When there’s no Cubs baseball about which I can obsess, my mind tends to wander. The other day, I got to wondering what the hell managers actually say when they go out to argue a call. How can an umpire and a manager carry on a conversation that lasts more than thirty seconds?
It seems to me, that every single baseball argument should go something like this:
LOU: He was out!
UMP: No, he was safe. I saw it, and there is no instant replay.
LOU: Oh, okay.
Really, what is there left to say? How does this conversation go on for another five minutes? Does Lou start reciting scripture? Does he speak in tongues? Does he do the Braveheart speech? I’m legitimately asking this. It seems to me that if the conversation goes any longer than about fifteen seconds, well of course Lou is going to start talking about how the ump’s wife and dog rape each other, and that’s why the ump has retard babies. Insulting an ump’s family is certainly more satisfying than yelling, “Nuh-uh!” at him for five minutes. Has anyone ever been close enough to hear a lengthy argument between Lou (or, hell, any manager) and an ump? I’d love to know what was said.
