This week’s Muskbox accomplishes a nearly impossible feat. It’s unprecedented. An entire Muskbox passes without a single relevant question about an actual starting player on the Major League baseball club. How is that possible? Only the Muskbox knows for sure.

Did I miss the big announcement on where the Cubs’ future Spring Training site will be?
– Judy P., Ogden, Iowa

Yes, and I have no idea how you did. The Ricketts family arrived in a stretch limo to much fanfare. All the finest people in Chicago were there. Mayor Daley wore a tuxedo! Well, technically a tuxedo t-shirt. Lou Piniella wore a delightful strapless black dress. The flashbulbs were popping on the red carpet. When the envelope was presented, the room got all a-twitter. An excited Gary Sinise informed us all that the Cubs had decided to stay in Arizona! A small statue of Mike Fontenot was presented to the Mayor of Mesa. Or maybe that was actually Mike Fontenot. The band was struck up, and the ticker tape parade began in earnest! You must have also missed Eddie Vedder’s after-party. It was wild!

CARRIE: Not yet, but there will be news this week.

What? The Muskbox came out on the 25th. They announced that the Cubs were staying in Mesa on the 21st. How, exactly, was this question not accurately answered? Did they run out of “M”s when they were setting the movable type into the printing press?

CARRIE: Last Thursday, the city of Mesa revealed its proposal for an $84 million facility that will include a 15,000-seat stadium, state of the art training facilities, plenty of batting cages and practice fields. The site has not been revealed but it was expected to be located in northeast Mesa off the Loop 202.

Off the 202? Right by the Hardee’s? Awesome! I was worried they were going to end up in Naples, surrounded by nothing but hundreds of Waffle Houses. And alligators. And pickup trucks with gun racks.

CARRIE: On Monday, the Mesa city council will vote on whether to approve the proposal — called a memorandum of understanding…

If only they had those for sportswriters.

CARRIE: …and if passed, the Cubs could announce this week that Mesa will have exclusive rights to finalize the plan. That said, if Mesa can’t come up with the support it needs in the legislature for funding, the Cubs could go back to the Naples, Fla., group, who want the team to move to Collier County.

Collier County? Right by the Waffle House? Awesome!

One of the least talked about problems last year was the lack of a real backup for Aramis Ramirez. When he was hurt, the Cubs had a second baseman (Mike Fontenot) taking most of the at-bats with a rotation of non-third basemen filing in. All that said, it seems nothing has been done to address this and going into this season, there’s no real plan for a serious backup corner infielder. What am I missing?
– Ted O., Chicago

A question, for starters.

CARRIE: They feel they’re better prepared this season with Jeff Baker on the roster. It was quite an assortment of players at third last year while Ramirez was out, including Jake Fox, Ryan Freel, Aaron Miles, Bobby Scales and even Koyie Hill (one game) and Alfonso Soriano (very briefly) played third. One of the reasons the Cubs want Josh Vitters, 20, in big league camp this spring is to see how close he is. Vitters, the No. 1 pick in 2007, combined to hit .284 with 19 doubles, 18 homers and 68 RBIs in a career-high 120 games between Class A Peoria and Class A Daytona in 2009.

And, as everyone knows, the best place for a talented young player is on the MLB bench, praying that Aramis Ramirez gets bitten by a cock so he can get regular playing time.

CARRIE: All reports on Ramirez and his workouts this offseason have been good.

Oh, good. As long as he’s in good shape, it’s impossible for him to dislocate his shoulder on a freak accident.

With the possibility of Kosuke Fukudome, who wears No. 1, leading off and Ryan Theriot, who wears No. 2, hitting second, I was wondering if the Cubs have ever had such a “1-2″ combination?
– Aaron G., Lincolnwood, Ill.

HOW CAN YOU WONDER THIS? You should be wondering if God exists, why He allows bad things to happen to perfectly good Haitians. You should be wondering whether Juliet detonating that nuke caused Flight 815 to never crash. You should be wondering how the sweet release of death would taste on your tongue. You should be wondering what that one waitress at your local restaurant looks like covered in syrup in a Catwoman suit. But THIS?

CARRIE: Actually, Fukudome and Theriot batted 1-2 in the starting lineup a handful of times in both 2008 and ’09. Historian Ed Hartig did a quick search of Cubs lineups over the last 50 years and didn’t find any other Nos. 1-2 at the top of the starting lineup.

HARTIG: You want me to look up what?
CARRIE: Whether any Cubs hitters who wore number 1 and 2 ever hit 1 and 2 in the lineup.
HARTIG: HOW CAN ANYONE WONDER THAT?
CARRIE: This is important stuff that Cubs fans want to know.
HARTIG: Are you fielding questions from the inmates on Shutter Island!?

Since I know you’re already completing the lineup in your head, here it is:

#1 Fukudome CF
#2 Theriot SS
#3 Burnitz RF
#4 Dubois LF
#5 Fox 3B
#6 Hoffpauir 1B
#7 DeRosa 2B
#8 Barrett C

CARRIE: You have to go way back to when the Cubs first began wearing uniform numbers to find another 1-2 combo at the top of the order. The team first started with numbers in June 1932, and they loosely assigned numbers based on projected batting order. That’s one reason why Babe Ruth wore No. 3 and Lou Gehrig wore No. 4 for the Yankees — they batted in the third and fourth slots.

Which doesn’t, of course, have anything to do with the QUESTION.

