Listen, potential Muskboxers. If Carrie has told you once, she’s told you a MILLION times. If you’re going to keep asking her the same stupid questions over and over and over again, she is going to have NO CHOICE but to publish said questions ad nauseum. So stop doing it unless you want your question answered! This public service announcement was sponsored in part by this week’s Muskbox.

I hate to keep bringing up the subject, but with the Cubs’ recent scoring struggles, why is Lou Piniella still batting Soriano leadoff? Soriano is hitting .229 with 66 strikeouts and 22 walks. To add to that, he has been hurt with a sore knee and is hardly a basestealing threat. Anyone can see that Kosuke Fukudome and Soriano should switch spots, given Fukudome’s high on-base percentage and the potential for more offense with a home run threat like Soriano in the three-hole. What is Piniella’s strategy behind his everyday lineup, and why would it hurt to try Fukudome at leadoff for a week or two?
– Jason P., Lafayette, Ind.

The whole lineup sucks right now. Hack Wilson’s reanimated corpse would be a better option at leadoff at this point.

CARRIE: Every time Soriano goes into a skid, the topic resurfaces. He will stay in the No. 1 spot because he’s more comfortable there — and has been more productive — as the leadoff batter. He may not be the typical leadoff hitter, but every time Piniella has moved him, Soriano has been ineffective. Fukudome does have a higher on-base percentage (.394 to Soriano’s .296) but he’s having his own problems, hitting .122 in his last 11 games. Fukudome’s OBP this month is .234 (it was .461 in April).

And apparently he didn’t play at all in May. You know what would be sweet? If Fukudome could at least see the ball when he was swinging and missing it. Seriously, when does Fukudome’s declining month-to-month OBP go from “coincidence” to “trend”?

CARRIE: Soriano did bat third in two games this year, and went 1-for-8 with three strikeouts. Here are his career numbers at each spot in the lineup: batting first, .289; second, .125; third, .258; fourth, .195; fifth, .268; sixth, .292 (7-for-24); seventh, .306; eighth, .305; and ninth, .248. When he’s on, as he was in September 2007 (.320, 14 homers, 27 RBIs), he can carry the team.

Since Carrie didn’t tell us, I’m going to go ahead and assume those numbers are Soriano’s batting averages. I’m also going to go ahead and assume she’s making the argument that Soriano should bat seventh in September of 2007. Just ONCE I wish Carrie would come up with a plan that doesn’t put the very fabric of time at risk.

CARRIE: Piniella cringes every time someone asks, which someone did Sunday.

“When we signed Alfonso, it was as a leadoff hitter,” Piniella said. “We won two divisions with him as a leadoff hitter. What else can I say? He’s struggling and we have to hope he gets out of it.”

Lou added, “We also have to hope that Alfonso doesn’t accidentally meet his parents and prevent them from going to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. Great Scott, the ramifications would be disastrous!”

CARRIE: Soriano’s left knee doesn’t bother him when he’s hitting; it’s more of a problem in the field when he has to bend down for balls. And it has nothing to do with the little hop he does when he catches a ball.

Well, can we please blame that hop for something else, then? I WANT BLOOD.

With Aramis Ramirez out until mid-July and possibly longer, why did the Cubs not call up or at least give consideration to Josh Vitters? I understand he is young, but he’s tearing it up in Class A after doing pretty well at Boise for most of the year. Is this because they don’t want to introduce the “future” while Ramy is still in his prime or because of the restrictions and use of options?
– Greg B., Philadelphia

Yeah, it’s because they don’t want to hurt Aramis’ feelings. It’s not because Vitters is facing a bunch of 14-year-old pitchers in Class A and because he won’t be old enough to buy a beer until 2010.

CARRIE: Vitters is 19; he turns 20 in August. And while he’s hitting .327 overall at Class A Peoria and did have an incredible May (.386, 12 HR, 27 RBIs), he also has slowed down this month and was batting .209 in his past 13 games. The decision has nothing to do with Ramirez or options. If Vitters was dominating at Double-A, then maybe.

Slowing down, eh? Must be Gerald Perry’s fault!

I was wondering how does Major League Baseball decide what team will get the All-Star Game, and when will it be the Cubs’ turn to host? I figure it’ll be soon because this year it’s in St. Louis.
– Alex A., Chicago

That is some bulletproof reasoning right there. Rock solid. It’s like he took the transitive property into the woods, threw a canvas bag over its head, and beat it to death with a club.

CARRIE: Lately, the game has been awarded to cities with new ballparks or to stadiums on their way out (Yankee Stadium last year). The All-Star Game is in St. Louis to show off the Cardinals’ new Busch Stadium. There have been some rumors that the Cubs could be the host city for the 2014 game to mark the 100th anniversary of when Wrigley Field was built.

Is there anything about this team that isn’t nearly at or over 100 years old? The drought. The field. The manager.

If the Cubs stay in the hunt to win the National League Central, could we see them making a blockbuster trade, or do you see them staying put with what they have?
– Brady O., Mankato, Minn.

DA ROSA AND KERRY WOODS WILL SAVE DA CUBBIEZ!

CARRIE: The biggest addition the Cubs will likely make in July is getting Ramirez back.

Who are they going to give up for him? I hope Aaron Miles.

Soriano is fourth in the voting for the starting National League outfield for the All-Star Game. If you had to pick one Cub for the All-Star Game based on the first half of the season, who would it be?
– Thomas C., Franklin, Ind.

None. I actually want the National League to win the All-Star Game.

CARRIE: Ted Lilly.

No fair. You can’t vote for him.

Piniella is in the third and final year of his contract. I see that there is an option for a fourth year, but I can’t find out who has the option, he or the team. What are the chances that Piniella will be back in 2010? Are there talks of an extension this year?
– Steve H., Pflugerville, Texas

I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to come back for another year of this.

CARRIE: Piniella is already set for 2010. The Cubs picked up the option Sept. 30 before the start of the National League Division Series.

Brilliant. They should have extended the infield defense and Ryan Dempster’s command, too.

I was wondering where Tyler Colvin is playing and if the Cubs still see him as a prospect.
– Eric L., Plantation, Fla.

No, they see him as their starting center fielder right now. What do you you think?

CARRIE: Colvin began the year at Class A Daytona and moved up to Double-A Tennessee at the end of May. He’s hitting .316 in 14 games for the Smokies with one home run and five RBIs. Yes, he’s still a highly touted prospect. He underwent Tommy John elbow ligament replacement surgery, which has slowed his progress.

They have Tommy John disease for outfielders now, too?

Have the Cubs ever played the Red Sox at Fenway Park?
– Adam S., Boston

Who cares?

CARRIE: Not since the 1918 World Series.

Who won it?