Hire Jim Essian

Yesterday, the Cubs acquired Tom Gorzelanny and John Grabow from the Pittsburgh Pirates. Both are left-handed pitchers. Both have been successful in the past. Both have sexy glamor shots. Both are in this week's Fukudome. While Grabow is ready to pitch right now, Gorzelanny has been terrific in AAA during his rehab stint. He ... Read More

Well, gang, it's been yet another great week of comments. I don't know if you guys are trying to win an award or if it's just happenstance, but you have REALLY stepped up your game. I'm standing at the top step of the dugout applauding you all right now. I was awful tempted to choose Denton's comment ... Read More

Well, it's trade deadline day. I'm assuming Jim is trying to trade for six or seven more left-handed pitchers, a couple more left-handed hitters, and ten second basemen. If anything exciting happens, I'm sure Kermit will tell you about it in timely fashion. Probably by Tuesday, at the latest. Thanks, as always, for your tips. What's worse? ... Read More

In what has become an annual tradition around the trade deadline, the Cubs have apparently once again dipped into their AAA team in Pittsburgh, calling up John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny. (HT: TDubbs) Eh. They're both bullpen lefties, an area in which the Cubs are lacking once Sean Marshall gets used. Apparently, Gorzelanny cost them Kevin ... Read More

Pat Quinn declared today Mark Buehrle Day in honor of the left-hander's perfect game last week. I don't begrudge the guy his success, as both his no-hitter and perfect game are well-deserved. However, I have to ask... ... Read More

As you guys may recall, HJE was, at some point, supposed to join the Chicago Now network of blogs. That's not going to happen anymore. My e-mail to the gentleman who entered into the verbal agreement with me is below: I suspect, since I have not heard anything from you, that the proposed move of Hire Jim Essian to ... Read More

I'm going to go ahead and give Carrie some credit. She may pick ludicrous questions to answer. She may pick decent questions and completely fail to answer them. And she might get her facts wrong sometimes. But at least she doesn't make stuff up, which makes her a better journalist than Burnt Sienna and Playgirl. ... Read More

It's bad enough when the only people who are sucking the enjoyment out of the Cubs for me are other idiotic Cub fans, but now I can't help but get sucked in to the cesspool of unexamined mental unhealthiness that is Sox Nation? First there was Mark Buerhle's perfect game, which deserves acclaim, naturally. But then the Manolantern poses an ... Read More

In case you didn't notice, a few things happened over the weekend. The Cubs sent a message to the NL Central which read, "We're done fucking around." The dynamic duo of dipshits, Steve Stone and David Kaplan, must have had a slumber party during which they prank called the cutest boy in class and started a completely retarded ... Read More

Now that Matt Holliday is a Cardinal, I hate him. I hate his stupid swing. I hate his stupid face. I hate his stupid number. But, most of all, I hate his stupid jowls. So, let's put them in the Fukudome against Rick Ankiel, his number one Cardinals rival in the category of jowls. VS. Rick Ankiel Matt ... Read More