Happy Ash Wednesday, you silly Catholics. I’m sure half of you have already broken your Lenten resolutions, so let’s hope the Cubs fare better with theirs. As always, HJE used its insider access to ask the Cubs (and some former Cubs), “What are YOU giving up for Lent?”

LOU PINIELLA: “Losing playoff games.”

RYAN DEMPSTER: “Fake vomit.”

TED LILLY: “Stabbing.”

RICH HARDEN: “Acting like Mark Prior.”

MIKE FONTENOT: “Trying to look like one of the neighbors from The ‘Burbs.

SEAN MARSHALL: “Sleeping with whomever I’m sleeping with that’s keeping me out of the rotation.”

AARON MILES: “Staying in budget hotels.”

JEFF SAMARDZIJA: “Trying to spell my name correctly.”

JIM HENDRY: “Donuts. After this one, of course.”

MICAH HOFFPAUIR: “Asking people to call me ‘Mike Power.’”

RICH HILL: “Bedwetting.”

JIM ESSIAN: “Clapping.”

MIKE QUADE: “Waxing my eyebrows.”

LARRY ROTHSCHILD: “Wearing my pajamas instead of my uniform to games.”

FELIX PIE: “Taking advice from Corey Patterson.”

KOSUKE FUKUDOME: “Sucking.”

MILTON BRADLEY: “NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS! But, seriously, rage.”

GEOVANY SOTO: “Twinkies.”

NEAL COTTS: “Shampoo.”

AARON HEILMAN: “My dreams of ever being a starter.”

KOYIE HILL: “Table saws, hacksaws, the movie Saw. Any type of saws, really.”

REED JOHNSON: “Trying to grow out a more ridiculous beard than Matt Clement.”

CARLOS ZAMBRANO: “Giving up hits.”

CARLOS MARMOL: “Pitching eight days in a row.”

ALFONSO SORIANO: “The leadoff spot.”

DERREK LEE: “Warning-track flyballs.”

ARAMIS RAMIREZ: “Cock fighting. Also, making fowls fight with razor blades on their beaks and legs.”