I was a little worried about Carrie after last week’s Muskbox. After all her talk about Milton Bradley, I assumed he had come to life and captured her, especially when we didn’t see her at Kitty O’Shea’s Friday night. But, sure enough, the Muskbox is too dumb to even realize it is mortal.

Who will be the Cubs leadoff hitter in 2010? I don’t see Alfonso Soriano returning to that spot. The way I see it, it’ll either be Ryan Theriot or the second baseman.
– Terry S., Bradley, Ill.

When Fontenot is playing second, that’s a perfect strategy. It will rattle the opposing pitcher when the first two hitters he faces have strike zones the size of Mark McGwire’s balls.

CARRIE: It will most likely be either Theriot or Kosuke Fukudome. Soriano’s days as the leadoff man are over, as he is projected to bat sixth, most likely behind new center fielder Marlon Byrd. In 2009, Theriot was the only Cubs player in double digits in stolen bases with a team-high 21.

He also led the team in times caught stealing (10), and times he took off his helmet to brush back his hair (1,386).

CARRIE: Last season, Fukudome batted .269 in the leadoff spot with a .404 on-base percentage (30 walks, 35 hits). Theriot hit .283 with a .354 OBP in the No. 1 spot (18 walks, 49 hits).

So, Fukudome should definitely lead off. Check.

CARRIE: Asked for a projected 2010 lineup, Lou Piniella said it would be Theriot or Fukudome, Nos. 1-2, then Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Byrd, Soriano, the second baseman and Geovany Soto. Right now, the second base options are Jeff Baker and Mike Fontenot. Read on.

After one question and answer, I already needed that encouragement to push farther into the depths of the Muskbox.

It seems to me the Cubs are still in need of a leadoff hitter. Wouldn’t it make sense to sign Orlando Hudson to play second base? I know Starlin Castro is supposed to be ready to play in the Majors at some point in 2010, but who knows if he’s going to be able to contribute to the Major League team any time soon. It seems an addition like O-Dog would give you a solid leadoff hitter with speed and allow them to slot Theriot down to No. 2 in the order, where he belongs.
– Erich B., Bourbonnais, Ill.

Theriot belongs at No. 8 in the order. With that said, I’d really like Orlando Hudson in the lineup. He’s a switch-hitter who plays good defense and- Wait. Did you just call him O-Dog? Forget it.

CARRIE: Hudson has a career .223 average and .305 on-base percentage as a leadoff man.

He has started in 23 games as a leadoff hitter. TWENTY-THREE of the 965 games he’s started in the MLB. That’s only about 2% of his career MLB starts. Moreover, his BAbip in the leadoff spot (.263) is about 40 points lower than it is anywhere else in the lineup. And he still had nearly as many walks (10) as he did strikeouts (14) as a leadoff hitter. And you have more pencils (12) sticking out of your hair than anyone I have ever seen.

CARRIE: Compare those numbers to Theriot’s and Fukudome’s.

…who both have more games started as a leadoff hitter than Hudson in FAR less service time. Since it’s sort of pointless to make a comparison, instead I shall compare the amount of oil in Theriot’s hair to the amount of oil currently in my car.

CARRIE: Last season, Hudson, 32, batted .283 with a .357 on-base percentage with the Dodgers, who bumped him at the end of the season in favor of Ronnie Belliard. Belliard batted .347 in September; Hudson hit .237.

Theriot hit .240 in September/October. Fukudome hit 200.

CARRIE: Hudson stole eight bases in 149 games.

And he only got caught once.

CARRIE: His single-season high is 10.

Caught twice.

CARRIE: He’s also reportedly seeking a one-year deal for $9 million. I don’t see him as being a good match for the Cubs.

I mean, have you SEEN Orlando Hudson’s hair? No, you haven’t. Because he’s BALD.

CARRIE: Castro, by the way, is expected to open the 2010 season in the Minor Leagues, and when he’s ready, he’ll start at shortstop.

Until then, we’ll just have to wait until Theriot is ready to start at shortstop.

What’s up with Johnson?

Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…

I know he’s a free agent and hasn’t signed with anybody yet. Can the Cubs keep him? If so, do you think they will? I’m one of the many who are upset we traded Mark DeRosa and didn’t get him back when we had the chance.

And I am one of the many who hopes that you spend the rest of your waking life being stung by angry bees.

I see Johnson the same way.

You like Johnson as much as you like DeRosa? Sounds about right.

The Cubs brass may not see him as an everyday player (which I think he could be), but he’s another one of those guys who gives 100 percent all the time and is great for the clubhouse and dugout. I think he’s way too talented and important to team chemistry to let slip away.
– Dave C., Boone, Iowa

So, it’s questionable whether or not he’s an everyday player, but he’s too talented to let slip away? Way to Johnson up that question.

CARRIE: What the Cubs told Johnson was to take advantage of free agency and see if he could find a team which would offer him more guaranteed playing time as well as more money.

This is the Cub equivalent of dating a girl you really like and considering proposing to her, but then encouraging her to go out and bang a bunch of dudes before you pop the question. If you want to keep Johnson, how about offering him a contract for what you think he deserves?

CARRIE: With Soriano, Fukudome and now Byrd, Johnson would be a part-time player. The team is still in contact with Johnson, and he could still return. Don’t throw away those “With Reed, We Will Succeed” T-shirts.

