Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Holy Crap, a Quarterback” Edition
Posted by Sweet Uncle Lou on Fri, Apr 3, 2009
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a Cubs blog. But yesterday, the Bears acquired Jay Cutler, arguably the best quarterback they’ve ever had. Who knew he was so jacked? And who knew a Google image search for “Jay Cutler” would yield such surprising results? Anyhow, Roundup time.
- Rick Morrissey is, of course, pissed about the best trade the Bears have ever made. If I were him, I’d be more pissed that my head looks like a thumb.
- Lost in the huge Cutler news is the fact that the Bears also protected their investment by acquiring Orlando Pace yesterday.
- Now, go get Torry Holt, Jerry.
- Tonight starts that extra-special time of the season. The post-pre-season-pre-regular-and-postseason games.
- As predictable as the sunrise, here is your annual, “The Cubs will win it all” article.
- And a bunch of dumb people believe it.
- Thanks to the brilliant Bud Selig, now you’ll know how to get cheap Royals, Nationals, and Pirates tickets.
- When I heard the news that the Rockies might want Chad Gaudin, my first reaction was, “What for?”
- Here are five awful words strung together in a headline.
- What are the odds that, when writing this article, The Muskrat actually asked Carlos Zambrano, “So, do you think you can throw another no-hitter against the Astros?” I say 98%.
- Won’t it be nice if Derrek Lee is awesome again this year?
- Why we ain’t shit compared to the
DevilRays. - The Commish asks Paul Bako a totally relevant and timely question on Bako’s way out the door (thank God).
- Greg Couch writes an awful lot of words about a non-issue.
- Scott Miller gives you
fivesix things to watch in regard to the 2009 Cubs. - This is a must-have item for any collector. Thanks to Seth for the tip.
- If you are already making plans for next year’s April Fools’ Day, read this.
- I hope you fat slobs were able to take advantage of Domino’s before it was too late.
- Strange is coughing a nail out of your nose. Stranger is having no idea how the hell you ended up with a nail in your nose.
- I don’t think this commercial is NSFW. And even if it is, it’s probably worth it.
If you’re in Kermit’s league for Neifiball, don’t forget about the draft tomorrow at noon Central time. See you jerks on Opening Day.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
Tags: Bud Selig, Carlos Zambrano, Chad Gaudin, Chicago Bears, Derrek Lee, Houston Astros, Jay Cutler, Jerry Angelo, Neal Cotts, Orlando Pace, Paul Bako, Tampa Bay Rays
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April 3rd, 2009 at 11:36 am
Uncle Lou,
That lawn commercial is great – I’ll bet you’ve trimmed some bushes in your time, eh?
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:39 am
And one more thing – are any of the 2001 Iowa Cubs still with the Cubs? I didn’t see anyone that’s been reported in these august pages lately…except Our Man Corey.
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Thanks, Sweet Uncle Lou- I greatly appreciate your recaps considering I’m surrounded by Cards news all day (in St. Louis for 2 months now). All cards scribes write on is fundamentals. It’s nice for the first week, but I don’t give a fuck about Khalil Green’s batting stance. Great job and on time also!!!
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Especially since he’s a good-field, no-hit s/s. OTOH, he’s still the only member of the Bahai faith to make it to the major leagues.
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Morrissey is an idiot if he thinks Cutler will be a worst distraction than T.O.!!
/And his head DOES look like a thumb! With nail fungus. He should one of those nail fungus remover gels dealies.
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Morandini Division drafts at 1:00 Central on Sunday!
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
If you are already making plans for next year’s April Fools’ Day, read this.
The best one of all is, of course, a baseball team that doesn’t win the World Series for a CENTURY!
/That HAS to be a hoax!!!!!
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
We had the bodybuilder photo up on our site before you did.
You got Google Image Search FACED!