Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know your Friday mornings are oh-so-bright thanks to the Roundup, and I’m late. Why don’t you cry about it? That will make everything okay. Here’s your Roundup:

• Paul Bako’s hot spring has made us ever so torn about who should be the backup catcher. Do we take the guy who plays like all of his fingers could fall off at any moment, or do we take Koyie Hill? Decisions, decisions.
• I hope there aren’t any endangered birds in Cleveland.
• Matthew Leach decides that even though we have the best lineup and best bullpen in the NL Central, the division is “up for grabs.” Sort of like Leach’s job should be.
• I’m not sure why anyone would feel the need to related Cubs baseball to NCAA basketball, but Gumby here makes that stretch.
• So does Pokey.
• Alfonso Soriano has a sweet ride.
• The Rockies are SHOCKED to discover that Jason Marquis sucks.
• Milton Bradley’s got moxie.
• Please, God, let Juan Pierre become a White Sock.
• We want more night games. Probably because our middle infield is so white, it glows in the dark. Also from that article, it looks like Bobby Scales might be on TBS’s My Boys. “What’s My Boys?” you ask? “I have no idea,” I respond. “But somehow it’s stayed on television for multiple seasons, and apparently Mike Fontenot is going to be on it.”
• Don’t bother reading the fluff article, but check out how gigantic Rick Morrissey’s forehead has gotten. Has Crane Kenney contacted him yet to put an Under Armor ad up there? Good God.
• When Sammy Sosa was playing, Sox fans always used to tell me that he was a terrible fielder. Turns out they’re on meth. Shocking.
• So long, Ryan Harvey. We’ll always have that one time we all thought you were going to be good, and you ended up being not good.
• WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT THE INSIGHT OF GREG COUCH???
• Hey, Jim? Good news. Daryle Ward is available!
• If you need another reason to love Ted Lilly, he thinks Bud Selig is a douche.
• Team USA is glad the World Baseball Classic is over.
• People will slap a logo on just about anything these days. (Thanks to domer.mq for the tip.)
• You know what would go well with 40,000 drunk people? KIDS! Special thanks to the creator of that site for the “artist’s rendition” of a man falling on his ass. (Thanks to Jon for the tip.)
• Some headlines are just too subtle. (Thanks to A-Ram Baller for the tip.)
• This is a really cool idea. The Cubs’ All-Time Home Grown Team vs. The All-Time Acquired Team.
• Remember when we made fun of baseball names? These guys are running a tournament. (Thanks to RV for the tip.)
• Did you think nothing could make Ghostbusters more awesome? Then you are a fool.
• Which fantasy baseball player are you? (By the way, don’t forget about your Neifiball drafts, if they haven’t already happened. Here’s something to get you in the mood.)

That’s it for me. A bunch of the guys athletic taped Rothschild to his locker, so I have to go help him out. After lunch, of course. Have a great weekend.

-Sweet Uncle Lou