What channel is the porn on?Well, last night’s game sucked. As did Sunday’s. As did Friday’s. There have been a lot of games this season which have been painful, boring, or flat-out terrible to watch. Last night, I had my fill of Cubs baseball by about the fifth inning. I noticed that Star Wars was on Spike TV, so I switched over and didn’t regret it at all. Incidentally, Obi-Wan Kenobi’s spin move against Darth Vader is nearly as worthless as a shortstop spinning in a circle to turn a double play. Showy bastards. But the reprieve from Cubs baseball got me to thinking. When is it okay to turn off the game and spare yourself the frustration?

  • Any time Aaron Heilman enters a game.
  • Any time a 3-0 pitch is delivered by Carlos Marmol.
  • The moment an eight-hopper is hit up the middle between the rangeless Cajun infielders.
  • Any time Aaron Miles is at-bat.
  • Any time Alfonso Soriano or Ryan Theriot are forced to run the bases.
  • When any pitcher with glasses other than Angel Guzman enters a game.
  • Once Jay Cutler season starts.
  • Any games against teams with records of .500 or better.
  • During the seventh-inning stretch interview.
  • When a player with sunglasses on his cap loses a ball in the sun (a.k.a., right before Bob Brenly LOSES HIS SHIT).
  • Any game on The U. If it’s not good enough to be on WGN or Comcast Sports Net, why the hell should I watch it?

What about you? What does it take for you guys to go channel surfing in the middle of a game?