Hire Jim Essian

Samardzija up, Ascanio down. Yawn. ... Read More

Quick. What's the dumbest thing you've ever thought? Was it something like, "Man, The Matrix is really deep," or "Green Day's music really speaks to me"? When you thought it, did you immediately feel shame and embarrassment for the idea even entering your mind? Or did you blurt out what you thought, perhaps in a room ... Read More

Call me arrogant. Call me naive. Accuse me of shaking my fist at the gods. But I can't help but smugly smile upon hearing the news that serial saving-children-from-burning-houses hero and future first ballot Hall of Famer Mark DeRosa has been dealt to the St. Louis Cardinals. Look, I'm not going to pretend that my dismissal of DeRosa ... Read More

The Cubs have somehow found a way to sap the enjoyment even from their wins. In the middle of today's game, Milton Bradley threw a temper tantrum, and Lou Piniella brought him into the clubhouse, presumably to take him over his knee. Both guys have a reputation for being hotheads. As you are aware, there's only one ... Read More

Originally, the title of this Roundup was going to be something about Geovany Soto having the munchies. But then Soto was upstaged by the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. So, instead, it's time for a tribute song. As always, tips, hints, and suggestions for the Roundup are welcome. Beat Us, sung to the tune of ... Read More

I like the All-Star Game. I think it's a terrific event, a nice break in the season, and the only All-Star Game in the major sports about which anyone gives a damn. However, I am not a fan of the All-Star Game meaning anything more than mid-season entertainment. When Bud Selig made the All-Star Game "count" for ... Read More

Last week, I was worried that Ryan Dempster was developing Jason Marquis Disease. If you're unfamiliar with JMD, it occurs when you're a starting pitcher who gives up just enough runs for your team to lose. So, if the Cubs score 8, you're busy giving up 9. If they score 1, you just allowed a two-run homer. ... Read More

Now that Derrek Lee is no longer hitting third in the lineup, he's finally hitting like a guy who should be hitting third in the lineup. He's put up a .378/.440/.756 line in the past two weeks with 5 HR and 13 RBIs. His hitting streak is up to 18 games. He's already reached more than half ... Read More

Have a great day, all you dads out there. And all you non-dads have a great day, too. Todd Van Poppel demands it. ... Read More

As you know, the Sun-Times ran its "Whose Fans are Hotter?" competition this week. There are some ridiculous douche wrappers on both sides of town. But in the interest of fairness, I picked a couple of similar poses (minus the hardware, of course) to throw into the Fukudome. I had to pass up on some definite gems ... Read More