Hire Jim Essian

Fair warning. If you like Todd Hundley or any of the Hundley clan, you probably shouldn't read the following story. Everyone still with me? Okay, good. I had to share this nugget sent in by a reader which- Well, I'll just let the story speak for itself. Yesterday i went to the cubs game with a ... Read More

In case you haven't noticed, David Kaplan has gradually been changing color from pasty white to Oompa Loompa. I can only imagine the change is for one of the following reasons: The Caucasian race has officially kicked him out. He's so dumb, his skin doesn't even realize he's white. He's going on a hunting trip with the Monsters in the Morning this ... Read More

From our good friend PAUL SULLIVAN, "Cubs call up Jake Fox and two others, send down Bobby Scales and Neal Cotts, put Aaron Miles on DL." Thanks to Waco Kid for noticing it. That's right. Neal Cotts AND Aaron Miles are not going to be in uniform for tonight's game. Sadly (but not REALLY sadly), neither will Bobby ... Read More

I was at the game last night with J-Kerm. When Neal Cotts came on to pitch, I turned to J-Kerm and said, "I guarantee they will not have the lead by the time Cotts leaves this game." Thanks for making me look brilliant, Neal. Even the eight-year-old kid behind me said, "Oh, WHY is he bringing in ... Read More

How will you be spending Jim Essian Day and your Jim Essian Weekend? It's May 22, 2009, the 18th anniversary of my Major League managerial debut. Everyone celebrates it differently. Here's a file photo of how Kerry Wood and the Cubs celebrated a recent Jim Essian Day. It was nice of them to remember me in such an inspiring way. In ... Read More

Is your HJE shirt getting worn out from over-use? Is your girlfriend's HJE thong all stretched out? Do you sometimes want a piece of JE merchandise instead of a piece of HJE merchandise? Well, you can. Check out these items at eBay and get them before Kermit does. Or get them FOR Kermit. There are plenty ... Read More

I accomplished a very rare baseball feat in 1979. Later in my life, I was in the dugout when Chico Walker accomplished the very same feat in 1991. In fact, until someone proves me otherwise, I'm going to say that I am the only man in baseball history to have accomplished this feat and then was on the ... Read More

On this date in 1991, Skip was promoted to manager of the Chicago Cubs. For his 18th anniversary, we have some special things arranged today. Put on your best jacket, go out, and celebrate like an Armenian! ... Read More

As I was watching another frustrating loss (every single one of the 17 losses HAS been frustrating, hasn't it?) at the hands of the Deadbirds last night, one of my friends texted me and asked me if I hate this team as much as the 2004 Cubs yet. I've already resigned myself to the fact that I probably hate ... Read More

You know that old adage, "If you can't laugh at yourself, then you suck"? I have to give credit to Carrie for not sucking today. (HT: James) Good one, Carrie. We're one step closing to you fisking one of the Muskboxes, and then I'll have to fisk that, and we'll just keep passing the same article ... Read More