Last week, the Muskbox came out on Thursday, presumably because Carrie knows that Fridays at HJE are Sweet Uncle Lou’s time to shine. But you can’t hide the Muskbox from me, Carrie. Especially since it’s so stupid, it emits an odor. So, here we go.

Now that Jeff Samardzija has been sent to Triple-A Iowa, will he work more on being a starter or continue to pitch out of the bullpen?
– Mike D., Ashley, Ind.

This Mike D. makes HJE‘s Mike D. cry angry tears.

CARRIE: The plan is for Samardzija to make his first appearance for the Minor League team out of the bullpen, then move into Iowa’s rotation. By starting, he’ll have a chance to work on his pitches and build up arm strength. He could be the “sixth starter” needed later in the season if anyone in the Cubs’ rotation gets hurt.

A “sixth starter”? No, no, no. Those are just a myth, like the “white whale” and a “stress-free inning from anyone in the Cubs bullpen not named Carlos.”

CARRIE: That could be a problem for the big league team: Lack of depth in the rotation. Mitch Atkins, another candidate for that sixth spot, was scheduled to open the Iowa Cubs’ season Thursday in Round Rock, Texas.

On the other hand, some might argue that the Cubs have one of the best and deepest rotations in baseball. Some people who watch the team.

The Cubs are going to pay Chad Gaudin $2 million and he’s not even going to pitch for us this year? If that’s the case, I find it absurd.
– Jose R., Tegucigalpa, Honduras

You know what’s absurd? Your last name. Also, there are a lot of people I’d pay $2 million to not pitch for the Cubs.

CARRIE: How about the Tigers cutting Gary Sheffield, who is owed $14 million?

How about him? He’s not going to pitch for the Cubs this year, either.

CARRIE: The last Cubs player who was released and making that kind of money was Joe Borowski, who had much more of an impact on the team when he saved 33 games in 2003. He had arm problems and was released in June 2005 when he was making $2.3 million.

He had also followed his 2004 8.02 ERA with a 6.55 ERA to start the 2005 season. ERA is worse when it gets higher, right?

CARRIE: Gaudin didn’t have a good spring (a 10.26 ERA in nine games), and Cubs general manager Jim Hendry and manager Lou Piniella have said all along that they were going to take the best team north. Bottom line, David Patton surprised everyone, including the Rockies, who had him in their Minor League system for five seasons. A Rockies scout told me they didn’t have room on the 40-man to protect Patton, which is why he was available in the Rule 5 Draft. Angel Guzman was out of options, and the Cubs had to either keep him or have him go through waivers, and he would’ve been claimed by another team.

They took the best team north, and somehow Luis Vizcaino and Neal Cotts are on it? They’re doomed.

CARRIE: Hendry had inquiries about Patton and Guzman, but there was no interest from other teams regarding Gaudin. I don’t think it’s absurd; it’s the business of the game.

Of course. You don’t think the Muskbox is absurd.

I believe the Cubs got David Patton in the Rule 5 Draft from the Reds, not the Rockies. I’m pretty sure of that.
– Ryan C., Zion, Ill.

Great question.

CARRIE: Patton was the Rockies’ 12th-round pick in 2004 and has been in their system. The Cubs made a deal with the Reds for their Rule 5 Draft pick and the Reds selected Patton, then traded him to the Cubs for cash.

I have a feeling Carrie got the answer to this question thusly:

CARRIE MUSKAT: David, where did you come from?

DAVID PATTON: Well, Carrie, when a man and a woman love each other very much…

It really frustrates me that Kevin Gregg is the closer over Carlos Marmol. I believe the guy with the best stuff should be your closer. I mean, what else does Marmol have to do to win the job?
– Paul C., Fall River, Mass.

I don’t know. Grow a beard?

CARRIE: I like the decision, because both pitchers stay in roles where they’ve had success. That doesn’t mean Marmol can never be a closer. He was named to the All-Star team last year, and there’s no reason he can’t continue to dominate this year as a setup man. Often there’s a key situation in the seventh or eighth innings, and Marmol has come through. He doesn’t get a sexy save but he gets the job done.

Gross.

CARRIE: Plus, Gregg did not allow a run in 11 games this spring, while Marmol gave up five runs on seven hits and two walks, and hit five batters in 10 1/3 innings over 10 games. Marmol is young — he’ll get his chance.

“His chance,” meaning he’ll throw 140 innings this year? Seems about right.

