I hope you idiots didn’t forget that today is National Doughnut Day, so make sure you thank those great men and women who fought in the Doughnut Wars. I was a bit hungover under the weather earlier, so I apologize for the late Roundup. I sure hope you didn’t get any work done this morning, or anything.
- Geovany Soto needed a mental break this week, because the intelligence required to hit a ball with a stick is beyond him.
- Sammy Sosa apparently wasn’t retired yet, but apparently he is now, so we’re free to start the annoyingly terrible “Hall of Fame, or no?” conversation. Sosa’s BFF Derrek Lee says yes.
- Carlos Zambrano is going to get a spanking for missing a team flight earlier this week. Or maybe I’ll just force him to talk to Larry King for ten minutes.
- Speaking of spankings, Bruce Miles WHIPs Kevin Gregg and Carlos Marmol.
- Feeling bad about our offense? Don’t fret. As TCR points out, we’ve certainly hit into some bad luck so far this year.
- It must be a real joy to play for Ozzie Guillen.
- MLB Trade Rumors answers your questions about service time.
- People who are excited about Dan McNeil’s return to the Score are going to be singing a different tune when they remember how awful Dan McNeil is. Hey, Dan? No one gives a shit what kind of steak you grilled last night.
- Andy MacPhail inexplicably thinks that he can’t send Felix Pie down to AAA because someone will claim him. Wow.
- Maybe this guy needed money to buy a ski mask.
- I guarantee these will be the most disappointing pictures of a topless coffee shop you see all day. (SFW)
- I’m pretty sure when Kermit suggested erecting a statue of Ron Santo made entirely of plastic except for the legs, which would be made of human flesh, he was JUST KIDDING. (HT: Jeffrey)
Well, that’s it for me, kids. In honor of the series against Dusty, I have to go sprinkle magic pixie dust all over the field. By “magic pixie dust,” I of course mean “semen and pubes.” Have a good weekend.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
