Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a Cubs blog. But yesterday, the Bears acquired Jay Cutler, arguably the best quarterback they’ve ever had. Who knew he was so jacked? And who knew a Google image search for “Jay Cutler” would yield such surprising results? Anyhow, Roundup time.

• Rick Morrissey is, of course, pissed about the best trade the Bears have ever made. If I were him, I’d be more pissed that my head looks like a thumb.
• Lost in the huge Cutler news is the fact that the Bears also protected their investment by acquiring Orlando Pace yesterday.
• Now, go get Torry Holt, Jerry.
• Tonight starts that extra-special time of the season. The post-pre-season-pre-regular-and-postseason games.
• As predictable as the sunrise, here is your annual, “The Cubs will win it all” article.
• And a bunch of dumb people believe it.
• Thanks to the brilliant Bud Selig, now you’ll know how to get cheap Royals, Nationals, and Pirates tickets.
• When I heard the news that the Rockies might want Chad Gaudin, my first reaction was, “What for?”
• Here are five awful words strung together in a headline.
• What are the odds that, when writing this article, The Muskrat actually asked Carlos Zambrano, “So, do you think you can throw another no-hitter against the Astros?” I say 98%.
• Won’t it be nice if Derrek Lee is awesome again this year?
• Why we ain’t shit compared to the Devil Rays.
• The Commish asks Paul Bako a totally relevant and timely question on Bako’s way out the door (thank God).
• Greg Couch writes an awful lot of words about a non-issue.
• Scott Miller gives you five six things to watch in regard to the 2009 Cubs.
• This is a must-have item for any collector. Thanks to Seth for the tip.
• If you are already making plans for next year’s April Fools’ Day, read this.
• I hope you fat slobs were able to take advantage of Domino’s before it was too late.
• Strange is coughing a nail out of your nose. Stranger is having no idea how the hell you ended up with a nail in your nose.
• I don’t think this commercial is NSFW. And even if it is, it’s probably worth it.

If you’re in Kermit’s league for Neifiball, don’t forget about the draft tomorrow at noon Central time. See you jerks on Opening Day.

-Sweet Uncle Lou