God, We Suck
Posted by Bad Kermit on Wed, Jul 8, 2009
Not you, Chicago Cubs. I try never to refer to the team as “we,” since I’m just a stupid fan writing silly things about the wacky stuff you do. No, the “we” that sucks is the “we” that includes me in the definition of “Cubs fan.” I’m saddened to say that you Cubs fans reading this blog have just officially become part of the stupidest fan base in the history of any sport at any level of competition. There have been a lot of stupid things that “we” have done in the past few years. Here are several:
- Bought “It’s Gonna Happen” signs.
- Wore rice hats and held up racist signs to “welcome” our Japanese outfielder.
- Posed for pictures with Ronnie Woo-Woo.
- Called for Sam Fuld to start over Alfonso Soriano.
- Gave a standing ovation to an opposing journeyman utility infielder. Why? Because that journeyman put up similar offensive numbers to Todd Walker over a two year stretch in a Cubs uniform. Oh, and he has stubble.
- Bought Ryan Theriot jerseys.
- Booed Derrek Lee.
- Put a goddamn goat’s head on a statue to break a curse that doesn’t exist.
- Suggested that the outright release of Carlos Zambrano would actually HELP the Cubs.
- Suggested that the team would be better right now with Kerry Wood than Kevin Gregg.
- Ran onto the field to challenge a pitcher versed in the martial arts. Twice.
- Advocated building a statue to honor Ron Santo.
But there is no crime of stupidity worse than what’s happening right now at Kaplan’s blog. Kaplan put up a poll that asks Cubs fans, “Would you change Wrigley’s name if it meant a World Series title for the Cubs?” What would you assume that poll would look like if it was put up on a Yankee fan’s blog? Or a Cardinal fan’s blog? Or even an overly-emotional-and-hyper-sensitive Red Sox fan’s blog?
100% YES, 0% NO?
99% YES, 1% NO with five or six comments after the poll saying things like, “Shit! I hit the wrong button! I meant ‘YES’!”
Oh, how wrong you would be. If you can stomach it, go check the results.
“No, some things are more important than winning,” is down to 35% right now, but it was at 38% the last time I checked. That’s right. More than 0% of the fan base that includes YOU would rather go to “Wrigley Field, Home of Perennial Loser Chicago Cubs,” than “State Farm Field, Home of 2009 World Champion Chicago Cubs.”
Bring it on, Cardinals fans, White Sox fans, and Brewers fans. Forget the “All Cubs fans are so GAY!” jokes. Focus on the stupidity. “We” absolutely deserve it thanks to the completely idiotic actions of “our” extremely vocal minority.
I advise anyone reading this site or anyone else frustrated by this poll to just agree with the fans of our rivals. The Cubs do, indeed, have the dumbest fan base in sports.
BigFlax
StPatrick
PenFoe
CT
Bocaj
July 8th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
We’re not all gay.
But we’re willing to learn.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
@Andy – Would they send us someplace special?
July 8th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
We are stupid
July 8th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
out of 216 voters 67 people (ie 31%) at the this time voted no. So yes we are stupid, but 67 can’t speak for all of us
July 8th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
We’re not all stupid…but yea, a decent amount are VERY stupid. The worst part is, that 30 to 40 percent of morons completely eliminate the option for Cubs ownership to even contemplate a name change. What business wants to step up and be known as the company that renamed Wrigley Field? You know there’d be boycotts, protests, etc…it’s not worth the money. Plus, outside of rival teams and broadcasters with contracts to uphold, who would call it by another name? Don’t many Sox fans still call their park Comiskey Park? I know I’ll always call it Wrigley regardless of an official name change.
Still, I’d have no problem with the team expanding the payroll because of a lousy stadium name change. I just don’t see it happening though.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
WRIGLEY isn’t even WRIGLEY anymore. It’s MARS CANDY!!!!
July 8th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
@Bad Kermit – I have just the place.
July 8th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
That makes sense. I mean, the Wrigley family were wonderful owners who gave us a brilliant legacy. It would be a shame to see a single thing changed. And don’t even dream of tearing Wrigley Field down and building something modern in its place.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
2 things…..1. Posing with Ronnie Woo Woo isn’t stupid. He is a F- List Local Celeb so that doesn’t mean that people who pose with him are stupid. 2. Ron Santo was one of the best Cubs players ever and probably should deserve a statue, at least after Ryno gets one. That’s just my opinion.
July 8th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I went to his page against my will…well, ok, I clicked on your link. Bravo BK…nice comments to call peeps out. For what it’s worth, I chose Yes. Please God, yes.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Kerm, I’ve been saying this out heres for over ten years now. Some of us might be ghey, and that’s ok. But the vast majority of us are just plain stupid.
July 8th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
You are talking about a poll in which readers of Kaplan are voting. That is a poor sample.
