I’m going to go ahead and give Carrie some credit. She may pick ludicrous questions to answer. She may pick decent questions and completely fail to answer them. And she might get her facts wrong sometimes. But at least she doesn’t make stuff up, which makes her a better journalist than Burnt Sienna and Playgirl. With that said, let’s recall why that’s as much credit as we’ll give her:
OK, so Milton Bradley is struggling from the left side of the plate but seems to be hitting the ball well from the right side. Is there any thought of him dumping switch-hitting and sticking to the right side, even against right-handed pitching?
– Rob E., Randolph, Neb.
Yeah, check out his splits batting righty against right-handed pitching! What do you mean, “There aren’t any”? Why the hell not?
CARRIE: That was brought up to Lou Piniella and Bradley during the Cubs’ recent trip to Philadelphia, and dismissed by both the manager and the outfielder. One reason it won’t happen is that the Cubs signed Bradley to a three-year, $30 million contract because they wanted more left-hand hitting in the lineup.
I’m starting to think the strategy to get “left-hand hitting” should have been scrapped in favor of a strategy to get “hits from left-handers, or possibly right-handers.”
CARRIE: He began this season a career .271 hitter from the left side with more homers (68 vs. 35) than he’s hit right-handed. Piniella and hitting coach Von Joshua are trying to get Bradley to eliminate some of the wiggle in his bat to help him relax at the plate. Will he stop hitting left-handed? No.
Would it be too much to ask to get him to START hitting left-handed?
How come the Cubs are not open to a big trade? They need to get more efficient players and get rid of players who are not up to par. They need a second baseman and a right fielder. We need much more production from the team. Why is Jim Hendry not doing anything? Is he going to counter for the Cardinals getting Matt Holliday?
– Eryk H., Chicago
Yes, Lou has already declared jus primae noctis and taken Holliday into his bed. If the Cubs can’t beat them, they’ll rape them.
CARRIE: The Cubs will tell you it’s business as usual, but they are limited in what they can do because the ownership situation has not been resolved. Plus, the feeling is that they have the players — they just need to perform as expected. There are signs of improvement, especially with the return of Aramis Ramirez to the lineup. Mike Fontenot was batting .283 in his last 17 games, Kosuke Fukudome was hitting .414 during an eight-game hitting streak, and Alfonso Soriano is batting .438 in his eight-game hitting streak. The Cubs will “get” a new player when Geovany Soto returns in early August. They’ve stayed close despite having the starting lineup together only two games this year.
And they’re 2-0 in those two games, meaning Hendry put together a 162-0 team.
Since Soriano has been in a slump (despite two homers in D.C.), Lou has moved him down in the order. Does Lou plan on moving Soriano back to the leadoff spot once he starts to hit again or continue to leave him down in the order? Also, earlier in the year, Soriano said he would play second to allow Micah Hoffpauir to get some at-bats. Since Fontenot has struggled this year as an everyday guy, is Lou considering putting Soriano at second and giving more playing time to Hoffpauir, Sam Fuld and Jake Fox in left field?
– Jacob G., Vestavia Hills, Ala.
Are you fucking kidding me? Soriano finally gets moved down in the order, which should permanently put to bed any arguments that Soriano shouldn’t be hitting leadoff. And now we’re going to have to listen to people asking if Soriano is going to get moved back UP? This is why I drink.
CARRIE: I think Soriano is feeling better about the switch. Since he moved out of the leadoff spot, he’s thriving. Soriano was batting .348 in his last 17 games, with three homers and eight RBIs. After hitting .228 (69-for-302) as the Cubs’ leadoff man, he’s hitting .392 (20-for-51) in the sixth spot. The All-Star break came at a perfect time for Soriano, who said he used the three days off to clear his mind. He says his confidence is back.
That’s because Alfonso finally got what he has been seeking all along: the approval of David Kaplan.
CARRIE: “I like batting leadoff,” he said. “Now, batting sixth, I’m getting comfortable and I’m getting comfortable at the right time. Batting sixth, there’s a little pressure on me. I don’t have to try to get on base, just see the ball and hit it. It’s a different part of the game for me.”
As for playing second base, just look at Soriano’s errors. There’s a reason he was moved to the outfield.
That’s right. Soriano’s defense at second base makes his outfield defense look good.
This may seem like a stretch of a question but a necessary one at that.
Man, this sounds pretty important. Is it going to be about the economy? Alternative energy sources? The situation in Iraq?
It seems like late in every game, Lou is hesitant to bat Fox in a big situation because losing him off the bench would mean our backup catcher is gone. With that said, who would be the emergency catcher if a situation arose where Fox was already out of the game?
– Kevin B., Libertyville, Ill.
My bad. It’s about the backup catcher.
CARRIE: Piniella has joked that pitcher Randy Wells, a converted catcher, is his emergency backstop. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that.
Carlos Marmol is a converted catcher, too. So, is HE the emergency catcher? I wouldn’t know, because she never actually- you know- addressed the question.
