Future News: Predicting the 2009 Milton Bradley Headlines


I have to admit, I’m excited as hell about Milton Bradley becoming a Cub. Not only is he a great player (when healthy), but he is going to keep the summer interesting. Remember when everyone was waiting and waiting for Lou Piniella to snap and sink his teeth into an ump’s nose? That old, special feeling is going to be back this summer until the first time we get to see Crazy Uncle Milton try to smother Rick Ankiel with his own chin. It’s going to be awesome. Since Dolan already covered Crazy Uncle Milton’s previous exploits, I figured HJE could do you the favor of covering Milton’s upcoming foibles. So, here are the future headlines for the 2009 Cubs season:

  • Bradley, Zambrano Ejected in Sixth-Inning Monkey Knife Fight
  • Bradley to Piniella: “F@#$ Pants”
  • Bradley, Drew Peterson Seen at Night Club
  • Bradley Calls Dempster’s Stand-Up Set “Hilarious”
  • Bradley Purchases The Happening on Blu-Ray
  • Bradley to Start Mortgage Lending Company
  • Bradley Declares Carl Everett His “Life Coach”
  • Bradley Spends Salary on Charity, Magic Beans
  • Seven Dead; Bradley, Lilly Questioned
  • Bradley Hits Walkoff Slam, Denny’s Hostess
  • Ron Santo

    It’s gonna be one hell of a summer!!!

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2WxffbLFuY original Al

    Z Lou and Bradley on the same team? It is going to be an interesting summer.

  • Mark Giangreco Roman Wrestler

    Bradley bans Yellon from bleachers

  • Oleg

    I have feeling this summer may turn out to be pretty dull…err…no, I mean interesting. Yeah, interesting!

  • CactusMcHarris

    Let’s hope he can channel that inner rage at whatever and hit doubles and triples, especially triples. A few GW HR would be good, too.

  • Mark

    Piniella, Big Z, and Bradley completes our rage trifecta.

  • Brick

    (Can we post images anymore?)

  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    @Brick – Apparently. The IMG SRC tag should work.

  • Big Earl Cunningham

    Bradley wins MVP.
    I stand by this one.
    He’s going to be our Kirk Gibson.

  • http://www.pompculture.com JackB

    Long as he stays off the DL, I’ll be happy. Healthy, the guy’s a beast. And the Bradley beatdowns he’ll administer to anyone foolish enough to make racial cracks (as directed at Super Jock and LaTroya Hawkins) will be highly entertaining as well.

  • Better Kirk than Debbie

    Originally Posted By Big Earl CunninghamBradley wins MVP.
    I stand by this one.
    He’s going to be our Kirk Gibson.

  • Mike

    Better Kirk than Debbie

  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    @Mike – Clearly you never saw Debbie’s Playboy shoot.

  • Mike

    Originally Posted By Bad Kermit@Mike – Clearly you never saw Debbie’s Playboy shoot.

    They don’t allow such material in solitary. Only dogearred copies of Boys Life.