Call me arrogant. Call me naive. Accuse me of shaking my fist at the gods. But I can’t help but smugly smile upon hearing the news that serial saving-children-from-burning-houses hero and future first ballot Hall of Famer Mark DeRosa has been dealt to the St. Louis Cardinals.
Look, I’m not going to pretend that my dismissal of DeRosa is anything other than knee-jerk emotional irrationality, so don’t expect me to apologize for it. In a nutshell, I was annoyed by a guy who seemed to so easily pander to the whole “Gosh, ain’t Wrigleyville swell?” mindset while, at the same, time completely failing to block such inconsequential bullshit out of his mind when it actually, you know mattered.
Because of my weird desire to see media ass-grabbers like DeRosa actually back up their glib bullshit by picking up their team when most needed, and finding myself supremely disappointed when said motormouths instead turtle up like battered housewives when the opportunity presents itself, I was more than glad to see Jim Hendry toss the stubble-faced douchebag out with the bathwater last winter, even if the players he got in return–although apparently pretty good–would not pay dividends for a while.
My satisfaction at seeing this turdblossom dealt out of town to wax poetic with another town’s media about abstract World Series hopes turned to downright aggravation when DeRosa came back to town last weekend and was treated by the local idiot fanbase like Jonas Salk.
I can understand giving Mr. Gregarious a nice hand during his first at-bat back at Wrigley Field–a venue in which, I should point out, this guy participated in as many Cubs playoff victories as Candy Maldonado–but seeing a majority of the yokels in attendance Saturday actually demonstrate the temerity to give him a standing “O” when he came up as a pinch-hitter in the 8th inning of a tie game is easily one of the most embarrassing moments I’ve ever witnessed as a fan, and it’s only bolstered my DeRosa Hate.
After personally watching this fuckbucket go hitless in the series finale, I was content to move on.
But, nooooooooooooo. It looks like Ole’ Stubbleface will get to return for countless more standing ovations.
You know what, though? I welcome it. For the Cubs to actually do what we’ve all been hoping for them to do, I think it’s rather short-sighted to expect them to do it predictably. When Kerry Wood served up the game-tying homerun to DLee last week, a thought occurred to me. Normally, in spite of the Cubs’ long-suffering history, I still would have found some place in my heart to feel sorry for Wood. But ever since last season’s shit-fest (again, thanks in no small part to asshats like DeRosa), I find myself bereft of any remaining empathy for anyone not associated with the team. So as much as I loved Kerry Wood while he was here, I had absolutely no feeling for him after he served up that cookie. In fact, the thought occurred to me that in order for the Cubs to reach the pinnacle, they need to slay those types of ghosts.
And the same goes for DeRosa. Was he not a very valuable player for the Cubs? Well, until the playoffs, yes. He was arguably the team MVP last season, in fact. Was he not producing like a madman for Cleveland this year? Hell yeah, the guy was on pace for over 100 RBI. So, while normally the idea of this guy joining the Cardinals could spell DOOM for the Cubs, I’m willing to stare into the belly of the beast and proclaim “bring it on”. Seriously. Let’s not forget that Mark DeRosa is a journeyman veteran who had his two best years with the Cubs. I suppose he could continue to prove a statistical outlier and lead the Cardinals to a pennant, but I’m going to instead choose to believe that this is merely another obstacle for the Cubs to get to the mountaintop. After all, the he batted cleanup in his first game today.
The Cubs are playing like shit, but they’re only 3 1/2 games out of first place. Obviously, this is all moot if they continue to treat the baseball–both at the plate and defensively–like it’s riddled with AIDS. But may the good lord strike me down if they fail to make the playoffs because of the presence of Mark F. DeRosa on the flippin’ St. Louis Cardinals. Call me wacko, but this moves makes me serenely confident.
