What’s all that buzz around Wrigley Field today? Why, that is the crowd of people gathering in anticipation of the announcement that the Cubs have hired Rudy Jaramillo to be their new scapegoat hitting coach. Rudy had been the hitting coach for the Texas Rangers since the time before Kurt Cobain found out what buckshot tasted like and O.J. Simpson was a punchline.

Jaramillo decided not to return to Texas after they only offered him a one-year contract. Milton Bradley had his best year in Texas while Jaramillo was the hitting coach, so people are excited. No one seems to want to bring up that it’s Texas, where the needles are big, and the ballpark is small. I’m not suggesting that Milton benefited from the small park. I’m flat-out saying that he definitely did. He hit 16 of his 22 home runs there (73%).

For some reason, people are also talking about how “well” Jaramillo worked with Alfonso Soriano. How so? Except for his first year as a full-time player and (of course) last year, Soriano had his worst two seasons (based solely and over-simplistically on OPS+) under Jaramillo in a hitter-friendly park in Texas, including his career low (again, excluding his first and last full seasons) OBP of .309. Rudy knows so much about hitting that he never once played in the Major Leagues on his own.

But, hey. Jim Hendry once again “got his guy.” MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!