Hire Jim Essian

If you’ve ever sat around and wondered how José Cruz managed to amass 2,251 hits in his career, you need to get a better hobby. Part of that total can be attributed to the fact that Cruz played parts of 19 seasons in the MLB. Oh, and also, he collected 197 of those hits by playing the Cubs 196 times. That is why José Cruz checks in at #57 on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

José Cruz, father of José Jr. and Enrique, brother of Héctor and Tommy Cruz, and current first base coach for the Houston Astros, apparently has a lot of baseball in his semen. Cruz was signed as an amateur free agent out of his native Puerto Rico by the St. Louis Cardinals on October 27, 1966, at the age of 19.

Cruz made his Major League debut on September 19, 1970, in a 10-6 Cardinal loss to Larry Bowa and the Philadelphia Phillies in Busch Stadium. Cruz started in right field opposite left fielder Lou Brock. Cruz went 1-5 with a run scored.

That was against the Phillies. You might say he had a bit more success in his debut against the Cubs the following season, by which time Cruz had become a starter for the Cardinals.

That fateful first time the Cubs slapped eyes on Cruz came at the beginning of a three-game set at Busch Stadium in early September of 1971. The Cardinals scored 23 runs while taking two of three from the Cubs. Cruz went 5-11 with a triple and three runs scored. He also drew four walks (one intentional), stole a base, and reached on an error. By the end of the series, Cruz had a .455/.571/.636 line against the Cubs, good for a robust 1.208 OPS.

By the time 680 at-bats against the Cubs were under his belt, Cruz had compiled a .290/.356/.451 line against the Northsiders. Cruz slugged 20 home runs and drove in 103 RBIs in those at-bats. He was even more lethal in Wrigley Field, where his career .420 slugging percentage jumped to .479. Sixteen of his 20 home runs against the Cubs came in the “Friendly” Confines.

Worst of all, Cruz knocked up his wife, Zoraida (seriously) and spawned Cruz, Jr., who has been a bit of a thorn in the Cubs’ side, as well, holding a .271/.414/.400 line against them.

Why You Should Hate Him: Forget about his stupid hair and focus on August 23, 1975. Cruz and the Astros were in town to face Bill Bonham and the Cubs. The Astros had built a healthy 9-0 lead by the 7th inning thanks in part to Cruz’s 2 RBIs and a run scored. The Cub bats awakened in the bottom of the 7th and 8th, as they scored 6 runs in each frame to give them 12 on the day. Rejoicing in Wrigley? No. In the top of the 8th, the Astros had scored 5, with the crushing blow being a three-run homer by Cruz. The Cubs lost the game 14-12 so, yes, Cruz’s home run was the difference between a miraculous comeback and another nut-punching Cub loss.

Did You Know? Cruz’s final career home run (assuming he doesn’t try for a comeback) was a pinch-hit grand slam against the White Sox at Yankee Stadium. That’s the most interesting thing about José Cruz, so I’m just going to pretend that the following story is about him:

Police stopped Jose Cruz on Route 60 in South Charleston Monday night for driving with his headlights off.

Then, he failed sobriety tests and was arrested.

When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong.

Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.

Assault with a silent but deadly weapon. Awesome!