Every day is “Pick on Phil Rogers” Day at HJE, so this will be no exception. As you know, in early February Phildo predicted the Houston Astros were planning a “sneak attack” on the Cubs. This is, of course, inordinately stupid. But after the Cubs beat the Astros last night to win their first opening series since they beat the Mets in 2003, let’s spend this Thursday trying to unravel what, exactly, their “sneak attack” strategy is.
- Going with a one-man rotation. That man? Roy Oswalt.
- Praying for a hurricane to hit Chicago.
- Dressing Evan Longoria in a Jeff Keppinger jersey.
- Putting together clever middle-of-the-orders so Len Kasper can make jokes like, “I’ll have a BLT. Berkman, Lee, and Tejada.”
- Praying that Kaz Matsui can be as good as Kosuke Fukudome.
- Paying Aramis Ramirez to knock their opponents’ runs off the scoreboard instead of just knocking off whatever he wants to.
- Getting individual buffet tables for both Lance Berkman and Carlos Lee.
- Getting 30 starts out of Mike Hampton.
- Inviting George and Barbara Bush to come to every single home game.
- Finally breaking the color barrier in Houston.
What do you think the plan is for the Astros’ sneak attack? Let everyone know in the comments.
