Maybe the switch from the Muskbag to the Muskbox fried Carrie’s brain, because she has apparently forgotten that “question, THEN answer” format upon which she so heavily relied in the past. First of all, she put a video in this week’s Muskbox, instead of a picture. So, instead, I had to find a picture of this old guy with his sad sign. Then, Carrie decided to paraphrase the first question in her answer. I can only assume that the original question was so rife with profanity, she had no choice but to censor it. With that, BEHOLD, as Carrie herself leads off about as well as Juan Pierre.
CARRIE: To answer “BRIMAN141″ from Knoxville, Tenn., who was looking for updates on the Cubs’ No. 1 picks, check out the Minor League Web site, MiLB.com, to follow their progress. Tyler Colvin, who underwent Tommy John elbow reconstruction surgery last year, was batting .219 in 10 games for Class A Daytona. Josh Vitters was playing for Class A Peoria and, through Sunday, was batting .423 in seven games with four RBIs. He’s had a hit in every game except the opener, and had three multihit games. And Andrew Cashner was rehabbing in Arizona from a left oblique strain, and will soon be assigned to Daytona.
So, everyone is broken except Josh Vitters. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS IN THE ORGANIZATION! No wonder BRIMAN141 was swearing so much.
In the Cubs’ first two losses this season, manager Lou Piniella took Kosuke Fukudome out of the game and replaced him with Joey Gathright in center field and kept Milton Bradley in right. What is Piniella thinking? Bradley should be taken out and Fukudome moved to right and the Cubs would be much better defensively. I know you hate to take Bradley’s bat out of the game, but he already made an error. What are your thoughts or Piniella’s for that matter?
– Les F., San Pedro, Calif.
Do you want MY thoughts? No? Too bad. I think you’re stupid. In the first loss of the season, Piniella actually put IN Kosuke at the end of the game, and had an outfield from left-to-right of Johnson, Fukudome, and Bradley. That outfield had exactly one total chance (a deep fly ball to Fukudome), which it converted into a putout.
In the Cubs’ second loss of the season, Gathright did indeed replace Fukudome in center field in the 9th inning, because he’s better at defense than Fukudome. Gathright in center and Bradley in right had exactly zero chances in the bottom of the 9th. I take it back. They did have a chance to watch the brown stain on the seat of Kevin Gregg’s pants bloom into a stinky flower.
Would this be a good time to mention that both of those games were tie ballgames at the time of these substitutions, and that Bradley hit 22 home runs and drove in 77 RBIs in only 414 at-bats last year? It seems like he’d probably be a good guy to have up there to untie a game.
CARRIE: If you want the Cubs’ perfect defensive outfield, it would be Reed Johnson, Gathright and Fukudome. The reason Fukudome was lifted early was because Piniella and the coaching staff were still trying to get a feel on how he handled center field. They hadn’t seen him when he was playing for Team Japan in the World Baseball Classic. Last weekend in Milwaukee, Piniella told Fukudome they would not be pulling him because they were comfortable that he could cover the area. Piniella and Co. may replace Bradley late in games to avoid having him reaggravate the groin injury that has kept him out a week. Also, Alfonso Soriano is a better outfielder this year than the last two because his legs are healthy. This spring, he was able to run down balls that he couldn’t get to in the past.
Good fact-checking, Carrie. It took me thirty seconds to discredit this guy’s question, but go ahead and take your readers on their word.
How many of Soriano’s 51 leadoff homers led to his team winning the game?
– Jake C., Round Lake Beach, Ill.
Follow-up question: How many times have the Cubs won when I ate a hot dog in the first inning? What does when he hits a home run have anything to do with it? In fact, I would think the Cubs would have a better record when Soriano connects after the first inning, when there’s a chance of some runners being on base. I couldn’t figure out a good way to quantify this on the excellent Baseball-Reference.com without doing it manually, but just going through games during which Soriano homered in the second or third inning, his team’s record is 50-12. That’s an .806 winning percentage, which includes his time with the 79-83 Rangers and the 71-91 Nationals.
That’s good. Soriano should hit more home runs, if at all possible.
CARRIE: When Soriano hits a leadoff homer, his team has a 35-16 record. The Cubs are 14-5 when he connects in the first inning.
