Hire Jim Essian

Take THAT, English language! After a three-week hiatus, the Muskbox is back! One forgets how much one truly loves the Muskbox until one goes three weeks without one. And then, when one is one question into said Muskbox, one recalls why one enjoyed the three-week respite from it. One. I've always been a Reed Johnson fan from ... Read More

The Cubs are in Cincinnati to take on Dusty Baker's Reds, which always reminds me how glad I am that they are not "Dusty Baker's Cubs." The two managers prior to Lou Piniella were back-to-back dumbasses. So, let's put them in the Fukudome. VS. Dusty Baker Don Baylor ... Read More

I hope you idiots didn't forget that today is National Doughnut Day, so make sure you thank those great men and women who fought in the Doughnut Wars. I was a bit hungover under the weather earlier, so I apologize for the late Roundup. I sure hope you didn't get any work done this morning, or anything. Geovany Soto ... Read More

I keep forgetting to post this hilarious video of the WWE's "The Miz" calling out Alfonso Soriano. Soriano's reaction is the most awkward thing I've seen since the first time I watched Rushmore. HT: RV ... Read More

Everyone does the "Ch- Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes" headline when they're about to do something wacky to their site. Unoriginal bastards must have never heard of Mötley Crüe. As you may have already heard from the gossipy Andy Dolan, change is coming to HJE. Sometime this summer (probably in July), HJE is going to join the Chicago ... Read More

Please allow me to digress from Cubs baseball for- No, screw that. I don't have to ask for your permission. This is for all you married guys or, in the alternative, for you guys dating girls who celebrate things like the first time you went under-the-shirt, over-the-bra. Miss Piggy Mrs. Kermit and I have our four-year wedding ... Read More