Future News: Predicting the 2009 Milton Bradley Headlines

I have to admit, I’m excited as hell about Milton Bradley becoming a Cub. Not only is he a great player (when healthy), but he is going to keep the summer interesting. Remember when everyone was waiting and waiting for Lou Piniella to snap and sink his teeth into an ump’s nose? That old, special feeling is going to be back this summer until the first time we get to see Crazy Uncle Milton try to smother Rick Ankiel with his own chin. It’s going to be awesome. Since Dolan already covered Crazy Uncle Milton’s previous exploits, I figured HJE could do you the favor of covering Milton’s upcoming foibles. So, here are the future headlines for the 2009 Cubs season:

  • Bradley, Zambrano Ejected in Sixth-Inning Monkey Knife Fight
  • Bradley to Piniella: “F@#$ Pants”
  • Bradley, Drew Peterson Seen at Night Club
  • Bradley Calls Dempster’s Stand-Up Set “Hilarious”
  • Bradley Purchases The Happening on Blu-Ray
  • Bradley to Start Mortgage Lending Company
  • Bradley Declares Carl Everett His “Life Coach”
  • Bradley Spends Salary on Charity, Magic Beans
  • Seven Dead; Bradley, Lilly Questioned
  • Bradley Hits Walkoff Slam, Denny’s Hostess

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