The Least Interesting Day in the World
Welcome to the worst day of the year, sports fans. During the day after the All-Star Game, there is absolutely nothing remotely interesting happening in the world of sports. It is…The Least Interesting Day in the World.
- It makes small talk about the weather, even when it’s perfectly sunny outside.
- It once took out the garbage…without being asked by its wife.
- It never says it had its hair cut. It says it had its ears lowered.
- It once got a ticket because it forgot to feed the meter.
- It’s been known to cause narcolepsy…just by walking into a room.
- Its organ donation card lists its kidneys.
- It once had an awkward silence…because it asked a woman who wasn’t pregnant when the baby was due.
- It’s a lover, not a fighter. A lover of home cooking and the Bible.
- If it disagrees with you, it is because it has a different opinion than you do on a certain issue.
- Its wife lists it as her emergency contact.
- If it were to give you directions, it would use both landmarks and street names.
- It once taught its German Shepard how to bark.
- If it forgets to put postage on its mail, it gets returned and readdressed.
- He once dialed a wrong number, and after exchanging some pleasantries, apologized and hung up.
- If there were an interesting gland, its would be average-sized.
- It lives vicariously through one of its single friends from college.
- It sleeps with a night light, because it is afraid of the dark.
It doesn’t always drink beer, but when it does, it prefers Coors Light. Yawn, my friends.
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BigFlax
PenFoe
StPatrick
CT
CactusMcHarris
Its best friend is Mr. Buzz Killington
It doesn’t always watch television, but when it does, it prefers reruns of Yes, Dear.
It tells its wife that the dress doesn’t make her look fat, and that she’s perfect just the way she is.
Its alarm goes off at 6:30am to NPR, and it proceeds to eat a lightly toasted english muffin with cottage cheese and a glass of grapefruit juice for breakfast.
It sits patiently waiting at Hire Jim Essian.Com for number 57 of the T79 players to post.
It thinks the Carlos Zambrano should be put on waivers because he is too fiery.
It also thinks gambling is great if you like giving money away.
It makes its bed every day, even though it sleeps in it at night.
Its wife catches it watching porn, and it swears it was just this one time and that it does’t love her any less, but she never lets it live it down and eyes you
It watches the judge Sotomayor confirmation hearings.
It yawned at the mirror , then yawned again, and again, and again, and again, again, again, again, aaaaggai….
It likes the music of Kings of Leon.
It watched an entire marathon of Scrubs…….on WGN.
I’m pretending “home cooking” is really “home schooling”.
It liveblogged the Blackhawks press conference.
It likes watching paint dry, but once realized that a sox game was on tv and watched that instead.
So, whattya think?
10000 B.C. on HBO?
Horton Hears A Hoo (WTF?) on HBO2?
Fred Claus on HBO Sig??
Ocean’s 13 on HBOP?
Vig on HBO2P?
Star Trek Generations on HBOFP?
or
My Dog Skip on HBOF??
I’ve already seen Ocean’s 13 and Star Trek Generations several times.
Maybe I’ll just put a DVD on – “GOLD” with Roger Moore is the one top.
Stay clever, my friends.
You guys have just described my life. How depressing….
It places the lotion in the basket.
It only comments in the comments section and doesn’t dare venture to the shoutbox.
His company’s web filter restricts access to the shoutbox portion of HJE, and it consumes him with a fiery rage, yet he dutifully continues to add the new cover page to his TPS reports with his red stapler.
@Grow Stubs Grow – It knows how to use a proxy server as a workaround to said problem.
It wears a Todd Hundley jersey because it feels that he was a very gifted player and did not deserve all the harsh criticism he received as a Cubs player.
It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
It doesn’t mind the Sux or Tards, it enjoys the rivalry with both teams, it is a fan of all baseball.
It knows that the IT department blocked access to proxy servers and HJE but doesn’t mind doing work all day long anyways.
It just wikipedia’d “proxy server” and got pissed at how much reading would be required to learn what that is, so it wikipedia’d “boobs” instead, which definitely has a better wiki-entry.
@JerBear – I was totally going to go there. Well done.
It can only sigh when it looks at the clock. Friday 3:21 and no Friday round up posted yet.
@level5 –
No “Fukudome” either.
It makes you wonder what are membership fee’s are going towards…Hooters? Dave and Busters?
“are” should have been “our”…ugh.. Mondays