July 8th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I agree with matt, poor sample. Who the hell reads kaplans blog? Isn’t that stupid on it’s own?
July 8th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I would have added to the list “anything we’ve done that’s involved Michael Barrett”. We loved that sorry sack of dumb.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
You are dead-on my friend. when I saw a drunk cubs fan complain about losing Jason Kendall and then proceed to dive head-first down a couple rows of seats for a foul ball, kicking a little girl in the process, I shed some respect for who these idiots think they are. It’s like telling an extremely cute girl at college that you belong to the frat that is known for drug-raping women. No matter how genuine you are, there is a stigma that sticks with you. It’s too bad and Cubs fans, don’t be offended by these remarks. I’m sure you are good fans, but if you’ve booed a Cubs player, try and remember thY they are the reason we follow them everyday. And if Milton Bradley hits the game winner that puts us in the World Series, how could you honestly feel food about cheering? I can’t wait til he hits .300 and I can say I was right; just like Jimmy Edmonds last season! Go Cubs Goddammit!
July 8th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Would StsteFarmville have all those cooooool bars? If so, I’ down with change.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Ummmm StateFarmville….. You see what I was going for was F it.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
They could call it “Tony LaRussa Is God Park” if it meant a title.
This tradition bullshit is ludicrous. This fucking Elaine Stritch of a ballpark has never been home to a World Champion. In fact, most of the great moments in this fucking place have belonged to guys in fucking home uniforms.
Fucking dolts.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Perhaps the Billy Goat Tavern could buy the naming rights and name it after the establishment.
Or name it “Curse Field”.
But seriously, naming rights will win a Series? Talk about delusional – those that think that will even vaguely help are just as stupid as the people that don’t want the name to change. That money will just go into the pockets of the owners, the team and their related facilities will never see the money, nor any improvements because of it.
July 8th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Kaplan, even though he’s (probably) not Catholic, should have asked if intercession with the Pope would have brought the Cubs a few playoff victories. Heck, at this point in the season, it’s looking like the Cubs need to do all they can to make it to 3rd place.
And Mr. Fuckwad (a great seven-letter word, although probably not in the Scrabble dictionary) should have had a minor beating administered somewhere under the bleachers – they do those sorts of things in Chicago, no?
July 8th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Okay, I agree I would rather have Wrigley called “Home Depot Field” and have a World Series title, then have Wrigley continue to be called Wrigley. However the fact of the matter is changing the name of the stadium has NOTHING to do with winning, at all….the fans who said “No” probably have an average IQ of 70 but its even dumber to debate the question left by kaplan, because 1. Who gives a flying fuck what Allan Kaplan is asking? 2. Think of how stupid the people who answer these questions are, out of the handful of people who watch the poor excuse for a show how many do you think actually follow his blog, your not really getting the cream of the crop when it comes to Cub’s fans opinions… 3. The name of the stadium will not effect the on field performance of the Cubs…
July 9th, 2009 at 12:27 am
You guys, I don’t think Kaplan thinks that changing the name has anything to do with winning. The issue is with the dumb fans who are more obsessed with the naming rights than a winner. The sample size is small, but that anybody thinks that is just incredible.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:10 am
I am so smrt
July 9th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Naming rights can have a lot to do with winning, as the money generated from the rights (which would go directly to the owner of the park – the Chicago Cubs’ owner) could then be reinvested in the team. You’re talking a possible $20-30 million a year in additional payroll.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:11 am
I am confused.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Where can I buy an IGH sign ?
July 9th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I’ve been saying for years I don’t give a fuck what you call the park. If it can help the Cubs increase payroll to bring in talented players, you can call it Tampax Park for all I care. The Sox can have The Cell, we’d have The MaxiPad. To be completely honest, I’m favor of knocking the fucker down and starting over. I love Wrigley, but I’m a Cubs fan first. I think the team would be better served if they had a new stadium with modern amenities. And I don’t mean a sushi bar or iPod docks in the lockers, but the kind of amenities that would help the ball club play better baseball. The new field surface is nice, but how about some training facilities from this century?
July 9th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Agreed. I don’t think Kaplan is saying the two are connected at all. Yes, one could make the argument that revenue from the naming rights would be put into payroll which would improve the team. But one could also make the argument that revenue from the naming rights would go right into the pockets of the Ricketts family (or whoever ends up owning this team).
July 9th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
@morpheus – I meant “road uniforms”, I don’t rant as well as Huey does.
Plus, I’m old.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Why don’t they just rename it “World Series Champion’s Field”, then they wouldn’t have to win a phucking thing but all of “us” would think they did!
Or they could just play more hockey games like the park was designed for to begin with, and call it, “Juno Lighting Hockey Baseball Fun Town Concert-Land Park, Sponsored by Mustard and Hot Dogs”.
