This is apparently the time of year when most of your favorite Cubs blogs have abandoned talking about baseball for talking about football, and I can hardly blame them. But HJE is going to keep covering baseball, dammit. Look, after this week’s sweep of the Pirates, we’re only- Let’s see- STILL ELEVEN AND A HALF GAMES BACK!? WHAT THE FUCK!? Screw it. Go Bears. Thanks for all the tips this week (like the picture from Grow Stubs Grow), and keep them coming. The Roundup is only as good as YOU make it. I accept no responsibility.

• I know I said I was going to try to steer away from linking the stories you’ve probably already read, but our good friend PAUL SULLIVAN gives us ten reasons to continue watching this team that you should read in case you missed it. Miles vs. Mendoza is my favorite. Paul also points out that, in case you haven’t noticed, Carlos Marmol is 7 for 7 in save opportunities since I walled Kevin Gregg up in my wine cellar.
• Okay, TWO stories like this. Our good friend BRUCE MILES points out that Jeff Baker has performed better for the Cubs than Jesus Stubble-Face Christ Mark DeRosa has for the Cardinals.
• Yes, Roy Hobbs was, indeed, modeled after Ted Williams.
• STOP EVERYTHING! Two lawyers actually do something pretty awesome in trying to exonerate Shoeless Joe Jackson. (HT: Pre)
• Ron Santo will be happy to know that Citi Field is as big a shithole as Shea Stadium was. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
• It’s pretty gross, but you absolutely have to see the size of- Well, just watch this.
• Can you name the all-time hits leaders of some of the non-Yankee teams?
• You could probably fight crime if you were in a constant state of utter terror.
• Beatles: Rock Band came out this week (and is awesome). Enjoy these (number) nine facts about the most influential band ever. Don’t even bother arguing against that statement in the comments. Not only will you be wrong, you’ll be retarded.
• Do you leave your house every day with little to no fear that you’ll be killed? Well, read this list of the 33 most deadly substances on earth, and then cower in a corner for the rest of the day.
• Please tell me this exchange between “mother” and “son” on “the facebook” is “real.”
• Having a bad day at work already? Maybe these variations of the Office Space printer scene will cheer you up. (NSFW language)
• How fucking dorky are the Brewers? First the “untuckem” nonsense from last year, and now this? Can we at LEAST finish ahead of these chodes?
• Kevin Youkilis is a dirty man.
• Huey reminded me of this classic Earl Weaver rant. I’ve said worse.
  
• This guy REALLY likes Andres Blanco. (HT: John)
• Fat people break stuff. (HT: Level5)
• Mrs. Kermit takes us on a weird ride through Lost in Translationtown.
  
• I had some awesome suggestions for those one-hit wonder sites. By far the most popular one was People of Wal-Mart, which is terrific. (HT: ekim, Irish Yeti, LincolnT, Tom Trebelhorn But Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid? takes the depressing-as-hell cake. (HT: Irish Yeti)

Another Roundup in the books, and I don’t feel a week older than I did since the last one. I feel a year older. Have a good weekend.

-Sweet Uncle Lou