Before I forget, Kermit wanted me to let you all know that we’ve already filled two divisions of Neifiball, and are looking for eight more players to fill a third. If we fill a third, we’ll add a fourth. If you’re interested in playing, e-mail Kermit HERE and write “NEIFIBALL” in the header. Second, how about the Netherlands? The Cinderella team is all the more impressive because it must be very difficult to run in wooden cleats. I’m surprised they weren’t allowed to have Fukudome on the team, considering how good his windmill impression is. If they win the whole World Baseball Classic, I have a feeling instead of seeing roses on pianos, you’re going to see tulips on organs. Are there any other Dutch jokes, or does that pretty much cover it? Anyhow, it’s Roundup time:

  • It turns out geeks can distinguish among their own (thanks to Jon for the tip).
  • Help Reed Johnson name his new blog (thanks to Zach for the tip). How about “Reeding Rainbow”? “Reeding Comprehension”? “Reed Cubbie Blue”?
  • Kosuke Fukudome is so confused by the Major Leagues, he can’t even dress himself anymore.
  • Is anyone else really really happy that Carlos Marmol is done pitching in spring games that “count”?
  • I thought it was dumb when they walked a goat around the field. I thought it was dumber when Dusty sprinkled fairy dust on the infield dirt. I thought it was even dumber when they brought in a priest to bless the dugout. But Colonel Sanders? This takes the cake (thanks to DaveB for finding the link).
  • And now, a reading from The Fielding Bible. “As long as he cannot field a routine groundball during the playoffs, he remains unclean. He must live alone; he must live outside the clubhouse. All those who come to the Lord must cast off the roster those who are hunchbacked or dwarfed like Neifi Perez, or who have extra appendages like Antonio Alfonseca, or who have a batting eye defect like Corey Patterson, or who have festering or running sores like Kyle Farnsworth or damaged testicles like Michael Barrett.” Amen.
  • Having three quality starters who could conceivably start on Opening Day is nice. But it’s going to be Carlos Zambrano.
  • BOBBY SCALES!
  • It’s okay, Aaron Heilman. You can freely talk about what a douche MetsMan1980 really is.
  • The Commish can’t figure out that generally when you write an article around the premise, “Is the team better than it was last year?” you generally want to have an answer for that question. Instead of just asking the question over and over. And over.
  • Turns out it was probably a little bit early to start gnashing our teeth and rending our garments about Rich Harden. Sorry. I’ve been reading the Fielding Bible all week.
  • The Muskrat fucks up another quote. I said Fukudome IS number two, not Fukudome is BATTING number two.
  • Looking for expensive Cubs tickets? They’re going on sale this morning.
  • The mother of our GOOD FRIEND Ernie Banks passed away this week. I guess her stroke wasn’t as good as her son’s.
  • Mike D., Kermit, and I are doomed. DOOMED!
  • I don’t know where HJE fits in on here, but I’m sure glad no one’s lives depend on you people completing your work in a timely fashion.

That’s it for me, folks. Tear another baseball-less week out of your calendar. We’re getting closer.

-Sweet Uncle Lou