The Roundup knows if you’ve been naughty, and it knows if you’ve been nice. It knows when you are sleeping, and it knows how to undo the lock on your bedroom door with a bobby pin. SLEEP WELL, LITTLE ONES. Since we’ll have another early Roundup next week, tips go here.

• Science explains Milton Bradley’s inability to count to three.
• Here’s a special dose of holiday nightmare fuel just for you.
• You know you’ve always wanted to see Frosty do a keg stand. Here’s your chance.
• If you plan on imbibing over the holidays, be safe, and for God’s sake, know where your beer is from.
• Although I could have done without the annoying voice and serial killer subplot, this seven-part, seventy-minute review of The Phantom Menace is amazing and absolutely spot-on. (HT: Dolan) You are the worst, George Lucas.
• Once you go dark, you will wake up with cotton mouth, a headache, and an increased sensitivity to light.
• Speaking of dark, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
• This one is for Kermit (and all of you other Children of the 80′s and/or banjo-playing yokels out there).
• If only I had enough time to read the 15 Best Time-Travel Stories of All Time. Wait a minute…
• Was I the only one unaware that Jeff Fassero is a pitching coach in our system?
• It turns out you won’t have to wait until spring to get your first look at Carlos Silva in a Cub uniform. (HT: David Chalk) Ugh.
• A rare jort trifecta sighting! (HT: Mark Giangreco Roman Wrestler) Guess where it occurred?
• Bears fans unite to call for the heads of Lovie Smith and Jerry Angelo. (HT: John)
• Since it’s the season of getting doughy and pale, my new favorite site of the week is Pale is the New Tan. God dammit, America.

That’s it for me for the rest of the week, folks. Have a peaceful and merry Christmas.

-Sweet Uncle Lou