So help me God, until yesterday, I had absolutely no clue that Luis Rivas was on the team. I tried to write “Divas” on the lineup card, and this little twerp runs out there to play. Oh, well. I’ll let the little guy hang out until we sign, like, Jose Offerman, or someone. That will probably be the most exciting thing that will happen until Opening Day. Anyhow, here’s your Roundup:

• I guess it’s appropriate that a FLUFF PIECE about the bullpen was written by a guy named Merkin.
• It’s Spring Training. The Cubs have superstars like Carlos Zambrano, Aramis Ramirez, Derrek Lee, Milton Bradley, and Alfonso Soriano in camp. So who did Muskat write features on in the past week? Mitch Atkins, Michael Brenly, and Vince Perkins (who?). That’s some fine reporting.
• Our good friend PAUL SULLIVAN, on the other hand, gets some good quotes from the Cubs’ new and fiery right fielder.
• Aaaand, back to the other hand, The Commish timely writes about Kerry Wood and Jake Peavy.
• Piss Hands is looking to retire after the World Baseball Classic.
• Chuck to Chuck joins in the bemoaning of the boring Spring Training, and T.J. Brown makes fun of us all for it.
• Bigger douche. Steve Phillips or Ozzie Guillen? Discuss.
• ACB points out why Aramis Ramirez should really be more people’s favorite Cub. I couldn’t agree more.
• FAY exposes Pollyellon for the dirty thief he is.
• The Onion uncovers the mystery of what took so long for Manny Ramirez to sign with the Dodgers.
• I might have to change what my favorite Jennifer Love Hewitt fantasy is.
• Some of you pervs should consider bidding on this thing (NSFW?).
• Finally, you know how much I like Cubs blogs with names only tangentially related to the Cubs. Well, there’s a new Cubs blog featuring a sentiment we can all get behind. Blame Paul Bako.

That’s it for me, you pencil pushers. Enjoy the weekend.

-Sweet Uncle Lou