid “X” jokes. If Xavier Nady can successfully turn his head and cough while Mark O’Neal is cupping his balls, he’s going to be a Cub. Yes, that article contains the first of your stupid “X” jokes.
Nady has had two Tommy John surgeries. As a position player. That’s about as unlikely as Aaron Miles becoming a productive player. In the NBA. The WNBA. However, the first Tommy John surgery was in 2001, and Nady had several productive years after that surgery. So, that one doesn’t even really count, right? Is this the same reasoning that allows Catholics to have oral sex?
But if Nady is healthy, he can hit, particularly against lefties. You know who else he can hit decently well? Righties. Nady’s career line against righties is .270/.316/.453 to Kosuke Fukudome’s .262/.372/.417. Presumably, Lou will go with a straight platoon in right field, which could produce an OPS over .800 on the season. However, if Kosuke decides to take off a month or two, like he did last year in June and September, Nady might be just the bat that Lou can ride all the way to an 82-win season!
The best part of this signing is that Jim Hendry somehow managed not to give Nady three years, $15M, and a full no-trade clause. If Nady passes the physical, he’ll make $3.3M next year (and next year ONLY), with incentives that could get the contract up to $5.3M. Of course, knowing Jim, the incentives are as follows:
- Show up on time to Spring Training – $500,000
- Make a mean meatball sandwich – $250,000
- Minimum of 10
at-batsplate appearances – $250,000 - Don’t throw a live ball into the bleachers – $500,000
- Be white so the fans don’t boo you – $500,000
Aaron Miles in the WNBA would make me watch the WNBA.
So, how many times will Kosuke have to spin himself into the ground on a strikeout until Lou makes Fukudome baseball’s most expensive fourth outfielder?
Didn’t Isaiah Thomas run the WNBA into the ground?
New York Knicks… WNBA… what’s the difference?
The racist cubs’ fans master race dreams are one step closer to being realized.
technically, Isiah ran the CBA, Toronto Raptors, and the Knicks into the ground. He also attempted to run a female Knicks executive into the ground as well.
Another thing to consider is Xavier Nady was once tested for Crohn’s Disease.
Go ahead…..start considering.
Also the Indiana Pacers into the ground.
Larry Bird is running them into the ground right now in honor of Isiah.
Having seen Nady play, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t do well….I was just hoping he was going to hit the shit out of the ball and play Willy Mays-type defense (Death To Flying Things) when he was a Padre…and then as a Pirate…and then (even) as a Yankee. I don’t know if that covers all of his past clubs, but the Cubs should benefit from having him in right (or maybe center or left). If this guy’s going to be the piece that puts the Cubs in the World Series (well, why not wish for the sky?), by all means sign him and send him to a Japanese language course.
Is he going to be the X-factor? The X-man? Hopefully he gets lots of Xtra base hits and plays Xcellent defense. And everyone knows X marks the spot. And when he gets injured again he can lead the league in X-rays.
Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week.
Does his meatball sandwich have Xcessive amounts of marinara sauce on it?
When I saw the headlines of the signing, I was thinking Soriano just became the most expensive fourth outfielder in history (sorry lil’ Sarge). My only hope is that Lou has the furry nutsack to play Nady everyday when his numbers (and defense) is better than the aforementioned sack of terds.
McManus can’t even spell turd correctly.
Wont Fukudome on the bench be a distraction to our pitchers as they attempt to sneak a peak up his skirt?
I see London, I see France. Japans got no underpants!