Hire Jim Essian

Why is Kermit lying again? Click HERE to find out. This morning, the Florida Marlins negotiated a deal with the Chicago Cubs, exchanging their 2003 World Championship for one-third of the Cubs' attendance. The Cubs will send their bleacher population to Florida, where they will engage in wet t-shirt competitions and shout things like, "SPRING BREAAAAAAAAK!" ... Read More

Why is Kermit lying again? Click HERE to find out. In game two of the Diamondbacks' three-game series at Wrigley Field, Cubs fans booed former Cub and current Diamondbacks' announcer Mark Grace for failing to get out of the fourth inning. A confused Gordon Wittenmyer desperately tried to accuse Cubs fans of being racist, finally uncovering Mark Grace's Native ... Read More

Why is Kermit lying again? Click HERE to find out. The Cubs have released Neal Cotts into the wild in an effort to allow him to re-assimilate himself with his family, a band of mountaineers. Cotts, the worst member of a bad 2009 Cubs bullpen, was released Tuesday morning. Upon hearing the news, Cotts immediately killed and ate ... Read More

Several times this weekend, I had delusions of grandeur that I would write five "Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time" entries and schedule them to post each day this week. Since that would have been about a 10,000-time increase in the posting rate of the Top 79, I don't know why I thought that was remotely feasible. ... Read More

First of all, thanks to Skip for filling in for me last week. I hope he's not trying to steal my job. I have such little in this world to hang onto. Anyhow, I hear it's a beautiful Friday in Chicago, so you should all have better things to do than read the Roundup. Like go ... Read More

Maybe the switch from the Muskbag to the Muskbox fried Carrie's brain, because she has apparently forgotten that "question, THEN answer" format upon which she so heavily relied in the past. First of all, she put a video in this week's Muskbox, instead of a picture. So, instead, I had to find a picture of this old guy ... Read More

I've been at some strange Cubs games in my life. I was at the game in 2000 against the Dodgers when some enterprising Cubs fan nearly incited a riot by swiping the hat off the head of Chad Kreuter while Kreuter was seated in the Dodger bullpen. I was at the game against the Rockies in 2001 when ... Read More

The podcast is back on a new network, and it's been rebranded. Apparently, Dolan couldn't handle the rigors of using Talkshoe, so he found a newer, simpler, fresher podcast host. So, update your links, or don't. Whatever. Since we haven't had a podcast since the season started, we have a lot to catch up on. And catch ... Read More

I know we have some scholars reading HJE with far better memories than I have. But Saturday was a pretty special day in Chicago sports history. Since no one is watching me type this, I'm going to go ahead and make the argument that it was the best day in Chicago sports history. If you weren't watching, ... Read More

Hi to the greatest group of overemployed literates this side of the San Francisco Bay! It's me, Skip. Lou sent me a quick e-mail this morning, and I thought I'd help him out: From: Lou Piniella Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:29 AM To: Jim Essian Subject: Roundup Essian, No, nothing new has opened up here, for Christ's sake. Hey, I've got ... Read More