Seriously though, I’m glad Wrigley isn’t named after some stupid behemoth corporation, now that would be ghey.
Beer.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
I don’t see how the extra money would even help. Hendry would go out and blow it on overrated players and lock them into long-term deals with no-trade clauses just like all the overpriced junk that’s there now. Bottom line is: All Cubs fans are stupid for continuing to believe that the Cubs can win a World Series.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
And what is wrong with buying jerseys of playersa on the team? I am pretty sure that it means you are a real fan who actually watches the team and grows fond of certain players like The Riot who people appreciate his hard nose style of play. Sorry, I didnt realize that we are all supposed to wear D. Lee and Ramirez jerseys. 1,2,4,5,7,9,10,11 and 12 were legit but 3,6 and 8 pretty much tell me that you dont know what the fuck you are talking about. Looks like your the one that sucks.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Sorry, 8 was gay. But 3 and 6 are legit, how many homeless people do you know that become partially famous, give the guy a break, I say put him in a Riot jersey!
July 9th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Yes, why give a nice little ovation to the guy who was pretty much the team mvp last year, when the team won a bunch of games and went to the playoffs? What a bunch of idiots… oh wait, that’s a perfectly reasonably thing to do for true fans who appreciate a guy who plays hard at every day, and can play maybe 6 positions? Oh.
And it’s not like Santo deserves to be a HOFer, or was the best Cubs third baseman of the last 50 years or anything… oh wait, he was?
Kerry Wood and Kevin Gregg are a wash. If you honestly think Gregg is far superior, you’re clearly confused about how good Gregg is. He isn’t lights out. He’s Bob freakin Howry so far. Blown saves scattered about, a good stretch of 8 or 10 or 12 games, looks scary with a one-run lead, padding his stats when they’re up by 3 or 4 runs. He’s probably the 4th best closer… in the NL Central.
You make some fair observations but you screw up your own points with all this nonsense.
July 9th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
@matt sinatro –
1. Giving a standing ovation to an opposing player when he is in a position to BEAT YOUR TEAM is completely idiotic. Especially when that same player played for all of two years in Chicago. That’s exactly what the idiots at Wrigley Field did.
2. Are you suggesting that Santo deserves a statue more than, oh, say, Billy Williams? Because Billy was a better player and has done far more for the organization than Santo. And he’s not a whiny dope.
3. “Blown saves scattered about”? Gregg has THREE blown saves all year. It’s nice of Kerry to lump all of his blown saves into one weekend against the Cubs. Have you even looked at Wood’s numbers this year? The Cubs are statistically far better off with Gregg right now than they would be with Wood. Wood is 10 for 14 in save opportunities with a 5+ ERA. Gregg is 15 for 18 with a 3.43. But Wood is the “sentimental” choice, which is exactly why dopes like you would rather have him than a more-effective Gregg.
“Nonsense,” indeed. But it’s not coming from me.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
@The Bull – Because Theriot isn’t a very good player. Lee and Ramirez are. But I’m sure you know more about baseball than I do because you own a Theriot jersey. I assume it only comes in child-size? My experience with anyone who feels the need to declare himself a “real fan” is that he’s not.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I’m not clear on how the amount of time Derosa spent in Chicago has any bearing on the fans appreciating his role as the likely mvp of a very good Cubs team, but go on with that logic if it makes you happy. He was in a position to beat the Cubs every time he came up to bat — should the fans perhaps write encouraging signs instead, or boo him enthusiastically to show their support? What’s the proper way to greet an opposing player who gave his best for the team, and left on good terms, oh wise one?
And put your straw man away; I never suggested Santo was better than Billy Williams, or anyone else, except every other 3rd baseman the Cubs have had in several decades. He bleeds blue, and any fan should be able to get behind that. He wears his heart on his sleeve, or his announcer’s mic, as it were. I understand that grates on some people, but look at his stats, and look at his contributions as well. He isn’t unfit to have a statue at Wrigley just because there are other Cubs greats who might deserve such an honor as well.
Seriously, it must be easy for you when you argue against what you wish I said. I said Gregg and Wood was a wash – which it is. I feel no sentimentality about it. I just feel that neither of them are stellar, lights-out closers. Gregg is the 4th best closer in his own division. Wood would be as well. ERA is a crappy stat, especially for a reliever. I don’t care what his ERA is. I care about his WHIP. Gregg’s is better, but at 1.30, it’s not good enough for a closer. Both Wood and Gregg have given up an unusually high number of HRs so far, and that skews both their numbers. Wood probably isn’t helped by playing on a crap team, where he only gets a save opportunity once in a blue moon. But I still wouldn’t clearly take one over the other, as they’re both sub-par.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
@matt sinatro – proper way to do anything would be to cheer for the pitcher. Or not cheer at all.
and bleeds blue? Al? that you?