With talk about the limitations in expanding Wrigley Field, has anybody thought about expanding down? Offices and player facilities as well as numerous other amenities could be located underneath Wrigley Field without changes to the exterior of the park. Utilities infrastructure permitting, of course.
– Morrie F., Marion, Iowa

You stole my idea. I think the bowels of Wrigley Field should hide a series of subterranean caverns containing a breed of eyeless cave-dwellers with razor-sharp teeth and echolocation.

CARRIE: Actually, the “Triangle Building,” which has been proposed for the parking lot along Clark Street just west of the ballpark, would have some underground facilities. I don’t think digging under Wrigley is an option.

Probably because if they did, they’d find Rick Aguilera.

I noticed in your blog that Kerry Wood’s locker will remain empty. Why is this? Out of respect? Too many lockers?
– David H., Elgin, Ill.

Because they didn’t want to take down his sweet “10″ poster of Ron Santo running along the beach in a flesh-colored one-piece.

CARRIE: Wood and the Cubs’ clubhouse guys had a special relationship, and they decided the locker was not going to be assigned to anyone else out of respect. It may be that the clubbies take it over. The clubhouse is so small, they can’t afford much empty space.

Similarly, no one can use the third toilet stall in loving memory of the epic dumps Daryle Ward used to take in there.

Doesn’t Jim Hendry and the Cubs organization find it embarrassing that so many of their Draft choices are complete flops? Just this week, Grant Johnson, Mark Pawelek and Ryan Harvey were released. The Cubs must have baseball’s worst record when it comes to first-round choices. Do they need changes in their Draft scouting staff or their Minor League coaching staff?
– Bill B., Milford, Del.

Yes.

CARRIE: The scouting director who made those picks is no longer with the team. Tim Wilken has been in charge since December 2005, and the jury is still out on his selections: Tyler Colvin in ’06, Josh Vitters in ’07 and Andrew Cashner in ’08. Embarrassing? Maybe more of a reality check. Cubs player development director Oneri Fleita said it was time to move on.

I honestly have no idea why she added those last three sentences. To whom is she referring? To the former scouting director, John Stockstill? By the way, it’s not like the Cubs fired Stockstill for gross incompetence. He left to go join the Orioles. That’s right. HE rejected THE CUBS for THE ORIOLES. Chew on that.

Can you tell me if Sean Marshall will be skipped the first time through the rotation to keep the other four starters on regular rest?
– Scott S., Chicago

Can you just take it down a notch and wait for the fifth game of the season to see for yourself?

CARRIE: That’s the plan, although it could change if Rich Harden needs more time. Marshall could then start the series opener against the Brewers on Friday. But, Piniella would like to have right-handers facing Milwaukee, and if Harden gets the start, then it’ll be Harden-Carlos Zambrano-Ryan Dempster for that series at Miller Park. Marshall was in the bullpen on Wednesday if needed.

If “need” is going to dictate where Marshall stands, he’s never going to be allowed to leave that bullpen.

I can’t remember the last time the Cubs started the season at Wrigley. Why don’t they start at home every other year?
– Jerry E., Virginia Beach, Va.

Holy shit, really? Have you been huffing paint?

CARRIE: For the same reason the White Sox postponed their opener on Monday — snow, cold, unpredictable weather. As for the last time they opened at home, how about last year? The Cubs played host to the Brewers on March 31 and lost, 4-3, in 10 innings. It was 44 degrees at game time.

Four degrees warmer than the blood in your veins, Carrie.

With the announcements that both the Cubs and Braves will retire Greg Maddux’s No. 31 this year, I wonder if there are any other players who have had their numbers retired by more than one team?
– John D., Fort Smith, Ark.

For you guys reading this, how many players did you immediately think of without even looking? I had four: Jackie Robinson, Hank Aaron, Rod Carew, and Nolan Ryan.

CARRIE: Eight players have had their number retired by more than one team. The list includes Hank Aaron (No. 44, Atlanta Braves and Milwaukee Brewers); Rod Carew (No. 29, Minnesota Twins and California Angels); Rollie Fingers (No. 34, Oakland Athletics and Brewers); Carlton Fisk (No. 27, Boston Red Sox and No. 72, Chicago White Sox); Reggie Jackson (No. 44, New York Yankees and No. 9, Athletics); Frank Robinson (No. 20, Cincinnati Reds and Baltimore Orioles); Nolan Ryan (No. 34, Texas Rangers and Houston Astros, and No. 30, Angels); and Casey Stengel (No. 37, Yankees and New York Mets). And that doesn’t include Jackie Robinson, whose No. 42 has been retired throughout Major League Baseball.

Yeah, why should Jackie Robinson count? What did he ever do?