Hire Jim Essian

Joe Girardi has always been a weird-looking dude. But until the folks at Halos Heaven pointed it out, I didn’t realize how much he looks like Skeletor. Apparently, he used whatever the opposite of power of Greyskull is (the power of Snake Mountain?) on his way home from winning the World Series to assist a woman who had been in a car accident. Yo Joe! Or Thundercats ho! Or whatever you geeks say to celebrate such events. Tips go here. Thank you for them. Here’s your Friday time-waster.

• Speaking of the World Series, can you name the World Series MVPs from 1995 through the present?
• Still speaking of the World Series, the terrible umpiring in it reminded Ned Ryerson of this older, but interesting article about the umpires’ effect on a game’s outcome.
• World Series still. So THAT’S what a ring might look like. (HT: level5) Actually, by the time we get one, it will be a hologram projected onto our fingers.
• Who says Mark McGwire won’t be useful as a hitting coach?
• You know how you could tell Barry Bonds used steroids just by looking at him? That’s not the case for Tim Lincecum. Well, not QUITE the case.
• Do your friends say a bunch of stupid things in their Facebook status updates? Oh, who am I kidding? You don’t have friends. But if your mom says something stupid and you use Firefox, you might want to add this application which allows you to DISlike things.
• Mental Floss compiled some of the greatest man vs. beast moments in sports. Except, of course, for the actual Man vs. Beast. Kermit was at Notre Dame in 1999 for one of the most boring football games he’d ever seen, and there was a squirrel on the field that was getting cheered on by the entire student section, as he kept head-faking toward the end zone. Long story short, the squirrel made it into the end zone just as time expired. The student section went wild, which probably surprised the Fighting Irish players, who had just gotten their asses kicked.
• My favorite Kissing Suzy Kolber feature is when their resident Boston fan shows up. He did this week, and he’s not happy about the Yankees’ 27th championship.
• And speaking of man caves, here are 15 of the finest. The hockey rink is particularly creative.
• If you’re a child of the 80’s, I found you the best picture on the internet.
• They’re on my website.
  
• We could make fun of the White Sox for their bizarre trade for Mark Teahen, but this is easier. (HT: Lincoln)
• Pearl Jam is awesome. (HT: Ethan)
• Congratulations to Clay Zavada for being named the Mustached American of the Year. (HT: Pre) If “mustached” is acceptable, when do we get to use “mustachioed”?
• I’ve never wanted a mobile home so badly.
  
• Were you guys as bugged as I was when Pluto lost its planetary status? Worry no more. (HT: John)
• This starts off slowly, but I promise it gets good.
  
• Want to find out how much you get paid to shit at work? Go here. Sinatro makes $80,000 per dump.
• Even if you fall off, the important thing is to get up and climb right back on those whores.
• My hands-down favorite site of the week is SUCCEED Blog. We get enough FAIL in our everyday lives. How can this not bring a smile to your face?
  

Well, that’s it for me, kids. Now, the offseason REALLY begins. Meaning it’s back to working at Best Buy for Aaron Miles. Have a good weekend.

-Sweet Uncle Lou