Brewers Ashamed to Sign Patterson
In case you missed it yesterday, the Milwaukee Brewers signed Corey Patterson. Yes, the same Corey Patterson you know and hate. I hadn’t seen many people talking about it this morning, and I was curious as to why. Perhaps it’s because the only evidence anyone can find of the signing is a Tweet. Or a Facebook note, if you prefer. As far as I can tell, there is no mention of the Patterson signing on the Brewers’ official site, unless you count their forums. So don’t panic yet, Cubs fans. There’s no official confirmation that the Brewers just made themselves the hands-down favorite to win the NL Central.
Incidentally, when I was looking for confirmation of the Patterson signing, I found the stupidest idea that has ever been thought. Or maybe the BEST idea?
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BigFlax
PenFoe
StPatrick
CT
CactusMcHarris
Patterson is quickly joining Jeff George in the “All the Tools Except For Being a Lazy, Dumb, Jerk Welfare” queue. Given the inability of GMs in professional sports to ever resist guys like this, it’s actually a pretty good living.
Gail Fischer has even been ashamed to admit having sex’d him. That’s bad.
Why is it that there are still some GMs out there willing to give K-Pat a chance? “He’s a five-tool player”. Maybe so, but if you give an anteater a screwdriver, a drill, a saw, a hammer, and a pair of pliers, its not going to build a bookshelf for you. Patterson may be a five tool player, but he’s been unable to use those tools thus far. He has the baseball acumen of a side sofa.
@Arcturus – One of the tools is “hits for average,” so he’s not even a 5-tool player. He’s just a tool.
You guys are morans.
This is the greatest single idea I have ever read.
The Lou Brock curse would forever be exercised.
Just imagine if the St. Tards acquired Corey Patterson.
I think I just wet myself.
I never knew that Corey and Eric’s mom was named Gavin Andrews. She sure is proud of her boys.
@Bad Kermit – And another one of the 5 tools is power. Korey has a career .405 slugging percentage. That hitting is lighter than David Patton’s skin.