Hire Jim Essian

Maybe I'm just annoyed with how the weekend series has gone so far. Maybe it's because it seems like Todd Helton hits .800 against the Cubs. Maybe it's because such piles of shit as Neifi Perez, Aaron Miles, Shawn Estes, and Dusty Baker have associations with NL West teams. Maybe it's because of the outcome of the ... Read More

Aaron Miles is inexplicably back on the Cubs, which is terrible news for Cubs fans. Miles makes Neifi Perez look "toolsy." Since we have to watch this hobbit play, we may as well get angry about it. To the Fukudome! VS. God Jim Hendry ... Read More

It was sort of a slow week, which explains why there weren't as many challengers to the Comment of the Week this time. However, leave it to Mike D. to write something that still has people pissed off over a month after it was written. With that, I award Skip's Comment of the Week to bethany, who declared ... Read More

Sorry about the sparsity of posts around here this week. I'm pretty sure Kermit's head exploded from Kaplan overdose, as he's been lying on a couch muttering to himself for the past few days. Thanks for all of the tips. As always, if you have anything good, send it this way. Does your wife call you a fat, ... Read More

Of all the melodramatic reactionary stupidity that swept across the media over Kevin Gregg's back-to-back blown saves on Saturday and Sunday (I'm looking at you, Marc Silverman, you couch-slapping, walking panic attack), David Kaplan's reaction was, predictably, the worst. The worst thing to come of the weekend series loss to the Marlins was clearly the fact that it inspired ... Read More

The live blog last night was surprisingly fun, though there are some kinks that I need to work out. I'm going to give it another shot tonight for the Cubs-Reds game at 6:10. This time, the comments will be RAW and UNCENSORED, so please try not to suck at this. I'm closing the comments below so you ... Read More

8:58 PM Thrillho - Sounds like Marmol's 9th 8:58 PM Anonymous - Taunting them with some guys' arm! 8:57 PM Hire Jim Essian - Okay, folks. Thanks for joining the liveblog. I'm going to shut this down, but obviously feel free to carry this over to the non-facist Shoutbox. hirejimessian.com 8:57 PM Anonymous - Now they are taunting the sharks. 8:57 PM ... Read More

It's been a while since I tried my hand at live blogging, but I'm in the mood for it tonight. Since this is HJE I'm not going to live blog the Cubs-Reds game tonight. That would be far too easy. No, as the guys at TMS mentioned before they got into a tickle fight over Milton Bradley, ... Read More

In case you missed it yesterday, the Milwaukee Brewers signed Corey Patterson. Yes, the same Corey Patterson you know and hate. I hadn't seen many people talking about it this morning, and I was curious as to why. Perhaps it's because the only evidence anyone can find of the signing is a Tweet. Or a Facebook ... Read More

As you can see, HJE has a nice, new, clean look, thanks to the tireless efforts of my good friend Alex. He did the whole revamp and put up with my dumb questions. He also designed the hilarious "Under Construction" page that you might have seen over the weekend. Record scratches are comedy gold. Everything you've ... Read More