if we’re giving out statues for numbers in a Cubs uniform, why not sammy sosa and all his HR? and no offense, but why does every player ever need a statue? if you cant remember ernie banks or andre dawson (or hell, aramis fucking ramirez) because of who they were and what they meant to your team, what kind of suckass fan are you? if you cant explain to your kid why ernie banks was awesome, go root for the brewers.
and you cant call Gregg and Wood a wash when you say “I care about his WHIP. Gregg’s is better . . .” so you admit Gregg is better. game, set, match. yeah, its not ideal, but really, the ideal whip is 0. and when you find that pitcher, you sign him to a contract with the cubs and cheer the fuck out of him. until then, quit bitching.
and come the hell on, who actually buys a theriot jersey when there’s ramirez, soriano, lee, bradley, maddux, banks, santo, etc jerseys? chicks arent the only ones who dig the longball.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I tend to not get too worked up over unscientific Internet polls of any kind, particularly those involving the Cubs on a Chicago-media-affiliated website. Because if the past Cubs-related polls at the Trib, S-T and pretty much every other local sports site are any guide, most of the respondents are Sox fans trying to make Cub fans look bad (or to get a rise out of us).
Exhibit A: The fucking “Should the Cubs trade Zambrano” silliness that Phildo Rogers milked to the hilt last week. I know our fan base has it’s dumb elements (unlike, say, every other fucking fan base in sports… seriously, I just attended a Dodger game in LA a few weeks back and even the dumbest Wrigley patron looks like a goddamned Nobel laureate compared to the idiots I was surrounded by at Chavez Ravine all night), but even you can’t believe that anywhere near 60 percent of Cub fans want Z. gone.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:54 am
@matt sinatro – Okay, so you said Wood and Gregg are a “wash.” And you’re still dead wrong, and you proved it in your own comment.
Have fun wearing your Theriot jersey and cheering for DeRosa as he’s sitting on the bench this weekend. You’re absolutely right. Those handsome, harmless white guys were WAY more important to the team last year than, oh, say, Aramis Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano, Geovany Soto, and Carlos Marmol. I hope they bring back DeRosa next year and sign Theriot to a lifetime contract.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Right on Ryan, I second. Too bad we’re apparently trying to explain to this to the same type of jags who “Aresenio” halfway through the National Anthem.
July 10th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Mark Derosa’s 2009 OPS- .777
Mark Derosa’s 2009 OBP- .334
His OBP is 30 points lower than Milton Bradley’s. He’s not that fucking good.
And saying that Mark Derosa has a chance to beat you everytime he comes up to bat might just be the gayest thing anyone has ever said.
Now Todd Walker… that guy could rake.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
@idigapony – Exactly. Mark DeRosa is a good, valuable baseball player who can play several positions adequately and was on the team for all of two fucking seasons. The hero worship this guy gets is retarded.
I’ll be MUCH more sad to see Ted Lilly leave this team than I was to see DeRosa leave.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Second post in a row I read here that absolutely nailed it and compelled me to respond. Anyone who disagrees with any of the above points is just not very baseball smart, except maybe the jersey-buying one — there are a lot of Garciaparras out there I could fault more. (At least Theriot plays.) The “release Bradley” camp qualifies, too. (The only way you take that loss on your devalued house is if you sell it that low.) And I absolutely can’t stand that there’s a “bronze Ron” movement. If they hadn’t started watering down the retired numbers this year as opposed to adding some equal recognition to some guys from the past (i.e. not 1969) that didn’t wear numbers, then maybe that would still be a high enough honor for anyone not nicknamed Mr. Cub, who absolutely deserves it. What happened to that flag being Ron’s Hall of Fame? I grew up a Sandberg fan and I don’t want to see him bronzed — and he at least was on division winners. I only hoped to see him sneak into the Hall and get a flag flying in right one day. Done and done. No more needed. Just because the Sox and Tigers and Cardinals put up statues when they build new ballparks doesn’t mean the Cubs have to keep up. The Astros even bronzed Bagwell and Biggio before they retired! Where does it end? Apparently with the “DeRosa 7″ flying just above the basket on the RF foul pole at the bottom of a stack of numbers.
December 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Why the hell do we have to change the name of the fucking ballpark to win a series. Just go buy the goddam players and win it all. i don’t care how much it costs, the cubs fans deserve it and have paid for it loyally year after year. the management needs to get thier head outta thier ass and do it. It can’t be that hard I watched the Yankees do it this. If we need a CF we should of got the best one avail. The same with second base. Just go buy the fucking championship Ricketts, I’m tired of waiting for it to happen magically.
December 10th, 2009 at 10:31 am
@paintersix – I’m completely cool with buying a championship. Hell, I don’t even care if they buy the players it takes to WIN the championship. Just cut out the middle man, and buy the actual World Series trophy.