Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “.500 Again?” Edition
Posted by Sweet Uncle Lou on Fri, Jul 10, 2009
Hello, kids! I’m all giddy today, because I’m getting ready for our three-game sweep of the Cardinals, now that they lost THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER TO ANY TEAM IN MLB HISTORY. I hope you guys have picked a different Cardinals player to standing ovate this weekend. If you haven’t, may I suggest Todd Wellemeyer? He “played the game the right way” and had a longer Cub tenure than DeRosa did.
You guys sent in some GREAT tips this week, so thank you. There are a couple that I’m hanging onto for next week, so please keep the tips coming.
- The 20 best Cubs transactions since 1990. Notably missing: promoting Jim Essian. Idiots. Anyhow, I have issues with the order of several of them, but the list is pretty solid.
- Can you think of any great baseball rituals other than these top ten?
- Attention, new owner of the Cubs (whoever you end up being). HIRE THIS MAN.
- If you aren’t already horrendously sick of the Cajun Connection, they’re going to host This Week in Baseball tomorrow on Fox, home of such must-see television as Osbournes Reloaded and Secret Millionaire.
- Speaking of quality television, how many of the 26 “Must-See TV” shows can you name in five minutes? I only got 11.
- Was Babe Ruth really calling his shot? A new report suggests that he was not.
- Is there any greater comeuppance than what’s happening to Lenny Dykstra?
- Is Dusty Baker’s lineup construction killing the Reds? Let’s hope so.
- At the risk of angering Chuck to Chuck, I have to allow Mental Floss to explain why Wayne Messmer belts out “…home of the BREAVE!” before many of our games.
- Your steroid update for the week: Roger Clemens and Rafael Palmeiro are still delusional fuckheads.
- Is there trouble brewing in paradise? Get it? BREWing? (HT: Oliver)
- Pre sent in this quiz on the rules of baseball. Take it and see just how stupid our fan base is.
- What’s more fun than laughing at the Mets? Probably nothing. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
- Does your wife keep telling you that you don’t have room for a ping-pong table in the dining room? Well, tell her to shut her stupid face.
- How the turtle got its shell, and other made-up tales about this imaginary “turtle” animal.
- Everything you need to know about what happens to your soft-core porn when you return it to Netflix.
- Here are the crazy and heartbreaking stories of the people who made it off the Lost island by themselves.
- Cracked has seven classic Star Wars characters who are bigger shitheads than George Lucas himself.
- The marketers of beer are all lying to you. For one thing, women don’t want to sleep with you. Here are things two, three, and four.
- Speaking of sleeping with women, apparently your sperm travels faster toward attractive women. Specifically, their hair, chests, and faces.
- There’s only one way to make D-Day funny. Recreate it on a modern beach by yourself. WARNING! There are a couple of French boobies on display. Quit being such uptight Americans and enjoy them for what they are.
- Here are most likely the 15 creepiest ads you’ll ever see. Vintage or not.
- Justin Upton learns about bats.
- Since I know you guys still watch cartoons on Saturdays, here are some great moments of classic music meeting classic cartoons.
- There are some great one-sentence stories at this site. Some are funny, and some will touch you like Michael Jackson.
- Just looking at pictures of the Sears Tower Ledge makes my bowels cold.
- Are you looking to rob a bank in a leotard by knocking all of the cards out with purple smoke and carrying away the money in bags marked with dollar signs? Well, I have just the site for you.
- In these tough economic times, there is only one thing for Americans to do. Fuck with our bill collectors. (HT: Tom Trebelhorn)
- What do you get for the Chad who has everything? Get him Ript. Fuck you, society.
- The next time you’re invited to a wine-and-cheese party, don’t tell anyone, you sissy. Also, bring a keg.
- This guy might want to lower his standards just a little bit. (HT: J-Kerm)
- Some lady with giant cans has a gravestone that’s too sexy. Awesome.
- Would you pay more attention to the safety video on your airline if it looked something like this?
- If Wrigley ever gets a Jumbotron, I demand a Fuck-Cam (HT: Andy Dolan).
- Apparently, I went to the most boring schools ever. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
- My favorite new blog of the week comes from a tip from RV. Unnecessary “quotes.” Outstanding.
Well, that’s it for me, kids. Word on the street is that there might be a new little Friday feature premiering this afternoon, so hold your breath until then.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
Tags: Jim Essian, Justin Upton, Lenny Dykstra, Lou Piniella, Mark DeRosa, Mike Fontenot, Milwaukee Brewers, Rafael Palmeiro, Roger Clemens, Ryan Braun, Ryan Theriot, St. Louis Cardinals, Todd Wellemeyer, Wrigley Field


July 10th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Uncle Lou, did you forget the day/night on Sunday, or are you calling it a rainout already today?
July 10th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Carrie posted an inbox yesterday and were still waiting on a new Muskbox!
July 10th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I suspect Carrie intentionally Muskboxed the night before the Roundup because she knew Lou and I couldn’t coordinate two things at once. But I will have a Muskbox up at some point.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
No. I predict that Sunday’s night game will be canceled due to the tragic death of a Cardinal relief pitcher. We’re about due for one of those, right?
July 10th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
That guy sold that “Spider e-mail” thing for $10,000 on eBay!
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665808
July 10th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Well, that sperm velocity thing explains why my sperm is so slow: the women around here are all ugly!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
It seemed that the 20 best Cubs transactions mostly involved 1998 in some way. I don’t feel good about that…
July 10th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
This is what I’m saying. The women around here are UGGGGGGGLLLLLY!