Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “.500 Again?” Edition
Hello, kids! I’m all giddy today, because I’m getting ready for our three-game sweep of the Cardinals, now that they lost THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER TO ANY TEAM IN MLB HISTORY. I hope you guys have picked a different Cardinals player to standing ovate this weekend. If you haven’t, may I suggest Todd Wellemeyer? He “played the game the right way” and had a longer Cub tenure than DeRosa did.
You guys sent in some GREAT tips this week, so thank you. There are a couple that I’m hanging onto for next week, so please keep the tips coming.
- The 20 best Cubs transactions since 1990. Notably missing: promoting Jim Essian. Idiots. Anyhow, I have issues with the order of several of them, but the list is pretty solid.
- Can you think of any great baseball rituals other than these top ten?
- Attention, new owner of the Cubs (whoever you end up being). HIRE THIS MAN.
- If you aren’t already horrendously sick of the Cajun Connection, they’re going to host This Week in Baseball tomorrow on Fox, home of such must-see television as Osbournes Reloaded and Secret Millionaire.
- Speaking of quality television, how many of the 26 “Must-See TV” shows can you name in five minutes? I only got 11.
- Was Babe Ruth really calling his shot? A new report suggests that he was not.
- Is there any greater comeuppance than what’s happening to Lenny Dykstra?
- Is Dusty Baker’s lineup construction killing the Reds? Let’s hope so.
- At the risk of angering Chuck to Chuck, I have to allow Mental Floss to explain why Wayne Messmer belts out “…home of the BREAVE!” before many of our games.
- Your steroid update for the week: Roger Clemens and Rafael Palmeiro are still delusional fuckheads.
- Is there trouble brewing in paradise? Get it? BREWing? (HT: Oliver)
- Pre sent in this quiz on the rules of baseball. Take it and see just how stupid our fan base is.
- What’s more fun than laughing at the Mets? Probably nothing. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
- Does your wife keep telling you that you don’t have room for a ping-pong table in the dining room? Well, tell her to shut her stupid face.
- How the turtle got its shell, and other made-up tales about this imaginary “turtle” animal.
- Everything you need to know about what happens to your soft-core porn when you return it to Netflix.
- Here are the crazy and heartbreaking stories of the people who made it off the Lost island by themselves.
- Cracked has seven classic Star Wars characters who are bigger shitheads than George Lucas himself.
- The marketers of beer are all lying to you. For one thing, women don’t want to sleep with you. Here are things two, three, and four.
- Speaking of sleeping with women, apparently your sperm travels faster toward attractive women. Specifically, their hair, chests, and faces.
- There’s only one way to make D-Day funny. Recreate it on a modern beach by yourself. WARNING! There are a couple of French boobies on display. Quit being such uptight Americans and enjoy them for what they are.
- Here are most likely the 15 creepiest ads you’ll ever see. Vintage or not.
- Justin Upton learns about bats.
- Since I know you guys still watch cartoons on Saturdays, here are some great moments of classic music meeting classic cartoons.
- There are some great one-sentence stories at this site. Some are funny, and some will touch you like Michael Jackson.
- Just looking at pictures of the Sears Tower Ledge makes my bowels cold.
- Are you looking to rob a bank in a leotard by knocking all of the cards out with purple smoke and carrying away the money in bags marked with dollar signs? Well, I have just the site for you.
- In these tough economic times, there is only one thing for Americans to do. Fuck with our bill collectors. (HT: Tom Trebelhorn)
- What do you get for the Chad who has everything? Get him Ript. Fuck you, society.
- The next time you’re invited to a wine-and-cheese party, don’t tell anyone, you sissy. Also, bring a keg.
- This guy might want to lower his standards just a little bit. (HT: J-Kerm)
- Some lady with giant cans has a gravestone that’s too sexy. Awesome.
- Would you pay more attention to the safety video on your airline if it looked something like this?
- If Wrigley ever gets a Jumbotron, I demand a Fuck-Cam (HT: Andy Dolan).
- Apparently, I went to the most boring schools ever. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
- My favorite new blog of the week comes from a tip from RV. Unnecessary “quotes.” Outstanding.
Well, that’s it for me, kids. Word on the street is that there might be a new little Friday feature premiering this afternoon, so hold your breath until then.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
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BigFlax
PenFoe
StPatrick
CT
CactusMcHarris
Uncle Lou, did you forget the day/night on Sunday, or are you calling it a rainout already today?
Carrie posted an inbox yesterday and were still waiting on a new Muskbox!
I suspect Carrie intentionally Muskboxed the night before the Roundup because she knew Lou and I couldn’t coordinate two things at once. But I will have a Muskbox up at some point.
No. I predict that Sunday’s night game will be canceled due to the tragic death of a Cardinal relief pitcher. We’re about due for one of those, right?
That guy sold that “Spider e-mail” thing for $10,000 on eBay!
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665808
Well, that sperm velocity thing explains why my sperm is so slow: the women around here are all ugly!!!
It seemed that the 20 best Cubs transactions mostly involved 1998 in some way. I don’t feel good about that…
This is what I’m saying. The women around here are UGGGGGGGLLLLLY!