Menu Close

“Sorry, Shane”? Where’s MY F@#$ing Apology?

Aw, did you get beer in your eyes?  Because I just gouged mine out.Well, that was awful nice of Lou Piniella to apologize to Shane Victorino. Poor Shane was the victim of a drunken idiot in the bleachers who decided to douse him with a nearly full cup of beer. Incidentally, I apologize to Section 242 and flannj. So help me God, I thought Victorino dropped the ball and the umps called fan interference. I mistook the cup in this video as the ball hitting the ground. If Victorino HAD dropped the ball, I can only assume it would have been fan interference. Not that Cubs fans should know when fan interference should and should not be called. Asshole. No matter. After the game, Lou gave a heartfelt apology to Victorino. When he was done, I looked at Lou with raised eyebrows and said, “Annnnd?”

Where’s MY fucking apology, Lou?

I paid $72 to sit with J-Kerm through that whole disaster of a game. Where’s my apology? Where’s my refund?

Where’s my apology for you sending Jeff Samardzija to the lions by giving him his first MLB start against the predominantly left-handed-hitting defending world champions? I know SeanBearPig was shit last night, too, but why in the world wouldn’t you start the more experienced Marshall against a team that boasts two switch-hitters followed by three left-handed hitters as the top five in its lineup?

Where’s my apology for your stubborn insistence on putting Ryan Theriot at the top of the lineup, when Kosuke Fukudome has a .439 OBP in the leadoff position, 80 points higher than Theriot’s .359 (not including last night’s stats)? You know what, Lou? Keep him the hell out of the two spot, too. Milton Bradley has a .542 OBP up there, more than 100 200 points higher than Theriot’s .337.

Why can’t you figure out that Carlos Marmol is an absolute disaster right now, and that Angel Guzman IS your new setup man? Apologize for that, Lou.

Where’s my apology for you using Aaron Miles for anything but target practice?

Or how about my apology for having to watch what I suspect was the shortest on-field team in Major League Baseball history. At one point last night, the Cubs had 5’10” Sam Fuld in the outfield, and 5’8″ Mike Fontenot, 5’11” Ryan Theriot, and 5’8″ Miles around the infield. The Cubs would have been in good shape, assuming the Phillies were unable to hit the ball higher than about seven feet in the air.

How about apologizing for the four-game losing streak your team is currently on? Or the 3-7 record you’ve scraped together in your last 10 games? Or the four games you’ve now dropped below a pretty mediocre Cardinals team?

Victorino’s problems can be solved with a fucking towel as he laughs all the way to the playoffs. How about solving some of MY problems, Lou?

By the way, well done, Cubs. You sure showed me.