I’m going to guess that this is going to incense some of you. Others are going to read it, pull a Bob Sugar, and say, “Finally, someone said it!” Some of you will question my baseball acumen. Others will say, “Hey, maybe Kermit wears a diaper for a reason other than his stupidity.” But I think this needs to be said. For some reason, a line in the sand has been drawn between Cubs fans over one particular player. If you’re too stupid to have read the headline and looked at the picture, then this will be a revelation for you: that player’s name is Mark Grace.
Lately, I’ve heard a lot of animosity from Cubs fans about Grace. It seems to me that it’s become trendy to rag on Mark Grace. I suspect the same people ragging on Grace are those people ragging on Derrek Lee. You know the type. Those people who think they know more about baseball than you do because they’ve inexplicably decided to place the utmost importance on a player’s ability to not ground into double plays. I’m going on record right now as saying I fucking love Mark Grace, and I’m blowing Marlboro smoke at all of you bastards who have forgotten how good he actually was.
First of all, this is not exactly going to be a Mark Grace tribute post. Both Effectively Wild and Thunder Matt’s Saloon have done that (Although, retiring Grace’s number? Really, Chip? I don’t want the Cubs to become the Yankees.).
I’m also not going to give you the history of Mark Grace. Suffice it to say, he was a California boy who liked booze, broads, and baseball, probably in that order.
What I am going to do is tell you Grace haters that I think you’re jerk faces and that you stink like body odor. And here is why:
Marky Baseball
Why is Don Mattingly universally revered in New York, yet there is an underground minority who thinks that Grace sucked? Neither one of the guys is a Hall of Famer, but both were good to great defensive first basemen. Both had spectacular batting eyes and were nearly impossible to strike out. Both of them tried to single-handedly carry their team through a postseason series. Both were slow as death.
I don’t get why Cubs fans don’t seem to appreciate Grace as much as Yankees fans appreciated Donnie Baseball. Without a doubt, from 1984 to 1987, Mattingly put together a string of four seasons which were better than any one season Grace had in his career. But Grace was busy playing grabass at San Diego State during most of those seasons, and when he finally made it to the Major Leagues, Grace put together a more consistent career from year to year than Mattingly did. Despite Mattingly’s superior power, he ended his career with only 49 more home runs and 47 fewer RBIs than Grace. Grace also had 292 more hits. And that wasn’t because of Grace’s longevity alone. Grace only had about 1,000 more at-bats than Mattingly did.
I’m not trying to argue that Grace was a better first baseman than Mattingly. I’m just suggesting that Grace is probably entitled to the same adoration among Cubs fans as Mattingly receives from Yankees fans.
One of a Dying Breed
What the hell has happened to the left-handed first baseman? Where are they? As a pure southpaw myself, I grew up with only five positions on the field at which my coach would even consider putting me. Since I threw slower than an actual tee, I couldn’t be a pitcher. Since I was about the same speed as Grace, I didn’t fit into the outfield. So, despite my average height, I was planted at first base.
I don’t understand where pure lefties like Grace have gone. With a mitt on one’s right hand rather than the left, it’s easier to stretch farther, easier to get to balls in the hole, easier to throw to second to start a double play, and easier to swipe tag a runner leading off the bag. These days, I can’t think of a single pure lefty first baseman aside from Ryan Howard. Why aren’t there more of these guys?
He Hated Sosa
One of the complaints I’ve heard stated against Grace is that he didn’t like the fact that the Cubs became the Sammy Sosa Show. I’m sure he didn’t. Can you blame him? Love him or hate him, Sammy Sosa was an egomaniacal dickhead. Grace didn’t seem to have a problem with playing second fiddle to Ryne Sandberg and Andre Dawson during their years together, because those guys weren’t dickheads. I don’t think Grace was particularly jealous of Sosa. I think he just thought he was an asshole.
Personally, I found it funny when Grace mocked Sosa for the corked bat incident. Sosa’s excuse that he’d accidentally used a batting practice bat was as idiotic as his failure to grasp the English language during the Congressional hearing on steroids. Why shouldn’t Grace make fun of him for it? Fuck Dusty Baker’s comment that Grace violated the fraternity of baseball. Is that same fraternity the one that made Dusty turn the other way when Barry Bonds was in his clubhouse injecting himself with everything that could be put into a syringe?
As a broadcaster, Grace has more than hinted that Sosa was doing steroids while the two were teammates. Let’s keep in mind that Sosa said the following about Grace after he parted ways with the Cubs (from a 2005 Carol Slezak article which I can’t find):
What rankles Grace is what happened after he signed with the Diamondbacks.
“Sammy said I was a cancer in the clubhouse and a bad guy,” Grace said. “That was unfair, and because he was so adored in Chicago, people believed him. If you ask anyone else, any of my other teammates, they would have a different view.”
So, Sammy and Dusty are going to act all righteously indignant about Grace making fun of Sosa for CHEATING AT THE GAME OF BASEBALL, after Sammy torched Grace for being a horrible person? Fuck that. Grace has every right to think Sosa is a selfish prick. If I were in Grace’s shoes, I’d call Sammy out everything he did wrong, too.
