Hire Jim Essian

First of all, I have HUGE NEWS! Jim acquired Jeff Baker from the Rockies! I guess that’s only huge if you assume the Aaron Miles era is over. I’m not completely convinced that it is. Anyhow, since most of you won’t be working tomorrow (meaning we probably won’t post tomorrow), you get your weekly Roundup a day early. As always, Roundup tips, hilarious stories, or any other tidbits you want to send are appreciated.

• Baker should be excited to be in Chicago. Or absolutely horrified.
• I hope this guy starves to death for being an attention-whoring idiot.
• Apparently all of you fans who sent cases of Kryptonite to St. Louis were on to something.
• What’s in an infield fly?
• Shawn Estes is too good for your “Major Leagues.” (HT: Ned Ryerson)
• Cardinals fans are brilliant, bouncy. (HT: dying diehard)
• There has to be something wrong with this story. A guy racked up $120,000 in medical bills from a partially-guillotined arm and a coma, and he’s suing the hospital for $50,000?
• Jim Leyritz is still a winner.
• Old Liver Spots actually made a good decision by adding another pitcher to the All-Star Game rosters. THIS PITCHER COUNTS!
• In case you were wondering what it’s like to share a bathroom with Rothschild, now there’s video out there.
• Which internet personality disorder do YOU have (other than nerditis)?
• Kneel before your King, baby. (HT: Grow, Stubs, Grow)
• Methinks someone was screwing around with his editor.
• It’s finally pool season. Here are 12 pools in which I’m sure you dorks would like to wear your t-shirts.
• I would think a fine, a record, and a little time spent is worth creating an awesome traffic cone monster.
• This nightmare fuel is powerful enough to put Sinatro’s ass into orbit.
• Take this 12-question quiz on the BBC version of The Office.
• If you haven’t seen Eastbound and Down, you’re an idiot, but here’s your chance at redemption.
• To get us back to our former winning ways, I was considering having the team work on drills in the middle of Lake Michigan, take some swings in the lion cages at the Brookfield Zoo, do wind sprints down the middle of Lake Shore Drive, and lift weights in the center of Grant Park all to the tune of “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.” Apparently, that’s not a great idea.
• Surprisingly, HJE didn’t make this list of 10 Ways to Learn Stuff While Procrastinating Online.
• Son of Feeney explores Step by Step. No, it’s the one with Patrick Duffy.
• If you think fishing was boring, you are correct. But this is pretty awesome.
• One of my new favorite sites of the week must have been created by people even lazier than I am. Many of them are tremendously stupid, but some of them are funny.
• My favorite new (to me) blog of the week, however, pokes fun at the people who take their Yahoo! Answers VERY seriously.
• Finally, I have to disagree with several of the choices made in the Greatest Baseball Lineup from the Movies Ever (I WAS IN LITTLE BIG LEAGUE, PEOPLE), but let’s hear your lineup in the comments. (HT: Ginger Russ)

Well, that’s it for me. Take your tips from these people and be safe this holiday weekend. USA! USA! USA!

-Sweet Uncle Lou