What’s in a Name?
I didn’t get a chance to finish up the enthralling list of ridiculous baseball names from yesterday (thanks again to everyone who helped contribute), so let’s get to it. For the first part of the names list, go here.
- I don’t care if it takes a longer time to say, use “Cumberland.” Hell, “Berl” would even work.
- Would it be embarrassing if a made a “Garfield’s teddy bear” joke?
- I really hope someone called DCFS on his parents.
- If only he could have been in a middle infield with old Butts. “Butts to Pooh!” It must have sucked for Butts to not only be named Butts, but to also live his entire life in the shadow of the great Honus Wagner. That, and being right next to the taint.
- What if Butts married this guy?
- If I had a dime for every video I’ve seen on the internet with a similar title…
- Baseball players aren’t often known for their hygiene. Hell, my senior year, I refused to wash the shirt I wore under my jersey during a hitting streak (that was a long two games), so I know it takes a special kind of person to get singled out as the stinky one on a baseball field.
- I sure hope this guy never had to play on a field with Stinky.
- Or this guy.
- Ha ha ha! Your nickname is Wimpy!? That’s ridiculous! Why in the world wouldn’t you just have people call you by your first- Oh, I see.
- If you’re a dude, and you plan on being known by only one name, I can’t think of a better one. Bats: Unknown, Throws: Unknown, Penis: Obviously gigantic
- If you don’t find this name funny, go here (possibly NSFW language).
- Liar!
- If this guy can’t save the President from ninjas, I don’t know who can.
- Remind me to never date this guy‘s sister. Because she’s probably dead. Not because she might have hairy boobs.
- Here’s one guy who could use a Titcomb (thanks, MGRW).
- If you’re doing it until you get dizzy, make sure you sit or lie down.
- This guy sucks dick. Lake Placid? More like Lake Flaccid! Am I right?!
- This sounds grosser than Slurm.
- How did this guy not play for the White Sox? Possibly with this guy.
- This is what we’d call Mike D. if he ever sat in the bleachers.
- I suspect this guy is the only pro baseball player who ever had a hard time getting laid.
- But at least Slim wouldn’t just roll over and fall asleep.
- And he obviously cleaned up better than this guy did.
- This guy, on the other hand, had women falling all over him.
- Instant pickup line.
- I think this guy was in Logjammin’. Possibly with this guy.
- He wasn’t very good himself, so he ranted about how bad other players were from the comfort of his mom’s basement.
- I wish this guy would stop hanging around the Cubs during the playoffs. I enjoy how his nickname is “Jack.”
- The nickname is not what you think. He just has a weird birthmark.
- Oleg should probably get this guy‘s replica jersey.
- I just assumed that this guy played in the early 1900′s. Unfortunately for him, no such luck.
- So, how’d you get the nickname?
- Nicknames used to be so awesome. If this guy played today, I guarantee his nickname would be either “D-Stew” or “Stewie.” Lame.
- The only way they could be sure was by sniffing his crotch.
- I have no joke, but I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t point out this guy‘s name.
- He was popular in both the clubhouse and prison.
- Maybe he should get some CLR for it.
- I demand that we steal this guy‘s nickname and apply it to Joey Gathright.
- Discovery Channel was going to replace Shark Week with this.
- Once we’re done mining the comedy gold from his other two names, we can always focus on his middle name.
- Didn’t he manage Rick Vaughn, Jake Taylor, Willie Mays-Hayes, and Roger Dorn?
- This was always my nickname for Mark Buerhle. I didn’t realize he was an actual person.
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BigFlax
PenFoe
StPatrick
CT
CactusMcHarris
It’s ok to have a comment.
Wow. Awesome follow-up. I’m trying not to laugh out loud here at work, and it hurts.
Rusty Bumgardner is a keeper, as is Joey Gathright’s new nickname.
But, the most interesting thing I noticed was that if “Long” played today, he’d have no hits and 162 walks a season. Sounds like we should drop someone else and dig up his body. He’s about as useful as all the other minor leaguers we traded for this offseason.
Great job, once again. Thanks. Have a good one.
Lil Stoner.
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“If only baseball would have let him wear the number 420″
I confess to giving up on this article. It was too much work to click the name, click back, read the next one, click just to get the joke, and come back. Maybe include the name with a comment after it next time?
/constructive criticism’d
@Black Mark Grace – I thought of that, but that would have sort of ruined the punchlines. And I like to ruin my punchlines on my own terms.