The Way it Was Meant to Be Played
I didn’t wear batting gloves for the majority of my organized baseball career, and I used to smear eyeblack under my eyes on even the cloudiest of days because of Mark Grace. Not only did dress the part and have the workout-phobic body of an old-school baseball player, but he also acted like one. He boozed, he smoked, and he banged. I’m sure none of us would have done the same thing in his position.
There was nothing better than the way Grace checked his swing. He’d check it, and then he’d hold the bat right there with one hand and start walking out of the box, just so the ump knew that he’d checked it. I loved it.
I also loved the 45 times he managed to leg out a triple. You knew what the play after a Mark Grace triple was going to be: a stretcher going out to retrieve whichever outfielder had shattered his leg. That was convenient, though, because it allowed Grace to take some hits off the oxygen tank.
He Was Justifiably Pissed About the Way the Cubs Handled Him
Grace knew why the Cubs didn’t bring him back. From that same Slezak article quoted above:
“Now that I think about it, it was pretty obvious [Sosa] was not a big fan of mine,” Grace said. “He didn’t like me being on the Cubs. Once Andy MacPhail decided to build the Cubs around Sosa, my days were numbered.”
I can’t blame Grace for extending a big, “Fuck you,” to the Cubs. How would you feel if your girlfriend dumped you after thirteen years for a guy who was a selfish dick, but who was better-looking than you were?
Grace then made a comment after the 2001 Diamondbacks won the World Series that rubbed a lot of Cubs fans the wrong way. He said, “I wasn’t good enough to play first base for the Chicago Cubs, but I was good enough to play for the World Champions.” I don’t understand how anyone could really fault Grace for a bit of a parting shot. The Cubs left him twisting in the wind after his productive 2000 season, deciding (wisely) to build around Sosa. When it looked like the Cubs weren’t going to give him a chance to stay in Chicago, he took the Diamondbacks’ offer. For Grace, it turned out to be like getting dumped and landing Keeley Hazell as a rebound girlfriend. Of COURSE he wanted to rub it in the Cubs’ faces. Wouldn’t you?
Let’s also not forget that Grace didn’t just hang around and get a gift World Series ring. He actually WAS very good for the 2001 Diamondbacks, putting up a .298/.386/.466 line with 15 home runs and 78 RBIs. Oh, and he sort of had an important leadoff hit in the bottom of the 9th inning of Game Seven off the mighty Mariano Rivera. Maybe you remember. The Diamondbacks were down 2-1 at the time.
Grace also said what we all thought about the 2004 Cubs. They were a whiny bunch of bitches who should have played a lot better.
“The Cubs had more talent than any team in baseball, including the Boston Red Sox, last season,” said Grace, now the Arizona Diamondbacks’ color analyst. “They had an unbelievable lineup. Sosa, [Moises] Alou and [Derrek] Lee, Aramis Ramirez … they had a freaking bomb squad. They should have won the World Series.
“Somehow it didn’t happen. Who knows why, but it didn’t. Sammy got ticked off when they moved him to sixth in the order and everyone was worrying about Steve Stone. If those guys had worried about baseball instead of other b.s., they could have won the World Series.”
Show me what part of that statement is incorrect, and I’ll agree that Grace is full of sour grapes.
When Grace came back to sing the 7th Inning Stretch while he was a broadcaster with the Diamondbacks, he root, root, rooted for the CUBBIES. Maybe Grace was bitter about not getting the chance to finish his career in Chicago. So was I. But Grace didn’t do anything but tell the truth about his time in Chicago.
Who Cares that He Sucks as a Broadcaster?
Make no mistake, Grace sucks at broadcasting. So does Rick Sutcliffe. So does Ron Santo. But, other than Mike D., does anyone really hate him for it? Plus, Grace probably used to beer fart on Thom Brennaman all the time, which is something we all wish we could do.
Enough said.
The Little Things
There are plenty more reasons to love Grace, so I’ll spit them out in quick hits form:
- His middle name is Eugene.
- He shared his ex-wife, who clearly has an eye fetish, with Ray Liotta.
- His hair once looked like this (he’s in the center):
- He was the best position player the Cub farm system had produced in years until Geovany Soto came along.
- He made fun of Mike Fetters’ spastic pitching routine while pitching in a 19-1 loss to the Dodgers in 2002. I know Fetters did his routine so he wouldn’t hyperventilate. There’s a way to breathe slowly without looking like a fat retard, though, and Fetters instead chose to make a big show about it. I thought it was hilarious that Grace made fun of him for it.
- Look at the pile of suck that replaced him. Matt Stairs? Fred McGriff? Hee Seop Choi?
- It’s not his fault that he wasn’t Rafael Palmeiro. Hell, Cindy Sandberg may have been the one woman in Chicago Grace didn’t nail.
I don’t know why Grace has been taking a beating lately, but I think it sucks. Mark Grace has always been consistent, good-humored, and honest. I don’t want him back in Chicago in the broadcast booth, but if they insist on still doing it, I sure hope he gets to sing the Stretch a few more times.
Thanks to MarkGrace.com for some of the pictures used in this article.
