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Assistant to the General Manager

Posted On 12 Jan 2010 By Bad Kermit. Under: Cubs, Ex-Cubs, Transactions. Tags: Andre Dawson, Bob Costas, Greg Maddux, Jim Hendry, Mark McGwire, Ted Lilly.

If you were too busy listening to that mutant Mark McGwire cry about how nobody understands what it’s like to make millions of dollars by drowning oneself in a sea of steroids, you missed some big Cubs news. In what will likely be the best move the Cubs have made since Jim Hendry used the pen from his doctor’s EKG chart to sign Ted Lilly, the Cubs somehow managed to convince Greg Maddux that he should hitch his wagon to their dying star as Assistant to the General Manager. In the course of a week, Andre Dawson was elected to the Hall of Fame, Mark McGwire was publicly shamed and cried like a big sissy in front of Bob Costas, and Greg Maddux is, once again, a Cub.

If there is cosmic balance, and if you believe that good luck and bad luck evens out, Cubs fans are in for a miserable, miserable 2010 season.

djwoody

Greg slots in as the number 4 starter, ahead of Carlos Silva. Of course so does Jim Hendry and Ronnie Woo-Woo.
Mark Giangreco Roman Wrestler

Note to Steve Stone: Best pitcher of his era who is humble and brilliant wants to get into front office work so he gets into an assistant position. Shitty, one year wonder pitcher who is arrogant and is a dumbass expects to be handed the reins to a team as GM or President because fans annoint him a genius for knowing Soriano has trouble hitting low and outside slider.
Crushing Camels

Greg will go into spring training trying to convince the starting rotation that they all need to be shaped like pears to be effective pitchers in the MLB. He then puts them on a strict diet of Twinkies and Faygo Red Pop to get them to their bottom round playing shape.
http://424tales.blogspot.com Aisle 424

This move will have the ultimate payoff when he is added to the active roster in September as the MMPH00GY (Mark McGwire Pinch-Hitter One Out GuY).
paintersix

@Mark Giangreco Roman Wrestler – Soriano has trouble hitting low outside slider?!? And lollipop fastball and hanging curve and…..
Santo10

We hire class, they hire trash. He needs to be an assistant to Larry Rothschild because he actually knows something about pitchers. Or maybe they are grooming him to be a manager in case (when) the whole Sandberg thing doesn’t work out.
Ryan Beariot

I agree with 424, and really hope that when McGwire comes out of the saint louis dugout late in september, lou calls maddox out of the office in order to get him out. greg is far too classy of a guy to actually say it, but when he does strike out mcgwire, i think a rousing version of “Needle in the Hay” should be played. and then we would all boo mcgwire, and greg would laugh, and then pee on some saint louis rookie.

and while i’m wishing for things i’d also like a pony and for greg himself to come over and shake my hand for being awesome.
paintersix

I don’t mean to change subjects but does anyone have any idea who our leadoff hitter is gonna be cause I looked at our weak ass roster today and I don’t see one.
Sman

Originally Posted By paintersix
“I don’t mean to change subjects but does anyone have any idea who our leadoff hitter is gonna be cause I looked at our weak ass roster today and I don’t see one.”

No clue. Will probably turn into a Soriano, Fukudome, Theriot first-fight
over who gets the job.

Answer me this though – who will be our pinch hitter? Hill, Fontenot, Blanco, Fuld and Hoffpauir make up one absolutely horrific bench with no professional career pinch hit success.
paintersix

@Sman – yeah we are screwed

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