Welcome to the worst day of the year, sports fans. During the day after the All-Star Game, there is absolutely nothing remotely interesting happening in the world of sports. It is…The Least Interesting Day in the World.

  • It makes small talk about the weather, even when it’s perfectly sunny outside.
  • It once took out the garbage…without being asked by its wife.
  • It never says it had its hair cut. It says it had its ears lowered.
  • It once got a ticket because it forgot to feed the meter.
  • It’s been known to cause narcolepsy…just by walking into a room.
  • Its organ donation card lists its kidneys.
  • It once had an awkward silence…because it asked a woman who wasn’t pregnant when the baby was due.
  • It’s a lover, not a fighter. A lover of home cooking and the Bible.
  • If it disagrees with you, it is because it has a different opinion than you do on a certain issue.
  • Its wife lists it as her emergency contact.
  • If it were to give you directions, it would use both landmarks and street names.
  • It once taught its German Shepard how to bark.
  • If it forgets to put postage on its mail, it gets returned and readdressed.
  • He once dialed a wrong number, and after exchanging some pleasantries, apologized and hung up.
  • If there were an interesting gland, its would be average-sized.
  • It lives vicariously through one of its single friends from college.
  • It sleeps with a night light, because it is afraid of the dark.

It doesn’t always drink beer, but when it does, it prefers Coors Light. Yawn, my friends.