Burn them, instead. But don’t take them off before you do it.

CARRIE: “We like Reed Johnson,” Piniella said at the Cubs Convention. “He’s a pro.”

“And by that, I mean he gets paid a salary to play professional baseball.”

What’s the latest on the new building the Cubs want to put up outside Wrigley Field for weight room and clubhouse purposes?

It’s up. You should fly up from Florida and come see it. But don’t Google it first to fact-check that. Just trust me.

Also, are the Cubs still talking about renovating all of Wrigley one year and having the Cubs share stadiums with the White Sox at U.S. Cellular Field?
– Kevin, Atlantic Beach, Fla.

Were they ever honestly talking about that? I know the media was, but did anyone from the Cubs actually even suggest that?

The Ricketts family is going over plans to build what’s been dubbed the “Triangle Building” on the land west of Wrigley Field along Clark Street.

Why do they call it the Triangle Building? It’s technically a triangular prism! They should call it the Triangular Prism Building!

/Kenny Bania

CARRIE: In a perfect world, those renovations would be completed by 2014, which is Wrigley Field’s 100th anniversary.

In a perfect world, the Cubs would win the Series every year, Marissa Miller would be their ball girl, and Tony LaRussa would tragically break all his bones by falling into one of Mark McGwire’s pores.

CARRIE: The plan is to not only provide space for the players, but also office space, restaurants, shops and possibly a Hall of Fame.

Be sure to save a bunch of room for all the World Series trophies.

CARRIE: The goal is to make it more fan and family friendly. They will schedule the work so that Wrigley will remain the Cubs’ home field. There may be some dust, but it won’t interfere with the games.

Unless, of course, there’s ACTUALLY dust that floats around the field, impairs the players’ vision, and directly interferes with the games.

CARRIE: “On the 100th anniversary, let’s have the ballpark ready for another 100 years,” said team president Crane Kenney, looking ahead to 2014.

And then the earth opened underneath him and swallowed him whole. What? Oh, sorry. Still lost in my “perfect world” scenario.

CARRIE: The major changes will be to the exterior of the ballpark along the west side. The public restrooms and concourses are currently being upgraded, and this year, the Cubs players will have a new weight room, lounge and kitchen.

Just in time for Geovany Soto to have a place to prepare his rice cakes, wheat germ, and diet water.

CARRIE: The Ricketts are very aware of Wrigley Field’s tradition, and respect that.

“The way you see the game from your seat is the way you’ll see the game,” Tom Ricketts said this weekend at the Cubs Convention.

Hammered and angry?

CARRIE: That means no Jumbotron in center field or neon-colored mascots running down the aisles.

The Cubs are way too classy to have a neon-colored mascot running down the aisles. They prefer their mascot colored black, drunk, and running his penis up and down the side of your leg.

With Greg Maddux as an assistant to Jim Hendry, is there any chance that Maddux might be the next general manager? I wouldn’t mind Lou Piniella either for that role.
– Matt M., Chicago

And Sandberg can be the manager. And Dawson can teach the players how to look really mean, but have hearts of gold. And Grace can teach them to drunkenly nail fatties without their friends knowing about it. And Sutcliffe- You been hearing about him? You been hearing all that stuff about him?

CARRIE: Maddux, who will be involved in coaching and evaluating talent, is taking this one year at a time. I don’t think he has his sights set on being the GM. I know Piniella doesn’t want that job.

When Lou screamed and ran from the room hollering that he needed “mind bleach,” and that “God had forsaken him,” he thought you said “gum job,” not “GM job.”

Any validity to Ben Sheets becoming a Cub, or is this just rumor?
– Jake D., Palatine, Ill.

I sure hope so. Just so when they go on the road, Dempster can short-sheet his hotel bed and yell at him, “How did you like your sheets, Ben? HA HA HA!”

CARRIE: The Cubs will have someone watching Sheets when he works out Tuesday in Louisiana, but it’s more a matter of being diligent. Sheets’ agent has made the pitcher’s contract demands public (there are reports he’s looking for up to $10 million-12 million), and he doesn’t fit the Cubs’ budget. They’re looking for an extra outfielder and an experienced right-handed reliever.

An experienced right-handed reliever like…BEN SHEETS???

If Ryne Sandberg were ever brought up to manage the Cubs, would he be able to wear No. 23? It’s retired but only because of him.
– Brock G., Roanoke, Ill.

Oh. My. God. Oh. My. God.

CARRIE: It’s the only number Sandberg will ever wear.

And you ANSWERED it.

Which left-handed batter led the Cubs in home runs at Wrigley Field in his career?
– Dan D., Beaver Dam, Wis.

Okay, that’s a relatively interesting question which might require more than a perfunctory Google search to answer. GET HARTIG OUT OF HIS CAGE!

CARRIE: Hall of Famer Billy Williams hit 231 homers in the friendly confines, most by a left-handed Cubs hitter, and third-most all time on the team behind Sammy Sosa (293) and Ernie Banks (290). Williams also holds the career mark (392) and single-season record (42 in 1970) for home runs by a Cubs left-handed hitter.

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is 5. Matt Stairs only had 5, including two in one game off none other than…BEN SHEETS! I know. Shocking, right?