I was also ready to e-mail her and ask her that since the Cubs won the Central by seven and a half games last year, which half of which game wasn’t played. I assume she’d have passed out and stabbed herself accidentally with one of those big fucking knitting needles in her hair bun.

Originally Posted By factorialite
Hi Bad Kermit-

I’ve always thought the Cubs needed some starting pitching to really push them over the top. Has there been any word on whether or not Jake Peevy is available? He is a pitcher for the San Diego Padres. I think that guys great!

Thanks!

San Diego Padres GM Kevin Towers claimed earlier in the offseason that the team owner had demanded that he trade Jake PEAVY (pronounced “PEEV-ee”). At that time, the Braves, who are a baseball club in Atlanta, Georgia, were one of the only teams competing with the Cubs for Peavy’s services. Peavy had said that would only approve a trade to the Cubs, so the Braves (remember, they are from Atlanta) acquired Javier Vazquez from the Chicago White Sox, clearing the way for the Cubs to acquire Peavy. But those trade talks fizzled, and now, with the Padres under new ownership, it doesn’t look likely that Peavy will be traded anywhere.

Interestingly enough, did you know that Peavy has only pitched in the National League during his career? The Cubs currently have zero players on their roster who have only played in the National League during their careers.

I’ve always thought the Cubs needed some starting pitching to really push them over the top. Has there been any word on whether or not Jake Peevy is available? He is a pitcher for the San Diego Padres. I think that guys great!

Thanks!

Originally Posted By A-Ram Baller
Hey Kerm,

Do you think that the Cubs should now go after Juan Pierre? I mean, he is the best player in baseball. Also do you know what kind of Ivy is grown in the outfield? Also, I keep hearing about this Angel Guzman guy….is he ever going to play?

According to my sources, the Cubs have expressed some interest in bringing Pierre back. The names that have been rumored to be heading back to the Dodgers include Aramis Ramirez and Carlos Zambrano. One sticking point has been the Cubs’ insistence that the Dodgers include Nomar Garciaparra and a jug of Todd Hundley’s sweat as part of the deal.

As for Angel Guzman, the Cubs have seen signs of improvement from the once-young, once-phenom. According to my sources, Lou Piniella has Guzman tentatively scheduled to start on Opening Day.

Have a question about the Cubs? Send it to badkermit[at]hirejimessian[dot]com. Be sure to include your name, a made-up location that you’re from, and a valid e-mail address.

Originally Posted By ChuckDickens
Dear BadKermit,

I was wondering what you tohught about Brian Roberts. The White Sox seem to be interested in him and they only need to send Gavin Floyd to the ORLYoles. We don’t have Mark DeRosa any mroe (RIP THE PULSE) so we need a second basemen and Brian Roberts fits that mold so what do you think about him. Dont we have about 10 better pitcher than Gavin Floyd in our minor leagues that we can trade for him. I like Brian ROberts almost as much as I liked Mark DeRosa (RIP THE PULSE) so what do you think about him.

Kyle

The Cubs have looked into several players over the last couple of offseasons, and Brian Roberts is one of those players. Some other players the Cubs have looked into are Jake Peavy, Adam Dunn, Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles, and Kevin Gregg. Some of those players have become Cubs. Some of them have not. It’s too early to tell whether or not Roberts will become a Cub or not.

What was your question again?

Originally Posted By Chuck
Can you tell me where Al Yellon gets his head shaved?

He doesn’t need to get it shaved. All hair has been banned from his head.

As for Tank’s bathroom, I can only suggest using a clothespin to make any trips to the bathroom unnecessary.