I laugh at your .686 winning percentage generated by your lazy stats.
I saw that Orlando Hudson was the first player to hit for the cycle in Dodger Stadium and it made me wonder who, if anybody, was the last player to do so at Wrigley Field?
– Mike A., Crown Point, Ind.
Okay, that’s actually a good question. Well done, Mike A.
CARRIE: Mark Grace was the last Cubs player — and last player — to hit for the cycle at Wrigley Field, doing so May 9, 1993, against San Diego. The last time a player hit for the cycle against the Cubs was Mark Kotsay, who did so in Atlanta on Aug. 14, 2008.
A question so bulletproof not even Carrie Ed Hartig could screw it up.
Which foul pole will the No. 31 flag fly from? Left or right?
– Tyler A., Long Beach, Calif.
Why don’t you bend over, and I’ll show you?
CARRIE: So far, it’s a secret.
Read: No one tells me anything.
CARRIE: In case you didn’t hear, the Cubs will retire No. 31 in honor of both Fergie Jenkins and Greg Maddux on May 3 prior to the game against the Florida Marlins. The Braves will also retire Maddux’s No. 31 this year. Eight players have had their number retired by more than one Major League team.
Sweet. I can’t wait to hear who those players are.
CARRIE: …
God dammit, you suck.
What do you think of Carlos Zambrano’s notion that the Cubs need a new ballpark? I love Wrigley Field, and hate to say it, but I agree with him. It’s very homey and a great place to see a ballgame but the parking is terrible and, let’s face it, the last time the Cubs won a championship, they were at the West Side Grounds. Maybe building a ballpark on the site of an old seminary wasn’t a good idea. Maybe Wrigley could be dismantled and rebuilt somewhere with a parking lot.
– Steve E., Milwaukee
What in the name of God are you talking about? You know what happens when you build a ballpark in the middle of a parking lot? You get this:
CARRIE: I wouldn’t want Wrigley Field torn down just to put up a parking lot. There are proposed design changes to improve the ballpark, including the press box (sorry to be so selfish, but it’s needed), but the Cubs would have to play elsewhere for at least one year.
I’m glad you apologized for being so selfish. Here are the rest of my terms. Turn in your press pass and march straight to St. Louis, stopping at every Cubs fan home you pass to beg forgiveness for eight years of vapid, factually-incorrect, and bad reporting. Do that, and the Muskbox shall live. Do it not, and it will will die today.
CARRIE: It’s up to the new owner to decide. The Cubs do know they need to upgrade, especially after seeing all the new amenities at ballparks in New York, Washington, and elsewhere.
NOOOOOOOES!!!! THE CUBBIEZ ARE NOTHING WITHOUT WRIGLEY FIELDS! IF THE CUBBIEZ MOVE OUT OF WRIGLEY FIELDS I’LL NEVER GO TO ANOTHER CUBBIES GAME AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!
CARRIE: “I didn’t say we should move,” Zambrano said. “I love Wrigley Field — don’t get me wrong. I like Wrigley Field. It’s a nice ballpark. But 10 years from now, 20 years from now, if they think about doing a new ballpark, I think it would be good.”
COMMENTS LIKE THIS ARE WHY THE CUBBIEZ SHOULD TRADE CARLOS ZAMBRANO FOR A REAL WINNER LIKE JAY CUTLER!!! THEY SHOULD HAVE TRADED HIM AFTER HE PUNCHED MICHAEL BARRETT IN THE FACE!!!!! BARRETT WAS A REAL GAMER AND HE KNEW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY!!!!
What is the “Triangle Building?”
– Jeremy S., Chicago
Isn’t that the space between your nuts and your butthole?
CARRIE: It’s a project proposed to be built along Clark Street, west of Wrigley Field where there is currently a parking lot. It could house parking, offices, a restaurant, and possibly an expanded workout area for the players, which would be linked to the clubhouse underground.
There would be an underground tunnel? BAD ASS. As part of the new building, would Mike Quade get a mask and an organ?
I thought David Patton showed a lot of guts by getting six straight batters out after a leadoff home run by Houston’s Hunter Pence. Who was the last Cubs pitcher to give up a homer to the first batter he faced in the Majors and how did his career turn out?