CARRIE: If you go back to June 30, 1932…

“…take me with you! Men were men, women weren’t allowed to speak, and ‘spinster’ was a legitimate career path!”

CARRIE: …Woody English wore No. 1 and was the leadoff man for the Cubs, and Billy Herman wore No. 2 and batted second. No. 3 Kiki Cuyler hit third and No. 4 Riggs Stephenson batted fourth. Batting fifth was No. 49 Vince Barton (No. 5 Johnny Moore was out of action). No. 6 Charlie Grimm and No. 7 Gabby Hartnett were next in the sixth and seventh spots. Billy Jurges hit eighth but wore No. 11. Thanks to Ed for the research.

Dusty Baker would have loved lineup construction in this era. Dude.

I’ve seen numerous times that you have reported that the starters at second base will be either Baker or Fontenot. In your latest Inbox, you said when Starlin Castro is ready, he’ll start at shortstop. If that’s the case, when he’s ready, would the Cubs move Ryan Theriot to second? It seems that would be a logical move instead of having him out of the lineup, right? I know this is only when Castro is “ready.”
– Nate S., Pekin, Ill.

They didn’t bother waiting until Theriot was “ready” to play shortstop. Why start now?

CARRIE: Yes, Theriot would most likely switch to second. He played there when called up in 2005 and played more games at second (39) than short (two) in ’06.

Of course, if you take the course of his entire career, he’s played about five times as many games at shortstop as he has at second base. In conclusion, she has no idea what she’s talking about.

I heard a rumor that the Cubs are looking at Jermaine Dye to be the team’s fourth outfielder. I think this could be a great sign for the Cubs. Any truth to this?
– Cory H., Kaukauna, Wis.

Yes, they’re looking at him and asking one another, “How can we tell he’s not already dead?” They are also poking his genitals with sticks and holding a mirror under his nose to see if it fogs up.

CARRIE: Dye is one of the candidates along with Xavier Nady, Rocco Baldelli, Jonny Gomes and Reed Johnson. GM Jim Hendry has talked to agents for all of them, and now it comes down to gauging what each side wants and what each is willing to compromise on (money and length of deal). Dye, who turns 36 on Jan. 28, is coming off a season in which he hit 27 homers and 19 doubles for the White Sox with 81 RBIs. However, he batted .251. Nady, 31, missed most of last season after undergoing Tommy John elbow surgery in July. Both Baldelli and Gomes played for Lou Piniella in Tampa Bay. Baldelli batted .253 in 62 games last season with the Red Sox while Gomes hit .267 last season with the Reds.

Perfect. Decide on what these guys will compromise, and then Hendry can swoop in and offer them an extra year and extra $5M.

The Cubs have been shopping for a fourth outfielder for a while and I have not heard anything about maybe going after Jim Edmonds. Yes, he is 39, but he’s a lefty, a great defensive fielder and was once with the Cubs. I think he’s worth a one-year deal and would benefit the team.
– William F., Ypsilanti, Mich.

Jim Edmonds was once with the Cubs!? When the hell did that happen?

CARRIE: Edmonds did challenge Tony La Russa to let him return to the Cardinals in 2010. He’s 18 homers shy of 400 and 119 hits shy of 2,000. He hasn’t played in a year and as La Russa said, “There’s a lot of obstacles out there.”

Namely, drug testing.

CARRIE: What you have to ask yourself as a GM…

I am not a GM.

CARRIE: …is do you want to commit that roster spot to someone like Sam Fuld who can sub anywhere, run and play great defense, or do you want a player who turns 40 in June, hasn’t faced live pitching in a year, and has a history of nagging injuries? The Cubs were leaning more toward a right-handed hitter because they wanted someone to share right field with Fukudome.

Sam Fuld can catch?

Is Jeff Samardzija going to see more time on the mound? It seems to me the more you bounce him between Triple-A and Chicago and leave him in the bullpen, the less productive he is. If you’re going to bring him up, then use him more than half an inning.
– Deborah S., Laporte, Ind.

I agree. They should just put him opposite Devin Hester and leave him out there.

CARRIE: Samardzija is projected as a starter and will be given a chance to win a spot in the rotation this year. Samardzija did bounce back and forth last season between Iowa and Chicago, which is one of the reasons the Cubs wanted him to pitch in Mexico this winter to get into a routine as a starter. In 24 innings over five starts with Mexicali, he walked eight, struck out 22 and gave up six earned runs. He had a chance to work on his offspeed pitches as well, and listening to him talk about the experience, it definitely helped.

And you should just HEAR him roll his r’s! Caliente!

Where is Shawon Dunston these days? With all the old Cubs from the ’80s and ’90s making their way back to the organization like ‘Ryno’ [Ryne Sandberg] and [Greg] Maddux, I’d love to see guys like Dunston and Mark Grace make their way back, too.
– Doug S., Malin, Ore.

Who is this “Ryno” and “Maddux” of whom you speak? Are you referring to my beagles? Or are they some sort of Cub legends of whom I’ve never heard?

CARRIE: Dunston, who lives in northern California, has been working with the Giants — he was in San Francisco when the Cubs played there last year. He does show up in Cubs camp in Spring Training sometimes.

Uninvited, I might add! You’d think if he’s just going to show up and wander around camp, he’d at least do something useful. Like teach Theriot to throw like a man. Or make the bunk bed when he’s done sleeping in it. Or throw in a couple of bucks when Quade makes a quesadilla run.