Friday afternoon, the Cubs traded totally-useless outfielder Joey Gathright to the (snicker) Baltimore Orioles for Ryan Freel. Freel is clearly one of the weirdest dudes in baseball. He has a knack for flinging his body full-speed into walls, trying to pick up girls on Craigslist for “breakfast”, and getting good and lubed up for an old-fashioned arresting. Oh, and he has a midget living in his head. He’s also probably your starting third baseman for the foreseeable future. Since God hates me and all of you, Aramis Ramirez has a dislocated shoulder. Eat shit, fate. Anyhow, it’s Fukudome (who, by the way, has sucked in May) time.

	VS.
Farney		Ryan Freel