– Greg M., Chicago
Please note that Greg M. asked a simple question requiring one pitcher to be named in Carrie’s answer. Possibly a date. Possibly an opposing batter. Possibly a quick career W-L and ERA line.
CARRIE: Prior to the April 8 game at Houston, when Patton served up the homer, the only Cubs pitchers to allow a homer to the first Major League batter they faced were Jim Davis on April 18, 1954 (Tom Alston of St. Louis) and Ken Holtzman on Sept. 4, 1965 (Jim Ray Hart of the Giants.) Davis pitched four seasons for the Cubs, St. Louis and New York Giants, primarily in relief, and compiled a 24-26 record and 4.01 ERA. Holtzman, on the other hand, posted a 174-150 record and 3.49 ERA in 15 seasons, including nine with the Cubs (1965-71, and 1978-79). He won 17 games in 1969 and ’70, and won 21 in 1973 with Oakland. Holtzman only pitched in three games in ’65, and gave up two hits in four innings. One of those hits was Hart’s homer. Holtzman also pitched in the postseason with Oakland in four straight seasons, including three World Series (1972, ’73 and ’74). The lefty also threw two no-hitters — Aug. 19, 1969, and June 3, 1971.
Well, I guess if you’re going to make Hartig work overtime, you might as well milk it for all he’s worth.
There’s one thing I will never understand and it’s that a young player at 23 or 24 can be out of options. Is it me or does this only happen to the Cubs? Like Felix Pie? Thank you.
– John A., Effingham, Ill.
And if there are two things you’ll never understand, the other one is that you probably only notice when it happens to the Cubs, because the Cubs are more than likely the only team you follow closely enough to know how many options crappy players like Felix Pie have left.
CARRIE: It happens to all teams and lots of players. After three years as a pro (in the Minor League system), a player must be protected on a team’s 40-man roster or he is eligible for the Rule 5 Draft. Once the player has served those three years, and assuming he is added to the 40-man roster, the club then has what are called “options.”
Zzzzzzz…
CARRIE: If a player is on the 40-man roster but not on the 25-man Major League roster (like when Pie was at Triple-A Iowa), he is on what’s technically called an “optional assignment.” Players have three option years, and can be sent up and down to the Minors as many times as the parent club chooses within those three years. Pie was added to the Cubs’ 40-man roster prior to the 2006 season, so his three option years were 2006, ’07 and ’08. And now he’s batting .147 for the Orioles.
::has coma::
Are the Cubs discontinuing use of the red brim on the road cap? I hope so. It looked like the caps and batting helmets were all blue against Houston and Milwaukee.
– Lynn P., Stuttgart, Germany
Oh, “fashion question,” we missed your brief absence from the Muskbox.
CARRIE: Yes, the red is gone. It’s a lot easier for the equipment guys to deal with one cap.
Yeah, I bet work was really stressful for those guys until the Cubs made the switch.
EQUIPMENT GUY: Honey, I’m home!
HIS WIFE: How was work?
GUY: Horrible! I was folding Aramis Ramirez’s underpants into a swan shape and marking Ryan Theriot’s cleats with an “L” and and “R” when George comes up to me and is like, “Oh my God! Do you know which cap they’re supposed to be wearing on this road trip?!” And I’m all, “I don’t know! Do you think maybe the one with the red brim on it that they wear to all of their road games?!” Then, we did some laundry and ordered a gross of Big League Chew.
I think it would be cool to have a blog from someone on groundskeeper Roger Baird’s staff that is updated hourly on days where the Cubs play home games with threatening weather in the area. This would give fans (especially those attending the game) better knowledge as to what the field is like and what the chances are of a game being played that day.
– Chad R., Shannon, Ill.
Your question very much reminds me of this.
CARRIE: They rely on the National Weather Service, so you can always check weather.com. I’ll update my blog as quickly as possible as well.
I will look forward to that.
CARRIE: With the new drainage system, there should be fewer rainouts at Wrigley. Just remember, if you’re coming to a game, check the wind direction. It’s cooler by the lake.
That way, you know if the wind is blowing out from behind the press box, in case you want to skip the game to avoid smelling the stink of Carrie’s columns.
