Jon (again) was either nice enough to point out that MLB.com is discontinuing the MLB Mailbags or was rubbing it in my face that HJE is now DOOMED because its main source of fun is no more.
From the article:
Unfortunately, it is my duty to inform you that the Mailbag, as we know it, is no more. MLB.com is doing away with the feature on its club sites and going in a different direction with its content plan for 2009. We’ll just take the easy way out and blame it on the economy, like everything else.
I can’t imagine why MLB.com would make such a colossally stupid move. An entire generation of Cubs fans will have no idea where to turn when they need answers to questions like, “Where does Rich Hill get his hair cut?” or “How many wins did Carlos Zambrano have last year?”
The end of the MLB Mailbags means the inglorious and abrupt end of the Muskbags. As salt in the wound, Mark DeRosa’s blog, “The Pulse” was deleted almost immediately after he was traded to the Indians. Thanks for ruining my fun, MLB.com. There has to be some way to fill the void on HJE left by the departure of the Muskbags. I don’t think you guys are quite stupid enough for us to have our own Mailbag, but maybe we can do something along those lines. If you have thoughts on how to mend our broken hearts, put them in the comments.
Hi BK-
Can you tell me what you mean, when you say Pie is out of options? Does that mean he can not hit a baseball?
@Bill Brown – I asked Cubs historian Ed Hartig, and he told me that when we say Pie is out of “options” (sometimes known by us in the business as “choices”), it means that Lou has presented Pie with an ultimatum. In this case, it was, “Hit the goddamn ball, or I’ll replace you with Joey Gathright.”
Incidentally, did you know that “Felix Pie” and “Joey Gathright” have the exact same number of syllables? That will make the job of Cubs P.A. announcers Wayne Messmer, Paul Friedman, and Mike Terson a little bit easier. Or about the same.
Solution: Ask friend of Jim Essian Paul Sullivan if you can make fun of his mailbag?
or have a bunch of fake emails and IP’s ask the almighty al to start a mailbag.
*shrugs* I weep for the season without a mailbag we can prank.
I think I hear Taps playing
Dear Bad Kermit:
I have two friends, let’s call them Tank and Nutsack. Their constant homoerotic conversations are becoming awkward and uncomfortable. What is the most insulting and mean way to tell them to cut that shit out?
Also, I’m afraid to use “Tank’s” bathroom.
Can you tell me where Al Yellon gets his head shaved?
looks like Hartig gets about half his work week freed up. I wonder if the rat will ask him to just write her column now.
@Feeling Awkward –
The easiest way is to shut it and let things play out
Dear BadKermit,
I was wondering what you tohught about Brian Roberts. The White Sox seem to be interested in him and they only need to send Gavin Floyd to the ORLYoles. We don’t have Mark DeRosa any mroe (RIP THE PULSE) so we need a second basemen and Brian Roberts fits that mold so what do you think about him. Dont we have about 10 better pitcher than Gavin Floyd in our minor leagues that we can trade for him. I like Brian ROberts almost as much as I liked Mark DeRosa (RIP THE PULSE) so what do you think about him.
Kyle
Hey Kerm,
Do you think that the Cubs should now go after Juan Pierre? I mean, he is the best player in baseball. Also do you know what kind of Ivy is grown in the outfield? Also, I keep hearing about this Angel Guzman guy….is he ever going to play?
AHHHHH…I am going to miss the Muskbag. I just hope this means they might get rid of Carrie all together.
@Feeling Awkward – I’m working on an “Ignore” button specifically for this reason. As for telling them off, I assume one of these “friends” is an engineer and one is an accountant. Is there any reason to make them feel worse about themselves?
As for Tank’s bathroom, I can only suggest using a clothespin to make any trips to the bathroom unnecessary.
He doesn’t need to get it shaved. All hair has been banned from his head.
The Cubs have looked into several players over the last couple of offseasons, and Brian Roberts is one of those players. Some other players the Cubs have looked into are Jake Peavy, Adam Dunn, Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles, and Kevin Gregg. Some of those players have become Cubs. Some of them have not. It’s too early to tell whether or not Roberts will become a Cub or not.
What was your question again?
According to my sources, the Cubs have expressed some interest in bringing Pierre back. The names that have been rumored to be heading back to the Dodgers include Aramis Ramirez and Carlos Zambrano. One sticking point has been the Cubs’ insistence that the Dodgers include Nomar Garciaparra and a jug of Todd Hundley’s sweat as part of the deal.
As for Angel Guzman, the Cubs have seen signs of improvement from the once-young, once-phenom. According to my sources, Lou Piniella has Guzman tentatively scheduled to start on Opening Day.
Have a question about the Cubs? Send it to badkermit[at]hirejimessian[dot]com. Be sure to include your name, a made-up location that you’re from, and a valid e-mail address.
Apparently YOU are the new “mailbag”. That fixed that problem.
Hi Bad Kermit-
I’ve always thought the Cubs needed some starting pitching to really push them over the top. Has there been any word on whether or not Jake Peevy is available? He is a pitcher for the San Diego Padres. I think that guys great!
Thanks!
San Diego Padres GM Kevin Towers claimed earlier in the offseason that the team owner had demanded that he trade Jake PEAVY (pronounced “PEEV-ee”). At that time, the Braves, who are a baseball club in Atlanta, Georgia, were one of the only teams competing with the Cubs for Peavy’s services. Peavy had said that would only approve a trade to the Cubs, so the Braves (remember, they are from Atlanta) acquired Javier Vazquez from the Chicago White Sox, clearing the way for the Cubs to acquire Peavy. But those trade talks fizzled, and now, with the Padres under new ownership, it doesn’t look likely that Peavy will be traded anywhere.
Interestingly enough, did you know that Peavy has only pitched in the National League during his career? The Cubs currently have zero players on their roster who have only played in the National League during their careers.
The Cubs were looking for something in the Muskbag. What that is, is hard to define.
Dear Bad Kermit,
The Cubs are about to shell out $30 million dollars for Milton Bradley. Milton Bradley is apparently a left handed bat that can play right field. Have the Cubs given any thought to giving Rich Hill some fielding and batting training, ala Rick Ankiel? It would seem to be a cheaper option and may save enough money to sign a less retarded winter league relief pither. Rich Hill is very tall, do you believe the larger strick zone would hinder his development as a right fielder?
E Dubs Texas
I still can’t believe Carrie never answered my question about whether the C on the caps is for Chicago or Cubs. That one seemed right up her alley.
I was also ready to e-mail her and ask her that since the Cubs won the Central by seven and a half games last year, which half of which game wasn’t played. I assume she’d have passed out and stabbed herself accidentally with one of those big fucking knitting needles in her hair bun.