The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #55: Brian “Beast of” Barden
One of the difficulties of taking so long to finish writing the list of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time is that the list includes many active players. Some of them completely dominated the Cubs when I first wrote the list. For example, Zach Duke, of all people, was a top-ten Cub killer when the list was originally drafted. He hasn’t won a game against them since, and now he’s been dropped from the list entirely. Brian Barden, on the other hand, was still suckling at his mother’s teat in some meth lab in St. Louis when the list was originally drafted. Look at him now! Checking in at number 55 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.
Brian Barden is a Beaver. The Arizona Diamondbacks drafted Barden out of Oregon State on June 4, 2002, in the 6th round of the amateur draft. Barden quickly made it out of the low-A leagues, but then discovered he was a AAA player who struck out a lot.
Barden made his Major League debut on April 3, 2007, as an 11th-inning pinch hitter, grounding out in an eventual 4-3 Diamondbacks loss to the Colorado Rockies at Coors Field. Later that season, the St. Louis Cardinals made a waiver deal with the Diamondbacks to acquire Barden. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it. It was in all the papers.
Barden made his debut against the Cubs on September 10, 2007, in a 12-3 Cardinals loss at Wrigley Field. Barden pinch hit for Andy Cavazos (“Who?” indeed) in the top of the 5th inning and flew out to deep center field. Deep center field. Keep that in mind.
FORESHADOWING!
The Cubs would keep Barden hitless in his first four plate appearances against the Northsiders, and the Cubs were able to run a nifty 3-1 record against the Cardinals in that time. In the 9 games since, Barden has 11 hits, three of which left the yard, and 6 RBIs. The Cardinals have gone 7-2 over that stretch, including a 5-game winning streak in games in which Barden has played.
All told, Barden has compiled a .478/.556/.913 line against the Cubs. That’s a 1.469 OPS from a guy with a career .592 OPS. Barden has more hits, RBIs, runs, and walks against the Cubs than he does against any other team. The 3 home runs hit hit against the Cubs make up 75% of his career home run total. Put down the calculator. He’s hit 4 in his career.
He’s been even better against the Cubs at Wrigley Field than in Busch Stadium II: The Sequel. In the Friendly Confines, Barden has a .500/.571/1.083 line, good for a completely stupid 1.655 OPS.
Up until this point I’m sure you have been thinking to yourself, “Who is this goofy white infielder? Isn’t Brian Barden a black outfielder with dreadlocks?” No, that’s Brian Barton. And he sucks against the Cubs and everyone else.
Why You Should Hate Him: This. Fucking. Series. The Cubs and Cardinals entered this late-May, 3-game series with the Cubs in second in the NL Central, 2.0 games behind the Milwaukee Brewers (remember them?). The Cardinals were nipping at their heels, sitting at 3.0 games back. Barden went 0-4 in the first two games of the series, but the Cardinals won them 3-0 and 2-1 due to the total incompetence of the Cub offense. In the bottom of the 4th inning of game three, Barden launched a home run off Sean Marshall to give the Cardinals a 3-0 lead in a game they would eventually win 3-1 to sweep the Cubs out of town. By the end of the weekend, the Cardinals found themselves 2 games behind the Brewers, while the Cubs had fallen 4 games off the pace. The Cubs took their offensive display to San Diego, where they scored 3 runs in 3 games and were swept by the terrible Padres during a crushing early-season, 7-game losing streak.
Did You Know? Barden attended grade school at St. Pius X with Jose Canseco impersonator Carlos Quentin. I’m not sure which of them dipped which’s balls in the holy water, but you can rest assured that it happened.
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BigFlax
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CactusMcHarris
When I saw that image, I thought “That’s not Brian Barden! Brian Barden is a black guy with dreadlocks!” Turns out that in 2008, the Cardinals managed to have a white player named Brian Barden and a black player named Brian Barton. (Barton, however, did not harm the Cubs in any way.) That’s fucking random. Apparently it confused the Cardinals too, since Barton is now in the Atlanta system.