I haven’t heard anything about Aaron Miles since he was put on the DL back in June. When is he expected to be back?
– Philip S., Elmhurst, Ill.
So, there IS someone out there who cares where Aaron Miles is. You win, universe.
CARRIE: Miles is rehabbing at Triple-A Iowa, and as of Sunday, was batting .216 (11-for-51) in 12 games with three RBIs. If he was doing better, he would’ve been called up. Speaking of emergency catchers, Miles would be the No. 3 guy if he were on the roster.
Which still doesn’t answer the elusive emergency catcher question. I’m just going to go ahead and assume it’s Mike Fontenot. Since he apparently can’t throw the ball or lay down a bunt, he has to be on the roster for SOMETHING, right?
What brand or model is Kevin Gregg’s glasses that he wears when he pitches?
– Dylan W., Angola, Ill.
I can’t come up with any realistic circumstance in which I might need to know what kind of glasses Kevin Gregg wears. In fact, I’m hard-pressed to come up with too many UNrealistic circumstances in which I would need that information. And the circumstances I keep coming up with are something like: I’m held at gunpoint and they offer to let me live if I can tell them wear to get some sweet rec specs. But in that unlikely circumstance, I certainly don’t have the time to send a question to a matronly reporter and wait weeks until she responds. Hell, in that instance, I’m guessing there’s not even internet access. Plus, my captors probably wouldn’t even let me submit the question for fear that I was sending out a coded message to bring about my rescue.
What I’m saying is, “What the fuck is wrong with Dylan W.?”
CARRIE: Gregg wears Oakley’s, and said it’s a model called “Flak Jacket.” Angel Guzman also wears Oakley’s.
Now, a flak jacket definitely would have helped me in this situation. In reading the Muskbox. Not the hostage thing.
Carrie once again avoided my submitted question.
“Just how fucking dumb are you, anyway?”
So…Carrie knows what brand and model of glasses Gregg wears but she doesn’t know who is the emergency catcher?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
@ Bad Kermit – Oakley’s are NOT Rec Spec’s you asshole. I know you didn’t capitalize it, so maybe you weren’t being brand specifc, I just realized this, but just in case you were I wanted to call you an asshole.
PS – I once blew Eric Davis.
@Chris Sabo – Amen, Chris! I’m glad somebody caught that! And by “caught that” I’m referring to Eric Davis’s waaazz, and you blowing him. Book it!
Passenger on plane: Hey uh, should I be worried about those weird noises the engine is making or is that a pretty normal thing?
Carrie: The captain has joked that, if something goes wrong, fat people can ALSO serve as flotation devices.
Passenger: That really didn’t in any meaningful way answer my question.
Carrie: The captain is a riot! You should get to know him.
I think Carrie gets paid by the misused apostrophe.
Steve Stone told me we were getting Placido Polanco and Justin Verlander back in the Milton Bradley deal, so everyone can stop panicking.
And thank God Carrie found out about the Gregg glasses. Those’ll be just the thing to keep the Cheeto dust out of my eyes while I’m sitting on my fat ass watching the games on TV.
Just thought everyone should know, Muskat thought the 1984 NLCS was a best-of-seven, according to her article in the team-approved program.
Sweet. That means the series will be coming back to Wrigley for Games 6 & 7. Not only that, but Alan Wiggins is going to be too, ummm, dead to play.
Did anybody else have a “WTF?” moment when they walked Milton to get to Soriano yesterday??
As soon as they intentionally walked Milton, I said “That’s a mistake.”
And sure enough, Soriano hits a grand slam. And gives their dugout a lot of crap!!! I LOVE IT!!
HORACE GRANT is in the house!!! Awesome! Horace, you were the greatest! I was ticked when they traded you!
@BK – This is why I drink.
I heard that they used to have a great deal at Bennigan’s.
@Mike D. – I’m too coked up, I mean choked up, to believe he’s dead.
@Moon –
Walking Bradley to set up the force at home made sense to me. In that case, the only runner who mattered was Lee.
The only way to avoid facing Alf with a runner on third and less than two outs would have been if Bradley had somehow hit into a double play–which was possible, but not the most likely outcome by any stretch of the imagination. So walking him did no real harm to their position. I guess it set up a situation in which you absolutely can’t walk Soriano, but it’s usually pretty hard to walk him anyway unless your pitcher gets insanely wild. It was a pretty bleak situation for Houston, and walking Bradley probably did no harm and may have very slightly improved their prospects.
Of course then Soriano went and hit a grand slam like some kind of asshole, when all we needed was one run. A better teammate, a better man, would have just hit a sac fly and saved those extra, useless, RBIs for a more clutch situation.
Rec Spec’s are the shit.
Nice logic Muskrat.
Did you ever think that he has more homers from the left side because he bats 2.5 times more often from the left side than the right?
Current career averages: .266 vs righties, .305 vs lefties.
Career percentages of plate appearances in which he homered: 2.9% vs righties, 3.5% vs lefties.
@Chris – You take your analytical reasoning right the hell out of the Musbox, mister.
My apologies.