A Pun-Maker’s Dream Come True


The Cubs have apparently signed (GUESS WHO?) Milton Bradley to a three-year, $30M deal with the Cubs. I guess you could say the Cubs really sank the Nationals’ BATTLESHIP, after nearly getting caught up in a bidding CROSSFIRE for Bradley’s services. The Cubs’ STRATEGO for 2009 is to have Bradley play right field. GO TO THE HEAD OF THE CLASS, Jim Hendry. Although the beginning of the offseason was slower than a pack of HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS, you’ve had ANTS IN YOUR PANTS the past week. Or at least a pantload of MOUSE TRAPs. This is one of the better free agent signings Hendry has made in his LIFE as the Cubs’ GM. At least the best since he signed Ted Lilly right before he had that OPERATION. Sure, Milton’s been known to have a shorter fuse than the residents of FIREBALL ISLAND, but I’m happier than a kid in CANDY LAND!

JENGA!

  • RV

    I can’t wait to see Milton mock Fat Elvis when he is afeared of the next TWISTER to come through Wrigley Field!

  • PenFoe

    I can’t wait until they trade him to the Padres for Peavy.

  • Adam B

    I wish Hendry had signed the Parker Brothers instead…

  • Black Mark Grace

    This is BRILLIANT. I look forward to three years of these comments.

  • CactusMcHarris

    The Cubs can now have Crazy Milton Day more than several times a year, but if he helps them win a playoff game (or three or four) then it’s all one big cup of lovely, isn’t it?

  • http://tjbrown.com T.J. Brown

    Call me crazy, but I have a feeling MB will rank with Todd Hundley and LaTroy Hawkins among the Cubs’ worst-ever signings.

  • CactusMcHarris

    Originally Posted By T.J. BrownCall me crazy, but I have a feeling MB will rank with Todd Hundley and LaTroy Hawkins among the Cubs’ worst-ever signings.

    10 million a year for three years for a player that may have his best years behind him? It sounds like something that the Pads would do.

  • http://hirejimessian.com Mike D.

    Originally Posted By T.J. BrownCall me crazy, but I have a feeling MB will rank with Todd Hundley and LaTroy Hawkins among the Cubs’ worst-ever signings.

    Going by my reaction, it’s different. Both the Hundley and Hawkins signings made me barf at the time. So far I haven’t barfed, so yay?

  • Adam B

    I would feel a lot better about a similar deal for Abreu, but I don’t think Bradley will reach Hundley-levels of awful. I think he’ll be a big lift offensively, and adequate defensively…

    When he’s healthy. The Crazy Milton stuff is I think behind him for the most part, but he’s got legitimate physical questions regarding his durability that concern me. And 22M is an awful lot to be shelling out for what could essentially become a RF platoon (Milton/Fukker).

    I do hope I’m wrong and that Hendry and the scouting staff took a long look at his medical history and saw nothing of concern. But, until he puts in 135+ games this year, I will remain guarded in my optimism.

  • Papa B

    Who wins in a fight. Carlos Zambrano or Milton Bradley?

  • Keith

    @Papa B – It depends. Can Zambrano use Mike Fontenot as a club?

  • Brick

    This is more fun than SET THE HOOKER’S CORPSE ON FIRE.

  • http://hirejimessian.com Bad Kermit

    @Adam B – I hope to God they don’t have a $20M platoon in right. Fukudome should be platooning in center with Reed.

    I don’t think this will be anywhere near the Hundley or Hawkins signings. Hundley was falling apart as much or more than Milton at a more physically demanding position when the Cubs got him. Hawkins had consistently proven he couldn’t close, and he was fine in the setup role. He was actually pretty great in 2004, and he wasn’t as terrible as we like to pretend in 2005. He just had a fondness for blowing crucial games in hilarious, nut-punching fashion.

    That said, Milton will be better than both of them.

  • StPatrick

    Originally Posted By Papa BWho wins in a fight. Carlos Zambrano or Milton Bradley?

    Trick question – Zambrano IS Bradley!