Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “So, What Did We Get for Milton?” Edition


We'll take it!So, the Winter Meetings wrapped up in Indianapolis yesterday, and the big move of the week was Jim Hendry dumping Milton Bradley on the- Wait, what? Whaddya mean, “He’s still on the team”? If I told Hendry once, I told him a thousand times that I’d rather give up swearing than have Bradley back on this team. But at least he’s not Carlos Silva. Just the tips are appreciated. Your tips make the Roundup the best darn Roundup it can be.

  • All you whiny “don’t mess with Wrigley Field” goofballs will be happy to know that in 2010 you’ll still be able to pee like pigs eat. Look, while the Wrigley troughs are a bit of a punchline for some folks, they are probably the most efficient urine receptacles since blank walls and snow. Long live the troughs!
  • When is a line drive a fly ball? When it’s ajar! No, wait, that doesn’t work. I’ll let Hardball Times take a crack at answering.
  • Norman Rockwell’s batboy was a smart kid.
  • In case you somehow missed it, Ryne Sandberg is one step closer to all of you dopes crying for him to replace me. Wherever Ryno is, I hope he’s the one coaching Milton this year instead of me.
  • Sully Baseball goes trade crazy.
  • Reason number 346 why women should stop talking every once in a while.
  • I didn’t realize Milton Bradley was such a big fan of pizza and animatronic singing mice.
  • Speaking of Milton, maybe he should just communicate to the media in writing, where he’s surprisingly eloquent and appears rather well-balanced. (HT: Luis) The best comment after the article: “I wish I could be there when Milton doesn’t like an editing change.”
  • Just skip to the end of this article for a story which I’m pretty sure ended with two dudes banging over Andy Pafko. (HT: Pre)
  • You probably don’t even have the patience to have made it this far into the Roundup. But if you miraculously did, these short movies that inspired long movies will be right up your alley. And they’re a good way to kill about a half hour on a Friday afternoon.
  • This is what happens when you’re bored on a flight and you have a bunch of asses in your face.
  • The Men of Dillon Hall, Kermit’s old dorm, rock their inner Griswolds.
  • Happiness is just a “DELETE” key away.
  • There are many great Lamebook submissions, but I declare this one to be the best.
  • Please tell me one of you is out there watching Steven Seagal: Lawman and will write a review for us.
  • So, some crafty couple decided to make porn to pay for their wedding. It’s exciting right up to the point when you see the couple.
  • Wouldn’t it have been easier to just kick him? (HT: Luis)
  • They finally released the video footage of Tony LaRussa after the Cardinals got swept out of the playoffs last year. (HT: Jeffrey)
  • Do a friend of a friend a favor, and share the web series “Grass Roots” on your Facebook page.
  • *Steeples fingers* Excellent. (HT: Santo10)
  • My favorite (and awesomely topical) new site is Sketchy Santas. (HT: Santo10) ‘Tis the season for NIGHTMARE FUEL.

That’s it for me, folks. I’m heading back to Florida for the rest of the winter. Why the hell they decided to host the Winter Meetings in Indianapolis instead of, say, the equator, is beyond me. Have a good Bears-Packers weekend, and don’t swerve to avoid anyone you see wearing a John Deere hat.
-Sweet Uncle Lou

  • Irish Yeti
  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    @Irish Yeti – Do you even remember when you used to have joy in your life?

  • Irish Yeti

    @Bad Kermit – Yea, it was the day before I started reading this site

  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    @Irish Yeti – Coincidentally, the day before you started reading the site was also MY last day of joy.

  • Irish Yeti

    @Bad Kermit – I got nothing. That last one took it out of me. My fat ass needs a nap

  • CactusMcHarris

    Steven Seagal rolls with the Colonel and is as good in his cop show (better, even, because he’s serving the public good) as he is in his movies. I’m going to Tivo him as soon as I’m done here.

    Speaking of done, why not let Milton sit and play someone else?

  • Ryan Beariot

    steven seagal lawman < jersey shore. jersey shore has annoying jersey girls getting PUNCHED IN THE FACE! there is no way to top that.

  • http://diaryofamadcubsfan.blogspot.com BigFlax

    Speaking as probably the only Jersey representative here – not at present, but I grew up there – I’d just like to point out that few if any of the cast of “Jersey Shore” are actually *from* Jersey. They’re all from like Staten Island and shit. I never knew anyone like any of those people in two decades in the Garden State.

  • santo10

    I have watched Steven Seagal, I recommend a few drinks first, but everyone needs to see at least one episode. Its like Cops but with a semi-famous person who likes to give lots of advice to the real cops and signs autographs when arresting people. Seagal might be > Chuck Norris, maybe.

  • Moon

    They should invent an assembly line type of pee trough. You get on a moving platform at the door and pee into a trough until you are deposited by the sinks. If you didn’t finish, you suck and have to hold it until you can go around again.

  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    @Moon – Good idea. If there’s one thing the drunks in the bathrooms at Wrigley Field are good at, it’s balancing.