I will brush back your SOUL.

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Fergie Could Still Beat You Lifeless” Edition 1

Yes, HJE‘s official stance is to still talk about Mark McGwire. And, yes, we’re going to continue talking about Mark McGwire until we’re done. It’s easier when you hear fun reactions from former players, like Ferguson Jenkins’ threat to throw a pitch at McGwire’s massive head. Carlton Fisk even got in on the act this week. Your Roundup tips, which I love so much that I print them out, laminate them, and read them in the shower, can be sent here. With that, the Roundup begins.

  • If you need yet another reason Cardinals fans are stupid (HINT: you don’t), how about all of those camera flashes that popped off every time McGwire hit a steroid-powered ball out of the park?
  • Will the real Tyler Colvin please stand up? (HT: John) No, seriously. I know he played a few games for us last year, but for the life of me, I couldn’t pick him out in line at a Wendy’s.
  • So, are you telling me there’s a possibility that the heads of all of the ladies at Wrigley Field are actually covered in ice?
  • If the Vikings win this weekend, lock up your children.
  • Heh heh heh.
  • This guy’s mom has to be Irish-Catholic, right?
  • How do you suck the soul out of The Beatles? If you’re not Yoko Ono, you could always graph the crap out of them.
  • The start of the final season of Lost draws ever closer.
  • If you can stomach it, here’s a list of the 15 worst deaths caused in the name of science.
  • Since he was too lazy to get a post up on Martin Luther King Day, I’m sending the best team of Negro League players who never got to play in the MLB to Kermit’s house to hit him with bats.
  • If the object of this commercial was to NOT make me hungry, it is an epic failure.
  • You know what these fans should also get? Punched in the goddamn head.
  • Joe Posnanski is always a great read, and this article on turf is no different. Be sure to stick around until the end for a great Buck O’Neil story.
  • Aroldis Chapman really should have considered signing somewhere safer than Cincinnati. (HT: Santo10)
  • When everyone “flew up in the air,” did they get stuck? (HT: Tom Trebelhorn)
  • Here’s your weekly ration of nightmare fuel, brought to you by the letter OH MY GOD, KILL IT WITH FIRE.
  • What’s that, you say? You want more? Well, then, feast your eyes on this abomination.
  • Man goes in cage. Cage goes in the water. Shark’s in the water. So’s an octopus.
  • We’re number three! We’re number three! (HT: Steve) Whaddya mean, that’s “LEAST efficient”?
  • My favorite site of the week is Food Court Lunch. (HT: CT) I’d post a particular story, but it’s all good.

That’s it for me, folks. With the season coming up soon, I figured I’d take this weekend to relax, unwind, and get away from all the rabid, passionate, knowledgeable baseball fans who generally surround me. So, I’m going to head to the White Sox Convention.

-Sweet Uncle Lou

  • CT

    Site of the week, baby!

    Up yours, Penfoe!